Escape from the Barnyard/Transcript

Here's the 2nd episode from Season 1 of Winnie the Pooh Goes Back at the Barnyard.

Script

The Beginning

(Otis making a statue of the Farmer, and Pip dress up of like the Farmer)

• Pip: Whoo-Hoo, look at me, I'm the Farmer. Howdy, I've worn overalls for 27 years.
• Otis: Pip, can you focus, please?
• Baljeet: Yeah, you just made him smear the face. It takes us 2 hours to make it.
• Otis: Yeah, do we have to get someone else to pose for my cream cheese statue of the Farmer?
• Tigger: Me! Pick me! Me, me, me!
• Lana: I'll do it.
• Scruffy: I can handle posing for you, Otis.
• Freddy: Oh, pick me, pick me. I'll pose for you. Let me be the Farmer. I want to be the Farmer! I earned this!
• Piglet: Oh, Freddy. Always tried to be the center of attention.
• Lincoln: I'll do it. I'd make a good farmer.
• -No, I'll do it.
• -I give it a shot.
• Cosmo: No, No! I want to do this because I know all about art.
• Wanda: Huh, Cosmo. Your art always makes a big mess.
• Cosmo: Oh yeah, why is that?
• Sunset Shimmer: Because you do your art in underwater.

(Duke comes in)

• Duke: I should be the Farmer. He and I are tight like that.
• Pip: Dude your such a kiss-up.
• Eeyore: It figures.
• Luna: It so obvious.
• Wanda: Always doing anything for their owner.
• CJ: Yep.
• Rabbit: They have a point there, Duke. Just because your man's best friend and kiss him and stuff, doesn't mean you should pose as him.
• Duke: (To Rabbit) Not true. I have never kissed the Farmer. I do admit to do some licking. But that's perfectly normal canine behavior. I find the man to be very refreshing.
• Rabbit: [Talking to himself] Oh why do is bother?
• Bessie: (comes in the barn) Hey, Leonardo de Dum-Dum! You said you were going to help Abby with the tick infestation.
• Pip: I'll clean your ticks.
• Bessie: Touch me and go from mouse to mouse pad.
• Pip: Later. (runs off)
• Abby: Come on, Otis. Those ticks won't stand a chance against my new lady beautiful styling combs.
• Otis: This is much more important. And...there. (finishes the statue) The perfect gift for Farmer Appreciation Week. We have a sweet deal here folks. Its time to show the man so gratitude.

(Pig and Cosmo eating the statue)

• Pig: Well said, Otis.
• Cosmo: Yeah, this is good.
• Otis: Guys, would you stop eating the farmer's head.
• Cosmo: Sorry.
• Pip: [off screen] Delivery Truck!

(Everyone comes to the window)

• Otis: Sweet crispy cud! Is that what I think it is?
• Wanda: Looks pretty big.
• Lana: I wonder what it is.
• -I see black, has a roof shape and has a few words.
• -I could be anything.

(The farmer brings out a new machine, the binoculars are too blurry)

• Freddy: It's dark and scary. It's filled with evil!
• Otis: Wrong, not evil. It's a new high tech digital sound system. And we get to use it when the farmer is out. Is this guy awesome or what?
• -I think of a lot of things to do with that.
• -Does it have to do with high-tech disco party for the next week?
• -Maybe.

(Abby takes a look)

• Abby: That doesn't look like a sound system.
• Sunset Shimmer: Yeah, it's more like a grill.
• Isabella: A pretty big one.
• Otis: Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Excuse me Miss Know-it-Alls, I think I know state of the art technology when I see it. Come, everybody. Let's go check it out! 

(Then Otis calls the farmer's phone, and runs into the house to answer the phone while he, Abby, Pip, Pooh, Cosmo, and Lincoln check out the sound system)

• Otis: Works every time.  
• Pip: The Quick Fryer Mark IV.  
• Otis: Hmm...  
• Lincoln: That's a weird name for a stereo.  
• Winnie the Pooh: Maybe Sunset Shimmer was right about being a grill.  
• Otis: (To Pooh) No no no no, watch and learn ok? The CDs go in here. (opens it) Then you crank up the volume right here. (turns the nob and the "system" began to steam them)  
• Pip: And then, you run away and screaming.

