The Irelanders Gets Brave/Transcript

[The film starts with the Irelanders on a boat heading for Scotland]

Connor Lacey: Today we're going to Medieval Scotland to see Princess Merida!

Twilight Sparkle: I'm so exited!

Donald: Douggie and I are exited too!

Douglas: Aye. Scotland was our old home.

Kim Possible: We can see that.

[The scene changes to a flashback of young Connor in Scotland and sees young princess Merida plays hide-and-seek with her mother]

Elinor: Where are you? Come out! Come out! Come on out! I’m coming to get you!

[Young Merida laughs as she hides under the table]

Elinor: Where are you, you little rascal? I’m coming to get you!

[Elinor looks under the table but Merida quickly moves to hide somewhere else]

Elinor: Hmm. Where is my little Birthday girl, hm? I’m going to gobble her up when I find her!

[Merida comes up behind Elinor and goes to run away but Elinor catches her]

Elinor: I'm gonna eat you!

[She pretends to eat Merida and they both laugh]

[as Elinor and young Merida play, Fergus places his bow on the table]

Elinor: Ach! Fergus, no weapons on the table!

[Merida runs towards the table]

Young Merida: Can I shoot an arrow?

[she picks up the large bow from the table]

Young Merida: Can I? Can I? Can I? Can I? Please, can I?

[she falls and laughs as the bow is too big for her]

Fergus: Not with that. Why not use you very own?

[he presents her with a small bow]

Fergus: Happy Birthday, my wee darlin’!

MERIDA MISSES THE TARGET. QUEEN ANXIOUS.

Fergus: Now listen. Draw all the way back to your cheek, keep both eyes open, and … boost.

MERIDA SHOOTS. MISSES FURTHER.

Young Merida: I missed it.

QUEEN

TO MERIDA Well, go and fetch it, then.

TO KING A bow, Fergus? She’s a lady!

[Fergus pinches Elinor’s behind playfully and laughs]

MERIDA SEEKS HER MISSED ARROW IN THE FOREST, AND FINDS IT. SOMETHING FEELS STRANGE, CROWS CROWING. MERIDA SEES A BLOB OF BLUE LIGHTS.

A will-o’-the-wisp.

MERIDA TRIES TO CATCH WISP. IT FLIES AWAY.

They are real.

A LINE OF WISPS. MERIDA GOES AFTER THEM EXCITEDLY.

QUEEN

Merida! Come home, sweetheart, we’re leaving now…

MERIDA RUNS TO HER PARENTS

I saw a wisp. I saw a wisp.

QUEEN

A wisp? You know, child, they, the will-o’-the-wisps, lead you to your fate.

KING

Ho ho, aye, or an arrow. Oh come on, let’s go, before we see a dancing charging bubu or a giant —

QUEEN

Your father doesn’t believe in magic.

Young Merida: Well, he should, because that’s true.

[Then she and Connor see a big, scary bear)]

Young Merida and young Connor: [screams]

KING

Mor’du! Elinor, hide!

QUEEN AND MERIDA ESCAPE. SPEAR PASSED TO KING.

Sire!

MOR’DU AND KING FIGHT. QUEEN AND MERIDA ESCAPE ON HORSEBACK, MERIDA WITNESSING…

[Merida screams with terror, Fergus fights off the bear so his wife and daughter can escape]

Fergus: Come on, you!

[Mor’du lunges and the title The Irelanders' Gets Brave appears then the flashback ends]

Donald: Och, Mor’du sounds like a scary bear!

Merida: Donald, Douglas, my I tell you about everything that’s happening here?

Dougles: Of course, your highness.

Merida: I became a sister to three new brothers. The princes. Hamish, Hubert and Harris. Wee devils, more like. They get away with murder. I can never get away with anything.

Donald: Why’s that?

Merida: I'm the princess.

[referring to the letters that have just arrived]

Elinor: Fergus, they’ve all accepted.

Merida: Who’s accepted what, mother?

[Elinor turns to the triplets]

Elinor: Boys, you are excused.

[the triplets quickly make their exit]

Connor Lacey: Okay…

[Elinor turns to Donald and Douglas]

Elinor: That goes for you too, you twins.

Donald and Douglas: Okay.

[Donald and Douglas puff away]

Merida: What did I do now?

Elinor: Your father has something to discuss with you.

[surprised by this, Fergus suddenly spits out what he was drinking]

Elinor: Fergus?

