Hickory Dickory Donkey/Transcript

Here's 37th episode for season 2 from Winnie the Pooh Goes Back at the Barnyard. Here's the Transcript.

The Beginning

(The scene begins with Pip lifting weights)

• Otis: That's it, Pip. You're a rat warrior. Lift with your whiskers. Kiss the pain. Push through it. Push through it!

(Finally Pip lifted his 4 acorn weights)

• Pip: Yes!
• Otis:That's it, champ. Wanna go for two?
• Pip: Nah, I'm good. I don't wanna get too huge.
• Otis: You're right. It's always--(sees something) Hey, Pip, look.
• Pip: Where?
• Otis: No, don't look. Don't look.
• Pip: But you said--
• Oits: I know what I said but I mean the opposite
• Pip: I'm confused.
• Otis: Continue not looking. I think that she-donkey checking you out. (sees her moving her eye) Ah forget it. There's something wrong with her eye.
• Pip: No, dude I think she winking
• Otis: Really? (sees her waving) Hey, yeah, she's totally into you.
• Pip: Too bad I'm already taken.
• Otis: Say-huh?
• Pip: You know me and Bessie kinda have that thing.
• Otis: You and Bessie?

(Flashes to times Bessie smacks, stomps, or throws Pip)

• Otis: Sure your sticking with that story? Besides, why don’t you ask Scruffy out on a date? She is definitely your type. She's smart, funny, and the same height and same species.
• Pip: Maybe I’ll go talk to the donkey.
• Otis: What? (Stops Pip for a sec) Whoa, whoa, whoa, slow down there Fasty McQuickstuff. You don’t wanna let a woman notice you’re serious for at least 79 months.
• Pip: What? What are you loco?
• Otis: Yeah, loco like a guy who knows donkey women. (Pulls out chart) Here, check out this power paint chart I made to explain optimal dating timetable. (Pip sneaks off while Otis was talking) After making initial eye contact it’s important to completely ignore women for a minimum of 3 weeks. Then glancing eye contact for 1.3 seconds to be followed by 4 more months of ignorance.
• Pip: Hey, I’m Pip. What’s your name?
• Prunella: Prunella.
• Pip: Hey, Punella, you must be lost. The supermodel convention is across town
• Prunella: (giggles then honks)
• Pip: So, you know I’m a mouse, right?
• Prunella: Good thing, I’m not a cat then. 

(Both of them play cat and dog for a while, until Pip comes back to Otis)

• Otis: Then comes Month 28, when you punch her playfully in the arm and run away giggling. Remember, no eye contact.
• Pip: Uh, Otis?
• Otis: Hand on there, kiddo. I’m teaching you about donkey women.
• Pip: I already talk to her. We’re going out on Thursday.
• Otis: Hmm, jump to month 412, eh? It’s risky, but I like it.
• Sora: Hey,guys what’s up?
• Otis: Pip just got asked out on a date.
• Winnie the Pooh: With Scruffy?
• Pip: Actually, with that girl. (points to Prunella)
• Human Pinkie Pie: Oh. So you ready to go out on that date.
• Pip: Well, I'm am a little nervous.
• Lori: Well, we should make this a triple date; Me and Bobby, Candace and Jeremy, and you and that donkey girl.
• Candace Flynn: Yeah, we know some of the best places in the county.
• Pip: What do you say Otis?
• Otis: Hmm, I don’t see why not. Aright, now let’s get you date ready!

(Later that day)

• Pip: So, what do you guys think, dressy or causal?
• Pig: Can't go wrong with the disco once
• Peck: Oh, what about a nice cape.
• Freddy: Ladies like sailor suits.
• Leni: Go dressy. First dates are usually important.
• Ginger: But, they might go dancing later. So probably keep causal just in case.
• Pip: What do you say, Otis?
• Otis: Well, according to this pie chart....
• Pig: Hey, pie.
• Otis: It's not real pie, Pig.
• Pig: I'll be the judge of that. (Otis whacks him with his stick) Continue.
• Otis: Ok, according to my estimate, an overwhelming 68% of donkey women likes their dates to where wizard robes.
• Freddy: Always a good choice.
• Peck: Easy to accessorize.
• Pig: Sounds about right.
• Katie Knight: It's a date, not a wizard convention.
• Otis: Hey, whose has the charts here?
• Olive Doyle:True.
• Phineas: But still it's not like Pip is going to rescue Prunella from a tower or something.
• Scruffy: Yeah.
• Pig: Well, just in case. Pip, take this lone sword from the mountain fires of Ironford. (pulls out sword)
• Wanda: Where do you get this stuff?
• Bessie: Wait, back up. The rat’s gotta date?
• Cadance: Actually it’s more of a triple date.
• Bessie: Good luck with that, Casa-no-chance. (laughs) Casa-no-chance. I gotta start writing these down

