Pig of the Mole People/Transcript

Here's 43rd episode for season 2 from Winnie the Pooh Goes Back at the Barnyard. Here's the Transcript.

The Beginning

(The scene begins with Peck, Freddy, Cosmo, and Spike with digging tools)

• Freddy: Ready to break ground on our new vegetable garden/spicy hot wing grill?
• Cosmo: Ready.
• Spike the dog: I can taste those wings now.
• Peck: Uh, Freddy, Spike, I don't remember discussing a hot wing--
• Freddy: Enough talk! Let's dig!
• Cosmo: Let's start here.

(Freddy starts to pick but the ground starts to shake rapidly)

• Freddy: I angered the earth!

(Everyone else comes out in a panic)

• Otis: Stop, drop, and roll! Stay with our buddy; and other wordy phrases!
• Pig: Hey, earthquakes makes my belly jiggle! (starts jiggling)

(Suddenly a giant drill comes out from the ground)

• Winnie the Pooh: What is it?
• Piglet: It looks like a giant drill.
• Katie Knight: Isn't that our giant drill?
• Goofy: Must've left it out in the open.
• Sunset Shimmer: So, what's it doing back here anyway?
• Lisa: A better question is, whose driving it?
• Pig: Hey, it must be the mole people. I haven't seen them since they banished me from there underground kingdom.

(Everyone looked confused)

• -They banished you?
• Pig: Guys, don't you remember?

(Flashback from Get Bessie)

• Otis: Wow, saving that race of mole people from those giant evil blood worms at the center of the earth was cool.
• Donald Duck: You said it.

(Everyone agrees)

• Abby: I still can't believe they made Pig their emperor.

(Suddenly, Pig comes flying out of the ground)

• Luna: What happened?
• Pig: I abused my power and learned nothing.

(Back to the present)

• Otis: Oh, those mole people.

(Everyone remembers now)

• Sora: I wonder what they want.
• Donald Duck: Maybe it's another Save the Moles fundraiser again.
• Isabella: Couldn't be. We started a bake sale... (cut to Holly, whose face and hair are all blown up, holding a burnt bag, Isabella continues off screen) ...then we tried cat-sitting... (pan to Ginger with scratch marks, torn clothes and a similar sign, cat hair falls from her) ...even a lemonade stand... (pan to Katie, body nearly wrapped in bandages) ...but, nothing worked.
• Baljeet: Well, if not that. Then what?
• Luan: Only one way to find out.
• Peck: I think I hear--(crushed by the door and 3 moles fell out)
• Pig: Don, Ernie, Merton, what are you guys doing here?
• Merton: Your majesty, we've found you.
• Don: We almost given up hope.
• Ernie: Where's the bathroom?
• Merton: Hey! (smacks Ernie) A little respect for your emperor.
• Moles: Hail, Pig! Emperor of the Mole People!
• Ernie: Now can I go? (gets smacked again)
• Otis: Whoa, mole guys. What'ya mean "emperor"? I thought you fired Pig for begin the most horrible emperor ever.
• Pig: I'm standing right here, ya know!
• Eeyore: It is true.
• Merton: We were wrong! We beg forgiveness!
• Don: Your reforms all worked out brilliantly
• Pig: Really? You mean putting PACE Appreciation back in our schools?
• Don: Test scores went up by 83%.
• Pig: And replacing hospitals with pie factories?
• Ernie: Pie expanded our lifespan by years.
• Abby: Wow, guys. Sounds like everything's slap happy in Mole Town.

(Mole were flattered)

• Merton: Until the blood worms came!
• Otis: Blood worms? What blood worms?
• Don: Words can't describe the awful horror!
• Ernie: (pulls out camera) So, we brought a slideshow.
• Don: Here's us enjoying pies Mercy General Pie Clinic.
• Ernie: Here are the blood worms invading!
• Merton: And here we are having tapas at a cafe.
• Don: And here's our civilization in flames!
• Ernie: Oh and here we are wearing crazy joke glasses.
• Otis: Ok, ok, we get it! Blood worms. We're all up to speed on the blood worms.
• Merton: We beg you, emperor. Give us refuge!
• Don: Hide us from the blood worms!
• Ernie: I really need a bathroom! (smacked by Merton again)
• Pig: Aww, you poor guys. Stay as long as you want and the bathroom's all around you!
• Moles: Three cheers for our emperor! Huzzah! Huzzah! Huzzah!
• Otis: (pulls Pig away for a second) Pig, what are you doing? We can't let the farmer see these crazy mole guys running around.
• Pig: Otis, they're my subjects. I owe it to them. I promise you'll never even though they're here.

The Middle

(Later that day, the moles built Pig a throne, a crown and starting singing)

[Moles]

All hail the emperor of the moles

He's big, pink, and divine

He's got pizzazz

He likes smooth jazz

All hail the emperor of the moles

• Ernie: Jazz paws!
• Pig: Guys, please. You're spoiling me. (laughs) Why'd you stop singing?

