Cupig/Transcript

Here's the 8th episode for season 2 from Winnie the Pooh Goes Back at the Barnyard. Here's the Transcript.

The Beginning

(The scene opens to Pig in the Farmer's house)

• Pig: (typing) I can no longer hide my love for you. "I desire you with all of my heart. Signed, your adoring admirer." Print! Oh, man, if that doesn't win The "Why I Love Flaky Tarts" contest, Nothing will.
• Oh, flaky tarts, I love you.
• Otis: Pig, get out of the way! Bessy just insulted me, and need to go onto Incrediblywittycomebacks.moo and get a clever retort. Here we are. Now, let's see... Bessy called me a warehouse of stupid. "Possible comebacks..." Oh, these are good. These are very good. I shall skew you with the words I have taken Of the interwebs, lady cow. [Laughs] print. Thanks, pig.
• Pig: No problem. Hey, where's my flaky tarts love letter? Well, I'll just print another.
• [Laughing] oh, yeah.
• [Clears throat]
• Oh, yeah, bessy?
• Well... "Same to you."
• Yeah, huh?
• You want some more of that, huh?
• Here we go.
• "In your face."
• [Laughs]
• Ah, that had "face" in it.
• I got another one.
• "As if."
• Ha! Dine on that sandwich.
• Whoo! Kapow!
• Ha, ha!
• Man, revenge is sweet.
• You say something, moron?
• [Whistling]
• Hey, surprise fun letter.
• "I can no longer hide my love for you.

(Otis finishes reading the letter to the others)