(Later outside)

• Abby: (writes it down) Casa-no-chance, got it
• Bessie: Honestly, why would anyone whould want to go out with that little rat is beyond me.
• Abby: Who, Pip? Well, he’s funny, smart, he’s got a nice car; come to think of it, he’s kinda a catch
• Bessie: You mean catch and release. Oh, that’s good. Write that one down too.
• Abby: (writes it down) Catch and release.
• Pip: Well were off. Wish me luck
• Peck: Have fun, Pip.
• Pig: Bring home the leftovers
• Otis: NO EYE CONTACT!!!
• Freddy: Don’t get cooties.
• Abby: Pip, I just wanna say that Prunella is one lucky girl.
• Pip: Thanks. She has all the qualities I like in a woman: she’s pretty, 20 times my size, and she ask me out.
• Tigger: Atta boy, Pip.
• Jermey Johnson: Well we’re gonna go pick up, Prunella. Pip, we’ll meet you at Siren’s Pizza.
• Pip: Ok, see you there. (Otis pulls Pip's car back and Pip drives off)
• Bessie: (overhears the conversation) She ask him out? This is getting weirder and weirder. Maybe I’ll just follow them to see what that donkey’s game is.

The Middle

(At Siren's Pizza)

• Prunella: So, after I got my Masters’, I spent 3 years playing semi-pro Donkeyball.
• Pip: Wow, you really live the rich life.
• Prunella: And yet, somehow, I feel my life is just beginning tonight
• Bessie: (hiding behind a plant) No one uses a sappy line like that. (comes out) Well look, it’s Pip. You here alone. Oh I see you have a donkey companion.
• -Bessie, the rest of us are right here and we’re on a date.
• -And second, what are you doing here?
• Bessie: Just picking up a pizza. (takes another guy's pizza) Give me that.
• Pip: Well, enjoy it. Goodbye.
• Bessie: Sure, I’ll join you. Thanks for asking.
• Lori: He didn’t ask you...
• Bessie: So, where you from, donkey?
• Prunella: Me? Well, I--
• Bobby: Uh, guys, the movie's about to start in 10 minutes
• Lori: If we go now, we can make it after the previews.
• Cadance: They're right. We better get going.
• Pip: Well see you later Bessie. Let’s go!
• Prunella: Oh, well it was nice meeting you.
• Bobby: Babe, was that a talking a cow?
• Lori: I'll tell you later.
• Bessie: Oh, she’s definitely up to something.
• Waiter: Would you like some bread with your jealousy?
• Bessie: No, would you like some up with your shut? (smacks the bread and the waiter)

(At the movies)

• Candace:I love this movie.
• Jeremy Johnson: Not as much as I love you.
• Candace: Yep nothing could ruin this moment.

(Prunella almost made a move with Pip but Bessie spilled popcorn on Prunella)

• Bessie: Whoops, I’m such a butterhooves. Hey, it’s you guys again.
• Pip: Bessie, are you following us?
• Lori: More like spying on us.
• Bessie: What? Don’t be stupid. It’s just pure coincidence that I ended up sitting right behind you at the particular movie. But as long as you're here, would you mind filling out this 30 page background check.

(The next day, Pip told the rest of the gang about the rest of the night)

• Pip: And everywhere we went, Bessie was right there.
• Peck: Pip, why would Bessie follow you?
• Donald Duck: Yeah, she doesn’t even like you.
• Lisa: I think it might be more than just a coincidence.
• Spike the Dog: Like she was feeling something besides hatred for Pip?
• Lisa: Yes. But I can't figure out what.
• Eeyore: What do you think it is Otis?
• Otis: Guys, isn’t obvious? Clearly, Bessie’s jealous.