[Moles]

All hail the emperor of the moles

• Abby: Otis, they've been paying homage to Pig for hours.
• Pip: And they dug up the barnyard to build that stupid throne.

(Freddy and Peck pops up from the ground)

• Peck: And they keep accidentally burying us.
• Human Rarity: They kept stealing all my products for Pig to "freshen up".
• Leni: I keep falling into their holes.
• Goofy: Me too.
• Perry: (chatters)
• Phineas Flynn: Even, Perry's getting a little uncomfortable with them here
• Ferb: They're driving us insane!
• Lana: To you maybe!
• Olive Doyle: I don't mind them. I'm getting tons of search done for my sociology project of the moles.
• Tigger: Otis, can't you do something about them?
• Otis: Guys, we need to be patient. They're new to our world. Their ways are strange and moley.
• Merton: 78th verse!
• Everyone: NOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!

[Moles]

All hail the emperor of the moles

He's big, pink, and divine...

• Otis: Hey, great homage. Hey we get it. Wow. That is a earful of delightfulness, but what say we take a break from that and put lunch in our singing holes?
• Pig: Oh, the emperor of the moles loves his lunchies.
• Don: It shall be done. Prepare the emperor's table,serving cow.
• Otis: Excuse me? Who are you calling a serving (gets shocked) COOOOWWWW!!! Pig, would you say something?
• Pig: Heh heh. Serving cow.

(Later that day, Otis comes in with food)

• Otis: (with bags) Guys, food's here.
• Timmy Turner: Complements of the Burpin' Burger.

[Lincoln]

Hungry, y'all? Look no further!

[Loud Kids]

Come on down to Burpin' Burger

Grade B Beef and special spice

When it comes back up it's twice as nice!

(Everyone was about to dig until the moles comes in)

• Ernie: Stop! The emperor's food must be tasted first.
• Otis: What are you talking about? We always order from this place.
• Pig: Oh, come on Otis. Let them do. They like helping.
• Ernie: This tomato could be radioactive.

(The moles started throwing all the food out except for a pickle)

• Merton: Good news, great one. This pickle is totally safe.
• Pig: You crazy knuckleheads. You really look out for me.
• Otis: Pig, you have got to control your (shocked again) MOLES!!!!
• Don: Do not disturb the emperor at pickle time. (kept shocking Otis)

(Later the day, Pig takes his nap)

• Merton: The emperor's nap goes well. But his throne room is disgusting.
• Don: Highly unsanitary.
• Ernie: A total dump.
• Merton: Yes. We must find a more suitable palace.
• Ernie: Huzzah!
• Merton: No, Ernie, no.
• Ernie: I get excited!

(Outside, the Farmer heads for his mailbox)

• Ernie: Nice dwelling. The emperor should live there.
• Don: Looks like that humanoid already does.
• Merton: We must vanquish him. MOLES ATTACK!!!
• Farmer: AAH, MOLE PEOPLE!!! (runs away but crashes in his mailbox)
• Pig: (yawns) Great nap. Hey, guys, have you seen my moles?
• Freddy: Yeah. Don't you remember you did that special for the dermatology channel.
• Luan: Yeah. You'd called it Meet My Moles.

(Meet My Moles)

• Pig: Hello, and welcome to another episode of Meet My Moles, starting me, Pig. But, enough talk. Let's jump in and meet my moles. This is Sally. She's shy and likes long walks in the park. This little fellow is named Gustav. He's a grumpy little bugger so I usually let him sleep late. And this is Benji. Let's see if he wants to say hi. Benji, say "Hi" to the nice people. Come on, little fella. (Suddenly, the ear mole falls off) That wasn't a mole at all. It was just a old raisin. Oh well. That concludes today's visit with my moles.

(Back to the present)

• Pig: No, Freddy. I mean the mole people.
• Otis: You mean those annoying little shock jockies? Yeah, Pig, they've gotta go.
• Pig: Come on, Otis. I know their customs are weird,but they really don't mean any harm.
• Human Fluttershy: Is that them kidnapping the farmer?

(The moles comes in carrying the farmer tied up)

• Otis: Wow, look how wrong you are. Step away from the farmer.
• Merton: But, he is our prisoner.
• Don: He's going to be center piece of the emperor's new garden.
• Ernie: He'll be fine as long as we water him. (sprays the farmer)
• Otis: Fine, I'll take him--(shocked again) BAAAACK!!! I never get used to that.
• Pig: Don, Ernie, Merton, stop it, now!
• Merton: Do we displease you?
• Don: We beg forgiveness!
• Ernie: They made me do it!
• Otis: Barn meeting!