(Everyone screams and heads right back into the barn)

• Cosmo: Ah, hot steam! On the bright side, my shirt not wrinkled.  
• Otis: Ok so... not a sound system.  
• -No kidding!  
• -What was your first clue?  
• Freddy: (starts sniffing around with utensils) Hmm...something smells scrumptious. I mean disturbing! I knew that thing was evil! Evvvviilll!  
• Otis: Stop that!  
• Abby: Otis, whether we want to admit or not, the farmer has purchased...a barbecue grill.  

(Everyone was surprised and shocked)

• Sunset Shimmer: I knew it!  
• Freddy: Yay, I love kabobs!  
• Lori: What!?!  
• -Excuse me!  
• Freddy: Sorry.  
• Pig: I love kebabs too. You know, unless I know the "kebab-e".  
• CJ: I think I'm more veggie kebab than the meat kind.  
• Lincoln: Well don't knock it until you try it.  
• Baljeet: I, too, feel a certain element of kebabism.  
• Burford: Quiet you!  
• Scruffy: Especially with all those sauces you could put on it.  
• -Yeah, I mean what's kebabs without sauces.  
• Sunset Shimmer: What do you prefer, Leni?  
• Leni: I thinking to prefer sriracha.
• Winnie the Pooh: Yeah and honey, too!
• Rabbit: Huh, how can you think of honey, at a time like this?  
• Winnie the Pooh: I practice.  
• Otis: Ok enough with the kebabs, ok? It is not a barbecue! The farmer is a total vegan, guys.  
• Bessie: Vegan my rump! You know what I heard? I heard he ate an entire village down in Mexico.  
• Lisa: That scientifically impossible.  
• Otis: Yeah, pretty sure that not true. The farmer has absolutely no interest in meat whatsoever.  
• Pip: Here come the carnivore!  
• Scruffy: Scatter!  

(Everyone hides as the farmer enters the barn as lighting roars)

• The Farmer: Its time sheep. (Takes one of the sheep and leaves)  
• Luan: Well, it looks like he's getting ready to "chomp" on some lamb chops. (laughs)  
• -Luan, not now. This is serious.  
• Freddy: This is horrible! My dearest friends are going to be barbecued! (sobs then thinking about meats then freaks out again)  
• Duke: I'm too young to be eaten. Too Young!  
• Pip: Dude, get a grip. You're a dog.        
• Adyson: Yeah, you're his pet.        
• Tigger: That would be disgusting if he ate his own pet.        
• Duke: (To Tigger) What you saying I wouldn't be nice with some low-fat chips and nice cherry cola?        
• Otis: Alright enough with the chips and the cola! This is crazy talk, people, come on. Even if the farmer dips in seasons, I still wouldn't believe it.        
• Pip: [Off screen] Captain Cold Cuts, two o clock!        

(Farmer comes back with a big pot)

• The Farmer: (reading a instruction book) Pour olive oil dip calf. Add garlic salt. Let sit for 6 hours. (Puts calf in the pot and leaves)        
• Winnie the Pooh: Oh no. He's got little Joey.        
• -This is worse than we imagined.
• Freddy: He's marinating Joey in olive oil! And I would've used teriyaki and a chicken or a cornish game hen. If I crave flesh! Which I don't!        
• Scruffy: Stop talking!        
• -Wait, a minute.        
• -What is it, ()?        
• -I think I remember him talking about having too many pests around. So he was going to get something to get rid of them.        
• -He must've been talking about you guys.        
• -But, they haven't caused top much trouble, right?        
• Sunset Shimmer: Now do you do believe us?        
• Rabbit: I'm sorry Otis. But, the person you admired all these years is going to eat you.        
• Otis: You're right guys. How can I look you in those raisin eyes again? (Smack the statue on the ground)        
• Pig: Oh, I got dibs!        
• Cosmo: Save some for me!        
• Otis: Everyone, the farmer has betrayed us.        
• Lucy: I just wanna say I'm sorry for your loss of your fellow animals...and that I'd be honored to serve as funeral director.        
• -Probably not the best time, Lucy.        
• Eeyore: So, what do we do now?        
• Otis: Well Eeyore, there's the only thing we can do. Pack your things, we're leaving the barnyard, forever.        
• Pig: Hey whose got bagels?        
• Cosmo: And crackers...        
• Wanda: Not now Cosmo!        