[Fergus nervously clears his throat]

Fergus: Merida…

[Fergus hesitates, not knowing what to say]

Elinor: The lords are presenting their sons as suitors for your betrothal.

Merida: What?

Elinor: The clans have accepted!

Merida: Dad!

Fergus: What? I…you…she…Elinor!

Elinor: Honestly, Merida! I don’t know why you’re acting this way. This year each clan will present a suitor to compete in the games for your hand.

Merida: I’m the only princess that just does what she’s told!

Elinor: A princess does not raise her voice. Merida, this is what you’ve been preparing for your whole life.

Merida: No! What you’ve been preparing me for my whole life!

[Merida gets up in anger and starts to walk off]

Merida: I won’t go through with it! You can’t make me!

Elinor: Merida!

[Merida angrily storms out of the Great Hall to her bedroom]

Fergus: Merida!

[Fergus gets up to go after her but knocks down the entire dinner table instead making the dogs attack the food]

Fergus: Boys!

[Elinor mutters to herself as she works on embroidering a tapestry of their family when Fergus walks in]

Fergus: You’re muttering.

Elinor: I don’t mutter.

Fergus: Aye, you do. You mutter, lass, when something’s troubling you.

Elinor: I blame you. Stubbornness is entirely from your side of the family.

Fergus: I take it the talk didn’t go too well.

Elinor: I don’t know what to do.

Fergus: Speak to her, dear.

Elinor: I do speak to her, she just doesn’t listen!

Fergus: Come on, now. Pretend I’m Merida. Speak to me. What would you say?

Elinor: I can’t do this!

Fergus: Sure you can.

[Elinor makes a dirty face at him]

Fergus: There! There! That’s my queen! Right, here we go.

[he starts talking in a high pitched girlie voice, pretending to be Merida]

Fergus: I don’t want to get married! I want to stay single and let my hair flow in the wind as I ride through the glen, firing arrows into the sunset.

[Elinor decides to explain to Fergus what she wishes she could explain to Merida]

Elinor: Merida, all this work, all the time spent preparing you, schooling you, giving you everything we never had, I ask you, what do you expect us to do?

[Merida is now talking to her horse, telling him everything she wishes she could tell her mother]

Merida: Call off the gathering! Would that kill them? You’re the queen, you can just tell the lords, the princess is not ready for this. In fact, she might not be ever ready for this! So that’s that!

[Elinor continues to tell Fergus what she wishes to tell Merida]

Elinor: I understand this must all seem unfair, even I have reservations when I faced betrothal.

Fergus: Hey!

Elinor: We can’t just run away from who we are.

[We go back to Merida, talking to her horse telling it what she wants to tell her mother]

Merida: I don’t want my life to be over. I want my freedom!

[The scene then goes back and forth between Elinor talking to Fergus and Merida talking to her horse, but it seems like they are talking to each other]

Elinor: But are you willing to pay the price your freedom will cost?

Merida: I’m not doing any of this to hurt you!

Elinor: If you could just try to see what I do, I do out of love.

Merida: But it’s my life! I’m just not ready!

Elinor: I think you’d see, if you could just…

Merida: I think I could make you understand, if you would just…

Elinor: …listen!

Merida: …listen!

[Merida’s horse neighs in response]

Merida: I swear, Angus, this isn’t going to happen. Not if I can help it.

[to the crowd, as the clans gather to present their sons]

Fergus: So, here we are! The four clans! Uh…gathering…uh…for…

[Elinor exasperated by Fergus’ slowness gets up and finishes his sentence]

Elinor: The presentation of the suitors!

[Fergus quickly follows on from his wife]

Fergus: The presentation of the suitors!

[the crowd cheers]

Fergus: Clan Macintosh!

Lord Macintosh: Your majesty, I present my heir and sire, who defended our land from the northern invaders and, with his own sword, stabbed and vanquished thousands more!

[the clan cheers as young Macintosh steps forward to display his sword skills looking obviously vain and spoiled, Merida looks unimpressed]

Fergus: Clan MacGuffin!

Lord MacGuffin: Your majesty, I present my eldest son, who scuttled the Viking war ships with his bare hands. Vanquished two thousand more.

[Lord MacGuffin’s son breaks a thick plank of wood in half to show his strength and the crowd cheers]

Fergus: Clan Dingwall!