The Ending

(A few seconds later)

• Pig: Please, guys, it won't happen again.
• Pip: No way. They're really annoying.
• Abby: And they sing terrible
• Peck: (He and Freddy pops from the ground) And they keep burying us!
• Otis: Sorry Pig. Those moles have got to go.
• Pig: All right. (to the moles) Sorry, guys. I'm afraid you can't stay here anymore.
• Moles: Awwwww.
• Merton: We understand, great one. Come, my brothers. Let us return to the earth and the certain blood worm related doom that awaits us.
• Don: (hears his phone ring) Hold on. I'm getting a text.
• Pig: Guys, this isn't right. I'm their leader. If they go, i go. (Everyone stood quiet) Well?
• Pip: We're thinking it over.

(Suddenly the moles started to panic)

• Pig: Guys, what's wrong?
• Merton: Emperor, we've received a message from down under. The blood worms have found us!
• Ernie: And they're sending Eric to come get us.
• Otis: What's an Eric?
• Merton: Eric the Destroyer, the most deadly blood worm of all. He will devastate your barnyard.
• Pig: Otis, we gotta do something!
• Otis: You're right. No giant blood worm with a human name is gonna trash our home. Come on guys!

(Suddenly the ground started to shake)

• Merton: Too late!
• Don: He's found us!

(Suddenly, Eric emerges from the ground and roars)

• Merton: He's terrible!
• Don: Save us from his savage fury!
• Eric: Pathetic moles! Do you think you can hide from my all consuming fury? (roars)

(As the screen pans back, it's revealed that Eric is tiny)

• Otis: Uh, you guys are kidding right?
• Eric: Face me, moles! Face the soul crushing terror that is Eric! (roars)
• Abby: Oh, he is just adorable!
• All: Awww!
• Freddy: Whose a little blood worm? You are. Yes you are.
• Otis: This is the guy who devastated your civilization?
• -Yeah, doesn't look that strong.
• Merton: Well, his power lies mostly in verbal abuse.
• Eric: Hey, moles, guess what?
• Moles: What?
• Eric: That's what! (laughs)
• Don: His taunts...they hurt! They hurt!
• Eric: You're so dumb, you think igneous rock is metamorphic instructor! (laughs)
• Merton: Oh, it stings!
• Ernie: He pushes all our buttons.
• Pig: Otis, we have to help! Moles have very fragile egos!
• Otis: Pig, it is a worm. I'm not about to--

(Everyone else goes after Eric but he keeps jumping around)

• Eric: (on Freddy) You know what I like about you guys? NOTHING!!!
• Freddy: Meanie.
• Peck: Oh it hurts.
• Eric: (on Abby) You have beautiful hair...ON YOUR UPPER LIP!!!
• Abby: Why you'd you have to say that?
• Eric: How's the weather down there, SHORTY!!!
• Pip: But, I'm taller than you, it's still hurts! (sobs in despair like everyone else)
• Otis: (sighs) Listen, wormy! What say you get on your hay wagon and hit the road?
• Eric: OK, DUGLY!!! I called you Dugly because you're dumb and ugly!
• Otis: Yeah, that's great. Look, your little schoolyard taunts don't work on me, so why don't you dive back into your little hole and leave us alone?
• Eric: You...have to wear bacon on your neck so just puppies would play with you!
• Otis: (feeling hurt) How did you know that? I'm a nice guy. Oh, why do I have to hang bacon around my neck!?! (cries)
• Don: He's defeated them all!
• Ernie: It's up to us!

(Moles started to attack until--)

• Pig: STOOOOPPPP!!!
• Merton: But emperor, he is smiting us with words.
• Eric: Emperor!?! Emperor of what? STUPIDTOWN!!!? (picked up) Looks to me, you should cut the between meal snack eh, Porky?
• Pig: I think somebody looking for the approval they never got from mommy and daddy blood worm.
• Eric: What? No way! I-I (sobs) It's true. I tear down others because of my own insecurity!
• Pig: Let it out. Let it out. Maybe now you realize name calling diminishes us all.
• Eric: You're right. I've been hurtful. Maybe there can be peace between our people,
• Ernie: Sounds like a certain worm needs a hug.

(Moles hugs Eric as everyone else Awwed except for Otis)

• Otis:(breaking the Fourth Wall) Is it me or this barnyard getting weirder?
• Abby: Pig, you just brought peace to the center of the earth.
• Pig: Hey, that's what emperors do. I here by proclaim a royal celebration of peace and face painting!

(Everyone cheered. Suddenly, a hawk flies in)

• Eldar: Emperor Pig, I am Eldar of the Hawk People. The Locust Men have invaded Hawk City. We need your help.
• Pig: I'm need elsewhere. You guys start the party without me. Eldar, away! (dragged a few times then flies into the sky)
• Otis: (breaking the Fourth Wall) Yep, definitely getting weirder.

The End.