Udderado/Transcript

Here's the 7th episode for season 2 from Winnie the Pooh Goes Back at the Barnyard. Here's the transcript.

The Beginning

• Luan: And finally, the motion to ration shampoo due to chronic shortages passed... by a hair! (laughs)
• -Not now Luan.
• Lori: So, the minutes from our last meeting are approved. Any new business?
• Otis: I do. And it's a emergency.
• Lori: Ok, Otis has the floor.
• Otis: Right, then. This emergency barnyard meeting is now...in session (honks goose)
• Goose: Jerk.
• Otis: Strike that from the record.
• Freddy: Allow me. (smashes laptop with a mallet)
• Lisa: My laptop!
• Abby: Otis, what is this all about?
• Otis: Nothing. Everything's fine except the farmer was arrested and haul off to jail this morning.

(Everyone stood shock)

• Margo Gru: Off to jail!?!?! That seems like a big problem.
• Lincoln: Yeah, how did he even get sent to jail?
• Otis: It's a long complicated story.

(Flashback to the incident)

• Officer Fred: Maybe next time, you'll think twice before you moon a cop while wearing a Viking helmet.
• Farmer: But I don't even own a Viking helmet.
• Officer Fred: Yeah, yeah, tell it to the judge. (drives off while Otis, Lynn, and Human Pinkie Pie comes out from the bushes)
• Human Pinkie Pie: Oh dear.
• Lynn: We are in so much trouble.

(Flashback ends)

• Abby: Otis, what do we do? We can't let the farmer rot in jail.
• -Yeah, they'll eat him alive in there.
• -Don't worry. We have a plan.
• -All we need to do is raise enough money to pay for his bail.
• -Ok that sounds simple enough.
• -Yeah, I mean how much is going to take? 100? 200?
• -(looks in book) According to the county law enforcement, bail for mooning an officer while wearing a Viking helmet is around....(shocked) 10,000 dollars.

(Everyone is shocked again)

• Pig: Guys, guys, I have an idea.
• -Before we hear your idea, does it have to do magic elves or fairy unicorns?
• Pig: Maybe.
• Pip: Then forget it then.

(Everyone threw tomatoes at Pig)

• Pig: Wait, wait, wait, hear me out. They'd just open a fairy unicorn theme park up the road; they're raking in the bucks.
• Otis: Hey, I think Pig's on to something. To the road!

(On the road, the gang sees numerous cars lined up for Fairy Unicorn Land)

• Abby: (reading the billboard) "Fairy Unicorn Land, the happiest place in the vicinity."
• Pip: Look at all the cars, they must be making a fortune
• Otis: If we turn the barnyard into a theme park, we can raise the farmer's bail in no time.
• Pig: Yes, I want to be unicorn wrangler!
• Abby: Pig, there's already is a unicorn theme park.
• -Ok, so what other ideas we have for a theme park?
• -Hero World?
• -Pirate Land?
• -Cheesetopia?
• Emma: Oh I love that idea.
• -Maybe another time.
• Pip: Hey, what about Viking World? Otis, you have that Viking helmet you can--
• Otis: (covers Pip up) I can't hear you,
• Abby: Hey, I know. How bout we do a wild west show?
• -I think you may be on to something.
• -We live a barn with animals for the west.
• -A couple props and attractions; it just might work.
• Otis: Hey, that's not bad
• -Now we just need a title.
• -I got it! We'll call it Sheriff Otis Wild West World!
• Pip: Yeah, that's a good idea.
• Otis: To the barn again!

(Back at the barnyard, now call Sheriff Otis Wild West World, cars comes in droves)

• Boy: Wow this is so cool.
• Girl: Wow, I hope to see a real cowboy.
• Crazy Louie: Man this is exciting.
• Otis: Welcome to Sheriff Otis Wild West World! That'll be $15. The name's Sheriff Otis; that'll be $18. Here, kid, have a tumbleweed. Only $26.
• Abby: Yippie-kay. Stay in school kids.
• Otis: Advice, $58.
• Peck: (as a prospector) There's gold in them thar hills
• Freddy: (as a prospector) Hills nothing. There's gold in these here pants.
• Duke: Get along, little doggies.
• Sheep 1: Were not doggies.
• Sheep 2: We're pure-breed longhorn raising steer
• Duke: Whatever.
• Sheep 3: I'll whatever you.
• Sheep 4: Duke's even more annoying in this century
• Pig: Behold, I am the unicorn wizard
• Abby: Pig no, we're suppose to be a wild west show
• Pig: Begone, swamp elf!
• -Take a hike, wizard.
• -You know I heard that Pecos Bill is in town.
• -Really? Well where is he?
• -Here he comes now.