The Middle

(A few moments later, our heroes finishes their escape from the Barnyard)

• Pip: We're ready to go, Otis.
• Otis: Has the escape pod been built to my exact specifications?
• Pip: Yeah, listen, we couldn't get an escape pod, because Cosmo and Wanda don't have enough magic with their wands to get the parts so we had to go a little more low-tech.
• Otis: Ok, so no warp drive.
• Ferb Fletcher: Um, no.
• Otis: Thrusters?
• Phineas Flynn: Uh-uh.
• Otis: Air Brakes?
• Lincoln: No.
• Otis: Doors?
• Katie Knight: Negative.
• Otis: Is there a floor?
• Pip: Uh, Define floor.
• Otis: All right, well, uh, we got hot air. That's a thing, right?
• Wanda: Yes.
• Sunset Shimmer: By the way, where did you get the air from?
• Pip: You don't want to know.
• Gretchen: Well, we have to go a little green.

(The cuts to Pig coming out of the outhouse)

• Pig: My work here is done.

(Leni, Luna, Luan, Lucy, Lana, Lola, Lisa, and Lily backs up)

• Lola: I don't think I need to tinkle after all.
• Scruffy: Yeah, you don't want to go in there for a while
• Otis: Alright, people, listen up! A daring aerial escape is our only hope! Now, it's going to be a squeeze, so carefully...
• Freddy: FARMER!!!!
• Winnie the Pooh: Gangway!
• Lincoln: Every man or creature for themselves!

(Everyone tries to get into the basket and the balloon breaks through the roof)

• The Farmer: Dang Termites. Always chewing on something. Dang thing.

(Everyone still trying to get in the basket as Mrs. Beady sees them through the window)

• Mrs. Beady: Nathan Randall, are we insured for damage cause by flying barnyard animals and crazy children?
• Mr. Beady: (groans) Got a postcard from your brain today. It's having a wonderful time.
• Mrs. Beady: Oh ha ha ha, make fun of me. Well I'll tell you something, mister
• Mr. Beady: (groans) Somebody take me out. Take me out
• Mrs. Beady: Did I get a postcard?

(Everyone is in the balloon while heading towards a thunderstorm)

• Tigger: Man, we're high up.
• Piglet: And I forgot how much I'm scared of heights.
• Lisa: I'm not so sure we should do this.
• Ferb Fletcher: Especially, in this kind of weather.
• -Plus CJ isn't fond of this type of clouds being around
• CJ: You got that right.
• Abby: Yeah Otis, because this is not a good place to be.
• Otis: Relax, Cosmo is stirring the balloon for that bank dark storm clouds to avoid being spotted.
• Winnie the Pooh: Oh, bother.
• Sunset Shimmer: You're letting Cosmo drive!?!
• Jeremy Johnson: I don't think that's really a good idea, Otis.
• Otis: Why's that?
• Because, 1. CJ mixed in with those clouds can cause massive lightning strikes.
• -And 2, because every time Cosmo is in charge of something, it always leads to disaster.
• Wanda: Yeah and you know Cosmo always drives everything with his eyes closed.
• Cosmo: Don't worry guys, I got this.

(The balloon pops and releases all the hot air)

• Otis: Well that wasn't so bad.