(Bessie hears this and comes in through the door, smacking Otis)

• Bessie: What? I am not jealous. So I ran into Pip and his dumb donkey date at a restaurant and a movie.
• Pip: And the ice cream shop, and the dance club, then the bowling alley.
• Candace: And the ice rink.
• Jeremy Johnson: And The Tunnel of Love.
• Lori: And the carnival.
• Pip: And at Kissy Face Point
• Freddy: Wow, Pip, you got game.
• Pig: Oh yeah. He’s got the moves. 
• Piglet: Come on it can't be that bad. 
• Lori: Oh really? She's tripped a waiter carrying a Would You Be My Sundae. 
• Jermey: She kept bumping into Prunella at the dance club. 
• Candace: She also made her get a ton of gutter balls 
• Lori: And all those places were all Couple's Night. 
• Abby: Guys, Bessie probably ran into them by chance.
• Otis: At Kissy Face Point?
• Abby: Oh right, she’s jealous.
• Bessie: What?!?! I got to Kissy Face Point by myself all the time. That didn’t come out right. (everyone laughs at her) Ok, fine, I followed the little rat.
• Pip: I knew it!
• Bessie: But only because you can’t trust a donkey and not because I have feelings for a rat.

(No one believes her)

• Otis: Bessie, what do you expect Pip to do, wait around for you for his whole life? He’s a mouse. What’s he’s got, 4...5 years? And you treat him like dirt.
• Bessie: No I treat you like dirt. Watch. (smacks the door on Otis again)
• Timmy Turner: Are you ok, Otis?
• Otis: Oh yeah, she’s jealous. I can taste it. Oh no, wait, that’s my tooth.
• Bessie: Those morons are crazy. There’s no way I’m jealous over that mouse. (overhears Prunella)
• Prunella: (on the phone) Mertle, hi, it’s me. My plan is working. I got that clueless mouse totally fooled.
• Bessie: What the--?
• Prunella: Now all I have to do is get a picture of me kissing him to make my real boyfriend jealous. (giggles then honks) Bye.
• Bessie: I was right about her all along. That donkey just using Pip (hides for a sec) Phew, for a minute I actually had feeling for that little rat. Now my only concern is this constant talking to myself. (searches for Pip) Pip! Hey Pip! Pip! (sees Otis putting back the door) Hey, dummy!
• Otis: Ahh, don’t hit me!
• Bessie: No time for pleasure. Where’s your mouse buddy?
• Otis: He just left for his date with Prunella.
• Cosmo: Yeah something about getting a big surprise.
• Bessie: What?!?! We gotta stop him. That’s donkey just using him to make her boyfriend jealous.
• Otis: Bessie likes Pip. She gotta tiny boy-- (Smacked through the wall)

The Ending

• Pip: Prunella, this salad is amazing. What’s in it?
• Prunella: Just hay and dirt. Hope you save room for something sweet.
• Pip: Yeowza!

(As they about to kiss, Bessie comes in on a tractor)

• Bessie: Don’t do it Pip! She’s just using you!
• Pip: Ech, Bessie go home! It’s over between us. I know it’s hard, but it’s better this way.
• Bessie: No you tiny moron. Listen to me. She’s just using you to--
• Pip: (shushes her) Don’t speak. We had a beautiful thing. Let’s end it with dignity.
• Prunella: Ignore her, darling. Kiss me.
• Bessie: Put your lips on that donkey and you’ll be sorry.
• Prunella: Listen, lady, you had your chance with him and you blew it. So get lost. (kicks her) Now where were we?
• Pip: Hey, you can’t do that to Be--(Prunella kisses him while as also takes a photo)
• Prunella: Got it! Thor is gonna go nuts when he sees this. (sends the picture and honks)
• Pip: Thor? Whose Thor?
• Prunella: My boyfriend.
• Pip: What? You got a boyfriend?
• Bessie: That’s what I was trying to tell you, mini moron

(Suddenly, Thor, an angry moose comes in tearing the tractor in two)

• Thor: Prunella! Whose the little jerk you’re two-timing me with?!?! (sees Pip) Oh, there he is. Thor’s gonna have to hurt you. (breaks phone)
• Pip: I see. Well in that case…(Drives off)

(Cut to Pig’s Love Tips)

• Pig: Wow! Looks like our little Romeo, Pip, has gotten himself  into quite a dating conundrum. That’s why I never date anyone I haven’t investigated thoroughly...on a game show!