(Just then, Goofy comes around the corner dressed as Pecos Bill)

• Goofy: Howdy.

(---- plays a trumpet)

[Chrous]

Pecos Bill was quite a cowboy down in Texas

And a western Superman to say the least

He was the roughest, toughest critter

Never known to be a quitter

'Cause he never had no fear of man nor beast

So, Yippee-i-ay, i-ay, yippee-i-ohh,

Fer the toughest critter west of the Alamo

• (Female here): Hoody!

So yippee-i-ay, i-ay, yippee-i-ohh,

Fer the toughest critter west of the Alamo

• Goofy: Uh oh!

( ----and---- dressed as Idians)

• -Ugh!
• -How!
• -How?
• -How!
• -What
• -Where
• -Why!

[Chorus]

Once a tribe of painted Indians did a war dance

Pecos started breakin' up their little game

He gave them redskins such a shakeup

That they jumped out from their makeup

That's the way the Painted Desert got its name

So yippee-i-ay, i-ay, yippee-i-ohh,

He's the toughest critter west of the Alamo

(Goofy takes on Pooh and Tigger dressed as rustlers)

[Chorus]

Once a band of rustlers stole a herd of cattle

But they didn't know the herd they stole was Bill's

And when he caught them crooked villains

Pecos knocked out all their fillin's

That's the reason that there's gold in them thar hills

So yippee-i-ay, i-ay, yippee-i-ohh,

Fer the toughest critter west of the Alamo

[Male Chorus]

He's the roughest, toughest, leanest, meanest

[Female Chorus]

Slickest, quickest, neatest, sweetest

[All Chorus]

Best-in-the-westest critter...

Goofy: That's me!

[All Chorus]

...west of the Alamo

• Goofy: Yahoo!
• Woman: Isn't this wonderful?
• Man: It's like a magical window into our nation's past.
• Otis: Could've put it better myself; that'll be $34 dollars
• Pip: Wow, Otis this is going pretty good.
• Otis: I know. We'll have the farmer's bail money in no time. Oh hey, did you hire someone to play the bad guy? Every wild west show needs a bad guy.
• -Even a posse if needed.
• Pip: Already done. I found a snake whose big in local theatre
• Otis: Great, now help me count this money
• Whipcrack McGee: Well looky here. A wild west theme park that swimming in moola. And I aims me to plunder too,heh Or my name is it Whipcrack McGee!
• Goose: Jerk.
• Otis: Alright, alright settle down. We got some great entertainment for you tonight here at the OK Saloon. For a addition $37 cover charged per person. Please have your money ready. (collecting money) And now the moment you been waiting for

Just back from her triumphant tour

Entertaining the crowned heads of europe,

The one, the only, lilly von duke!

[Cheers and applause]

[Together] yuck!

Maestro.

♪ They call me the rose of paris ♪

♪ 'Cause I'm dainty and eat lots of brie ♪

♪ All the men want to date me

♪ The women, they hate me

♪ I just belt them and say, "c'est la vie"♪

Graceful dance break.

[Audience booing]

Hey, otis. How am I doing?

It's going very badly.

Second verse.

♪ There once was a dog from nantucket ♪

Hey! I'm singing up here.

A little respect for the artist, please.

Freddy, peck, do something.

We need a distraction.

There's gold in, um, that there light fixture.

There's gold in this here tile grout.

[Coughs]

We've seen it already.

Let's go.

I want to go to the fairy unicorn park.

[Gasps]

[Glass breaks]

Yes, this is all well and good,

But where's the authentic wild west bad guy?

Yeah, I want to see a bad guy.

I want to see bad guys.

[Chanting] bad guy! Bad guy!

Pip, where's your snake friend?

The crowd's turning ugly.

I don't know. He should be here by now.

[Whip cracks]

The villain's here. Everyone outside.

That'll be $.

[Horse whinnies, chuffs]

Reach for the sky!

One wrong move, and I'll sign my name on your hides.

[Cheers and applause]

Wow, he's good. What a great costume.

Uh, otis. That's not the--

Where's the sheriff of this here town?

I think he wants me to improv.

[Clears throat]

You best run off, varmint,

Lessen you want to tussle with sheriff otis.

Come again?

Love the voice, but sit up straight.

Your posture's terrible.

You heard me, hombre.

I'm the law in this town, so you best vamoose quick like.

Savvy?

I'm warning you.

Really? You're warning me?

I'm so frightened. You're dangerous.

Seltzer in your face!

Ow! [Sputters]

Why, you little--

Whoops. Got your nose.

I got your wild west nose right here.