(They began to fall and scream and land into a tree)

• Otis: Is everyone ok?
• Freddy: (angrily) What do you think?
• Pig: (smelling himself) I smell like bacon.
• Cosmo: Mmm, bacon.
• Wanda: Think about it or I kill you.
• Cosmo: Sorry.
• Lisa: Besides, riding in a thunderstorm was not a wise choice.
• Scruffy: I agreed with you, Lisa.
• Baljeet: I concur. Usually, about 1 out of 10 are usually struck by lightning during a thunderstorm.

(Cosmo gets struck by lightning)

• Holly: Like that?
• Lisa: Yep.
• Abby: Uh... Otis?
• Otis: I know what you're gonna say. (as Abby) "Never fly into a lightning storm and never let Cosmo drive ever again."
• Abby: I was gonna say that, but then, I took a good look around.
• Otis: (Gasp)

(Everyone was amazed by the paradise they saw)

• Otis: I think we're gonna like it here.

(Everyone has a good time in paradise, like Peck dancing in the pool, playing golf, riding golf carts, and Pig dumpster diving in the trash can)

• Peck: Oh, Pig, this pond is perfect for my water ballet. (Laughs) We are in paradise.
• Pig: Look at this haul. Tater Tots, Pizza...

(Cust to Freddy seeing all the choices at the vending machine)

• Freddy: Chicken Salad, Turkey Jerky... It's like some beautiful Poultry-filled dream. Hold me.

(Cuts to Otis, Abby, Pip, Pooh, Piglet, Cosmo, Lynn, Scruffy and Tigger)

• Otis: (knocks a golf balls off the greens keeper into the hole) That's what I'm talking about.
• Pip: Birdie off the greens keeper's cabeza. Nice.
• Cosmo: I love golfing.
• Tigger: You don't play golf, cause' you're a fairy remember?
• Cosmo: Oh, yeah. Then why I have golf clubs?
• Winnie the Pooh: Uh, those aren't golf clubs, Cosmo. That's your art stuff.
• Lynn: Okay, my turn. Now, where are my roller skates?
• Scruffy: Wait. There are no roller skates in golf.
• Lynn: The way I play, there is! [grabs them and goes to put them on.]
• Otis: Let's me tee that up for ya, Lynn ol pal. (Suddenly, hallucinates the golf ball as Joey)

• Joey: Why you leave me behind Otis? I was counting on you.
• Otis: Joey?
• Joey: I'm all oily.
• Otis: There's nothing I can do. It was the farmer. THE FARMER!!!
• Abby: Otis, who are you talking too?
• Tigger: Yeah, are you alright?
• Otis: Huh? No one. I got to go..,, wash this thing its to chatty... I mean dirty. It's very dirty
• Joey: And Oily!

(Otis leaves nervously)

• Abby: Is he alright?
• Winnie the Pooh: Who knows.
• Pip: He still upset about the farmer. You know how it is when a friend tries to barbecue you.

(Pooh and Tigger doesn't get)

• Otis: Ok, keep it together, Otis. Everything's fine. Everyone's happy. Just relax and enjoy your tower of stillness. (imagines to ball cleaner as a sheep)
• Sheep: Hey, Otis. Got any mint jelly for my leg?
• Otis: No, I dont think... (screams) Why you there?! Just ignore it. (nervously laughing and hyper ventilating) (Suddenly sees the farmer as the grill)
• The Farmer: How you like your friends Otis? Grilled or honey roasted? (manically laughing)

(Otis extremely panicked and hits a garnder and takes his golf kart)

• Otis: Playing through! (heads off and warns to others)
• Freddy: (talks to the jerky) Oh, yes, don't mind if I do. Why thank you I will. No after you I will

(Otis takes Freddy's jerky away)