[we see Dingwall standing next to a very tall muscular looking young warrior]

Lord Dingwall: I present my only son, who was besieged by ten thousand romans and he took out their whole armor single handedly, with one arm. He was…

[suddenly we see Dingwall pull his son, who is small and weedy looking from behind the tall young warrior]

Lord Dingwall: With one arm, he was steering the ship, and with the other he held his mighty sword and struck down a whole attacking fleet.

[suddenly a voice in the crowd shouts]

Voice in the Crowd: Lies!

Lord Dingwall: What? I heard that! Aye! Say it to my face! Or are you a scared sniffling jackanape? Afraid to muss your pretty hair?

Lord Macintosh: At least we have hair!

Lord MacGuffin: And all our teeth!

[MacGuffin’s son speaks but his accent is so thick that no one can understand him]

Lord Macintosh: And we don’t hide under breeches, you grumpy old troll!

[everyone laughs]

Lord Dingwall: You wanna laugh, huh?

[he shouts to his son]

Lord Dingwall: Wee Dingwall!

[suddenly young Dingwall jumps onto Lord Macintosh and with his big teeth bites into his arm and with that a brawl breaks out, with everyone fighting each other]

Donald: This is so funny!

Douglas: (bumping Donald’s buffers) It’s not funny!

Donald: (bumping Douglas buffers) It is too!

Douglas: (bumping Donald’s buffers) Is not!

Donald: (bumping Douglas buffers) Is too!

Fergus: SHUT IT!

[Fergus stops the clans fighting]

Donald and Douglas: Uh oh.

Fergus: Now, that’s all done! You’ve had your go at each other, show a little decorum. But no more fighting!

[the triplets sneak up and smash Lord Dingwall’s toe, as he shouts in pain he gets hit in the face and the fighting starts all over again, with Fergus jumping in to join the fight, Elinor then gets up walks through the crowd and brings back Fergus and the clan leaders]

Lord Macintosh: Sorry, me queen. I feel terrible. My humblest apologies.

Lord Dingwall: Sorry.

Lord MacGuffin: No disrespect.

Fergus: Sorry, love. I…I didn’t…

[she looks away from him in silence]

Fergus: Yes, dear.

[Fergus goes back and takes his seat]

Elinor: Now then, where were we? Ah, yes. In accordance with our laws, by the rights of our heritage, only the first born of each of the great leaders may be presented as champion.

[to herself on hearing this]

Merida: First born?

Elinor: And thus, compete for the hand of the princess of DunBroch. To win the fair maiden, they must prove their worth by feets of strength or arms in the games. It is customary for the challenge be determined by the princess herself.

[Merida quickly shouts out]

Merida: Archery! Archery!

[Elinor looks at Merida and Merida then says gracefully]

Merida: I choose archery.

[Elinor turns to the crowd]

Elinor: Let the games begin!

[In the tapestry room]

Elinor: Michty me! I've just about had enough of you, lass!

Merida: You’re the one that want me to…!

Elinor: You embarrassed them! You embarrassed me!

Merida: I followed the rules!

Elinor: (wags her finger at her) You don't know what you've done! (slams the door shut)

Merida: Just don't care how I...

Elinor: It'll be fire and sword if it's not set right.

Merida: Just listen!

Elinor: I AM THE QUEEN! YOU... LISTEN... TO ME!

Merida: Ugh! This is so unfair!

Elinor: Ha! Unfair?

Merida: You're never there for me. This whole marriage is what you want. Do you ever bother to ask what I want? No! You walk around telling me what to do, what not to do, trying to make me be like you. Well, I'm not going to be like you!

Elinor: Och, you're acting like a child.

Merida: And you're a beast! That's what you are!

Elinor: (gasps) Merida.

Merida: I'll never be like you!

Elinor: NO! STOP THAT!!!!

Merida: I'D RATTER DIE THAN BE LIKE YOU!

Elinor: (gasps)

[

Elinor: Merida, you are a princess, (takes the sword from her hand and throws it to the ground) and I expect you to act like one! (then she yanks the bow off Merida's shoulder and throws it into the fireplace)

Elinor: Milords, I am out of sorts at the moment. But you shall have your answer. (burps)

Donald: Oi! Well that was rude!

Douglas: Aye! And disgusting too!

Rarity: Ugh! No kidding.

Elinor: Presently. Now, if you'll... (GROANS) excuse us.