Hey, give me that back!

This is an ugly nose.

Ah, wait till I get my hands--you cheat!

Oh, will you--

Ow!

I'll take this. My whip!

[Whispers] you're doing great.

I'm completely belittling you.

And tell all your friends

There's a new sheriff in town.

This ain't over.

I'll be back at high noon to have my revenge.

Or my name ain't--

Yeah, yeah. Whipstick mcwhipstick.

That's fantastic. See you in a few bells.

Happy trails.

Yah!

[Horse neighs]

[Tourists cheer]

Thank you. Thank you.

Yes, you're right. Thank you.

Otis, there's something you need to know.

Pip, your friend was awesome.

You'd never know he was a snake.

How did he have arms?

That wasn't my friend. That was a real villain.

What? Come on.

Like I'm really going to believe--

Yippee ki-yay, everyone.

What they hey?

Black bart in the house.

Y'all give me your money, or I'm going to go desperado

On all of you.

Oh, my gosh. It's dusty in here.

Ah, otis. What's going on?

I'll tell you what's going on.

Whipcrack mcgee's coming back here at high noon

To rearrange my body parts

In an amusing yet painful fashion!

This sounds like a job for the unicorn wizard!

Sim salabim tangleoo!

We got to get everybody out of here

Before someone gets hurt, and by someone, I mean me!

Well, show's over, folks. Thanks for coming.

Now lose our address and don't come back ever.

Bye-bye!

What? We're not going anywhere.

Yeah, we wouldn't miss this for the world.

[Chanting] showdown! Showdown!

Milk me. Milk me. Milk me.

Okay, is everybody clear on the plan?

When whip crack gets here, abby will lasso him,

Then pip and freddy and peck will pelt him with eggs.

Then the sheep use history books to prove to him

That actual old west villains have no business existing.

That'll work, right? Right?

Otis, otis. It's cool.

We got your back, man.

[Clock chimes]

Later!

[Snoring]

Say your prayers, sheriff.

Look. Mr. Mcgee.

We obviously got off on the wrong foot.

You seem like a decent enough guy,

Despite your odor and unforgivable oral hygiene,

So why don't we just sit down like adults

And have some tea and--

Get him!

Yee-haw!

[Whip cracks]

Ow.

Fire!

Eat tractor, buddy.

Crash!

Anyone else?

No. We're good.

Carry on. Let us know what happens.

Now, then, sheriff. Where were we?

Um, making up?

[Laughs maniacally]

[Horse neighs]

Huh?

Pig: Rainbow unicorns, charge! Drop the whip, mcgee.

Whipcrack McGee: (laughs out loud at his "threat")

Pig: Go.

Whipcrack McGee: (gets beaten up) Ow! Get 'em off! Okay, you win! I give up! (kicked back on his horse and retreats)

Otis: Pig, that was awesome! How can I ever thank you?

Pig: Oh, don't thank me, Otis. Thank the horse actors from the fairy unicorn park. I'd like you to meet Rocco.

Rocco: Hey.

Pig: Big Louie.

Big Louie: How you doing?

Pig: Rico.

Rico: Yo.

Pig: And Crazy Eye.

Crazy Eye: What's up?

Otis: Well, I'll tell you one thing. You fellows just earned yourselves free passes to Sheriff Otis' Wild West theme park!

Big Louie: Yeah, about that. My friends and I don't appreciate your muscling in on our business. Kapeesh?

Otis: Did I say theme park? There's no theme park. I hate theme parks. (laughs neverously) Don't hurt my face.

Mickey Mouse: Hey, take it easy! We didn't mean any harm. We just needed money for this place farmer's bail.

-Besides, the park was only a one day only.

Mickey Mouse: So what do you say? We give you a bit of our share, and you'll never hear from us. Deal?

Big Louie: Deal. Last thing we need is a more better competition with another theme park.

-How did you do that?

Mickey Mouse: Simple. The one thing everything theme park has.

-Cotton candy?

-Rides?

-Free passes?

Mickey Mouse: No. Always know your competition to keep things fair.

Girl: They're unicorns.

Boy: I want to pet a fairy unicorn.

Girl: I want to ride a bare unicorn.

Big Louie: Hey, folks, hop on, and we'll take you to a wondrous land of magic and rainbows and food.

Pip: Otis, great news. beating Whipcrack Mcgee put us over the top for the farmer's bail money.

Otis: Yes!

Abby: Otis, isn't it wonderful?

Otis: It sure is. And we owe it all to that pink-snouted champion of justice: The Lone Porker!

(Pig rides Big Louie off into the sunset)

Pig: Hi-ho, Big Louie! Away!