• Sunset Shimmer: What's going on Otis?
• Otis: Drop everything, people! We're going back!
• Freddy: (sighs) Hold tight my deliciously packed friends. I shall return.
• Leni: Why should we go back?
• Lori: Yeah, I mean we got you guys away from being eaten.
• Rabbit: And almost got electrocuted by a thunderstorm.
• Kaite: And now you want to go back?
• Candace Flynn: You must be crazy to take on the farmer and probably won't end on a skewer.
• Phineas Flynn: Plus we don't have enough equipment to get you back.
• Abby: They're right, Otis. I'll knock three strokes of my game since we been here.
• Otis: We have to save our friends! Now the farmer we loved is gone for good but we can still end he carnivorous reign of terror!
• Pig: Hmm, pass
• Pip: Pass
• Abby: Pass
• Freddy: Big pass. Huge pass.
• Scruffy: I'm staying here.
• Wanda: Me too.
• : I'm good.
• Piglet: So am I.
• Lincoln: Sorry, Otis, but it's unanimous.
• Otis: That pathetic. Did Luke Skywalker pass when he had to blow up the Death Star? Did Tarzan pass when Jane was threaten by the Chimp King? Did that guy...pass...when he had to do the thing.. in the place...with those people? You bet he didn't! Now who's with me?

(Everyone was still not convinced)

• Otis: (pretending his hands were killers) Get in the kart or the cow...gets it.
• Cosmo: Well, I'm convinced.
• -Morons.

The Ending

(The scene cuts to our heroes looking for the farm)

• Otis: Hang tough, guys. It may take weeks to find our home. Heck, it may even take months. But so help me...
• Abby: We're here!
• Otis: I knew that.
• -Sure you do.
• Pip: (sees the farmer put a sheep into the grill) The farmer just put someone in the barbecue! And now he's back into the field!
• -About to get another helpless animal.
• From the looks of it, it was definitely another sheep.
• -We can't let this happen
• I still don't know about this.
• -We have no choice
• Otis: ????'s right! We gotta save whoever is in that grill!

(They head towards the grill and Otis and Cosmo start banging it with a golf club)

• Otis: Open up! Open! Why wont you open? (getting exhausted)
• Cosmo: Let's just use dynamite!
• Pip: Guys, try pressing the button that say "Open".
• Otis: Oh, right. (opens the grill and sees the sheep naked)
• Sheep: (shrieked) Do you mind? I'm barely dressed here!
• Otis: Sheep? You're not barbecued! And you don't have wool.
• Sheep: The farmer clipped me with his new shearing knifes as part of my tick treatment.
• -Tick treatment?
• Sheep: Why you think I'm lying here? These lights kill ticks on contact.
• -Its a tick killing machine?
• So that's what he meant by getting rid of pests for good.
• -I guess he was talking about the ticks.
• Scruffy: Wait, if this machine kills ticks, then where's Joey?
• Lynn: Yeah, we saw him being covered in oil.

(Joey comes in skipping)

• Joey: The oil soothes your skin while you wait for your treatment. Oily, oily.
• Sunset Shimmer: Well that's a relief!
• -A huge relief.
• -I'll say.
• -Guess I was wrong.
• -Looks like he was just buying new cleaning tech.
• Tigger: Beats doing cleaning animals the old fashioned way.
• Winnie the Pooh: I guess he was only taking care of you guys.
• Otis: Yeah. I guess your right. You hear that, he not a carnivorous fiend. Whoo-who!

(Otis ran to the farmer in slow motion but accidentally crushed him in the process)

• Tigger: That's gotta hurt.
• Jeremy Johnson: Really hurt.
• Luan: Yeah, I think Otis gave him too much love. (laughs)
• Lincoln: Not now, Luan.
• Wanda: We better get him to the hospital.
• Isabella: No need. Ladies, time to put your First Aid Patches to use.
• Fireside Girls: Yes, mam!

(The next day)

• Otis: It feels real good to be home.
• -You said it.
• -Let's agree we never doubt the farmer of eating you guys again
• -Agreed.
• -And this need cream cheese statue is so much better than ever.
• Pip: Yeah, that thing looks actually like the farmer!
• Otis: Really? You think?
• -Pretty sure.
• Pip: The neck brace really highlights the eyes.

(The real farmer comes in and falls down. Then, Pig and Cosmo eating the statue again)

• Pig: Looks better without the head.
• Cosmo: You said it.
• Everyone: Cosmo!
• Pip and Otis: Pig!

(Otis takes the statue)

THE END!