(The Love Game)

• Announcer: And now, here's the host of The Love Game, Cupid!
• Cupid: Hi, there! Welcome to the Love Game. Where we our contestant pick the bachelorette of their lives. Our contestant today, loves eating, loves not moving from his mudhole, and has a thing for anything imaginably possible. Please welcome, Pink and Chubby person, Steve Porkabelly! Ok, bachelorettes, hear the question.
• Pig: Bachelorette #1, Would you describe yourself as a good conversationalist?
• Bachelorette #1: Well, I like to think that I--
• Pig: Good answer. Bachelorette #2, What's your idea of the perfect date?
• Bachelorette #2: Well, first, I packed us a picnic lunch.
• Pig: Oh, I like where this is going.
• Bachelorette #2: Then I opened my heart to you and we would talk for hours and really get to know each other.
• Pig: Yeah, let's get back to the lunch. Is it low-cal?
• Bachelorette #2: Why, yes. I believe in eating healthy.
• Pig: Blech. Bachelorette #3, if I were a wizard lord with the power to slay dragons, what kind of soul stones would you use to unlock the secret treasure from the Dolest towers of Gilgamesh?
• Bachelorette #3: Actually, I would use a Sapphire Warlock Gem to bypass the Gremlin's curse.
• Audience: (Ooh's and someone yodels)
• Pig; Well, I'm in love. Bachelorette #3, get on out here. (whistles for his unicorn) Onward to love! Happiest day of my life. We broke up in the parking lot 4 minutes later. And now, back to the action!

(Cuts to Otis with his charts)

• Otis: As you can plainly see, as Bessie's jealousy increases, the number of teeth in my mouth decreases.
• Baljeet: But on the bright side, you get more money from the Tooth Fairy though.
• Otis: Good point, Baljeet. I'll make a note of that.
• Pip: Otis, Otis! Bessie was right! Prunella's just using me to make her boyfriend jealous and now he's gonna rip me apart!
• -Come on Pip, don't you thing your overreacting.
• -Yeah, I mean. How bad could jealous donkey boyfriend be?

(Suddenly Thor lifts and throws the barnyard)

• -Oh that bad.
• -Oh, well, nice knowing you, buddy.
• All: ()!!!
• Otis: Hey, buddy, violence is never the answer. (pulls down another chart) As this bar graph clearly indicates. Now if we follow the pattern we see that--(Suddenly Thor puts the chart into Otis mouth)
• Thor: You're next, mouse.
• Abby: If you want Pip, you gotta go through us first.
• All: Yeah!
• Pig: What
• Thor: (Catapults them into the sky and heads for Pip) Thor's gonna squish you now.
• Pip: She told me she was single. I didn't kiss her back.
• Thor: Thor smash!
• Bessie: I don't think so. (whirls Thor around a bit and makes him crash)
• Prunella: Thor!!!
• Bessie: And why don't you join him. (puts her on Pip's car and makes her crash into Thor)
• Otis: (get the chart out of his mouth and sees Prunella and Thor running away) That's right. That'll teach you to make me mad. Cause I have a lady acquaintance who's very strong.
• Pip: Wow, Bessie, I don't know how to thank you. Or do I? (tries to kiss her until he was swatted by Bessie)
• Bessie: Now, do you idiots realized I was just looking out for Pip and I was never in love with him?
• Abby: No, mam.
• Freddy: You dig him
• Peck: You're so in-denial.
• Pig: I'm unconvinced.
• Bessie: (sighs)
• Scruffy: So, Pip, since your free and not stomped by a jealous moose, you wanna hang out sometime this weekend?
• Pip: Are you asking me out?
• Scruffy: Uh...yes?
• Pip: Well, why not.
• -Awww.
• Timmy: And I'm over it.
• -Timmy!
• -Well at least things are back the normal.
• Katie Knight: (Breaking the fourth wall) So how are we gonna end this episode?
• Otis: Well according to this flow chart-
• Bessie: Give me that. (puts the chart into Otis' mouth then it pops the words, The End!)
• -That'll work.

THE END!