• Otis: "I desire you with all of my heart. Signed, your adoring admirer."
• Freddy: Hot stuff.
• Peck: How about that. Who do you think said it?
• Otis: I don't know.
• Pip: Come on, guys. Isn't it obvious?
• Otis: It is? Who--who is it? Is it Henna? Or that new she-goat?
• Pip: Oh, come on. It's someone we know really well.
• Otis: Bessy?!?!
• -No way, it's her.
• -She hates your guts.
• Peck: Everett?
• -He's a dog and fragile.
• Freddy: Give us the species.
• Pip: It's someone we see every day.
• Otis: Mrs. Beady?
• Peck: Mr. Beady?
• Freddy: Wonder Lady?
• Pip: No, it's Abby!
• Otis: Abby? You mean-- you mean our Abby? You think? No. Although--Really? Abby?
• Pip: I told you. You should tell her you like her back.
• Otis: What? No way. Too risky. What if it's not from her?
• Lincoln: Yep, been there before. My sisters and I thought that once with a secret admirer note once.
• Otis: Agreed. That would be the worst thing ever.
• Freddy: Well, maybe not the worst thing. (imagines himself being attack by scorpions) Mad scorpions! Get 'em off me! I'm not kidding. This is very, very uncomfortable! (suddenly crushed by a meteor)
• Peck: Um, that would be worse. (crushed by meteor)
• Pip: Yep.
• Otis: No, I need to be 100% sure that Abby wrote that letter before I tell her I like her.
• Pip: Why don't you just ask her if she wrote it?
• Otis: Ask her? That's crazy talk. I'll use lies, subterfuge, and deceit. (laughs maniacally)
• Peck: I'm okay. (suddenly crushed by a bigger meteor)
• -Seriously where do these meteor even coming from anyway?
• Hey.
• Everyone: (startled)
• Pig: What are you guys doing?
• Freddy: Otis is trying to get abby to admit she wrote him a love letter.
• Pig: A love letter? Huh, no kidding? I just wrote a love letter this morning to--
• Otis: Pig, please I need to begin Operation: Girl Talk.
• Peck: Operation Girl Talk? Yeah.
• I'm gonna call abby pretending to be hanna,
• Engage her in some girl talk,
• And get her to say who she has a crush on.
• Love it. Brilliant.
• It can't miss. Luckily, I'm a gifted mimic.
• Hello.
• [In girl's voice] oh, hello, abby.
• This is hanna the female girl hen.
• Bagock!
• Oh, hi, hanna. What's up?
• I'm in.
• Yes, well, you know, I thought I'd call
• To chat and stuff and, I don't know,
• Talk about boys we like.
• Okay. Who do you like?
• Who do you like?
• You go first. Oh.
• Well, okay.
• Um, I like...uh, peck.
• He's keen.
• Uh-huh. What else do you like about him?
• [Groans angrily]
• Well, he's handsome,
• And his feathers don't stink.
• Hey, peck, otis likes you.
• Otis and peck sitting in a tree...
• Would you keep it down?
• So anyway, who do you like?
• Well, I am kind of stuck on somebody.
• Uh-huh, uh-uh. Go on.
• I don't think it's any secret
• That I have a big old crush on...
• Hey, abby. Hi, hanna.
• Hanna?
• Oh, it's on.
• You really want to know who?
• Yes, yes. Tell me.
• Abby: I have a huge crush on... (blows a airhorn through the phone making Otis' brain pop out) Otis, you thought you could prank me,
• But I totally got you.
• Huh?
• I said, "I totally got you."
• What? I totally got you!
• What?
• Otis. Ah! A mouse!
• Oh, it's you, pip.
• What are you doing under the table?
• Well, abby and bessy always have lunch here every day.
• If abby wrote that love letter to me,
• She's bound to tell her best friend.
• Why don't you just ask her if she wrote the letter?
• Don't be ridiculous.
• Besides, girls love to talk about this stuff.
• They got some kind of gall bladder enzyme,
• And it makes 'em all blabbidy.
• Man, you really know women.
• Oh, here they come. Later.
• [Gasps]
• [Whispering] psst. It's otis.
• He's on one of his pranking kicks.
• Follow my lead.
• Oh, gee, bessy.
• This table is a little off.
• Would you help me get it into place?
• Sure. No problem.
• Move it that way. No, this way!
• Now shake it about.
• Shake it up. Now groove it over.
• Now tilt it. Tilt it back.
• Hard. Harder!
• So now we can eat.
• Bessy, would you pass the salt for my fries?
• Sure. In fact, let me salt them for you.
• Okay.
• [Groans]
• Oops. I spilled the super hot sauce.
• Here, let me squeeze some lemon on that.
• Oh, darn.
• There goes the extra-thick molasses.
• Oh, snap.
• I spilled the sardine chum chowder.
• Here, let me warm your food with a flamethrower.
• These hot embers might do a better job.
• Ow.
• Whoopsy, toxic waste.
• Say, I wonder what would happen
• If I shoved this giant sword through the table.
• [Screaming] oh, no.
• My body is tender.
• [Laughter]
• Oh, okay. Yeah, I see.
• Yes, it's very hilarious.
• Oh, it serves you right for trying to prank us.
• Prank you. [Laughs]
• Hey, and for your information, i...uh,
• Happen to have been looking for the lost city of the incas.
• Nope, not there. Well, I'm off.
• An explorer's work is never done.
• [Laughter]
• I got to find out if abby wrote that love letter.
• For the last time, just ask her.
• Please. That's the coward's way out.
• It's so funny that you got a love letter today,
• Since just this morning, i--
• Pig, please. I'm trying to think.
• Why don't you check if abby has a love shrine to you?
• A what?
• You know, a secret shrine to her beloved,
• Like my shrine to chef jacque labeouf,
• Inventor of the chicken nugget.
• How long's that been there? A couple of years.
• A love shrine.
• That's just the proof I need.
• Freddy, peck, you go distract abby.
• Pip, meet me at abby's stall in five minutes.
• We've got a shrine to find.
• Ooh. I'm full.
• [Munching and crunching sounds]
• [Spy music]
• ♪
• Hey, abby, where have you been?
• Yeah, we hardly see ya anymore.
• I see you guys every day.
• Really? That's fantastic.
• Hey, who wants to guess my weight?
• Oh, abby does. Abby does!
• I'll pass.
• Oh. Hey!
• Was that a bucket?
• Hey, let's play charades.
• Say, you wouldn't be trying to stall me
• While otis sets up another prank, would you?
• Both: uh... Want to wrestle?
• Wrestle? Why didn't you say so?
• [Joints pop and cr*ck]
• [Yelling]
• Shrine. Shrine.
• Got to find a shrine.
• Dude. A shrine?
• No. Hair dye. Abby's not a real blond.
• Would you keep looking?
• It's got to be around here somewhere.
• Maybe it's in her super secret drawer.
• She doesn't have a super-- hey, here it is.
• What?
• Oh, my gosh. A super secret drawer!
• [Groaning] okay. Okay. Uncle.
• Wait a minute.
• You fellas don't like wrestling. You are trying to stall me.
• Peck: No, we weren't.
• Freddy: Yeah, Otis isn't going through your stuff, if that's what you're thinking.
• -FREDDY, SHUT UP!!!!
• Abby: HE'S WHAT!?!?!
• Yeah, come on. Open.
• Why won't you open?
• [Gasps] abby!
• Abby: Otis, what are you doing in my stall, and why is Pip blond?
• Pip: Later. (runs off)
• Stall? Is this your stall?
• What's a stall?
• I thought this was my super secret drawer.
• I mean, I'm inspecting for termites.
• Termite: It's a lie.
• No, no, no. Seriously. I--
• Whoa!
• [Grunts]
• [Shrieks]
• Otis: Oh, why won't you just admit that you wrote me that love letter so I can admit that maybe I might feel the same way and we can get on with our lives.
• Abby: (drops Otis) Love letter? Otis, I never wrote you a love letter.
• Otis: What? You mean you never--You didn't--
• -That's what I was trying to tell you Otis.
• -The letter wasn't for you.
• Otis: So you wrote the letter?
• -No, I didn't write it; and neither did Abby.
• Otis: Then who did wrote it and was it for?
• [Car horn honks]
• Huh? What's that?
• I won.
• I won!
• Both: don't be stupid, don't be dumb.
• Eat flaky tarts. They're yum, yum, yum.
• Now here's flaky.
• I want to speak to the author of this
• "Why I love flaky tarts" letter.
• Me, me. That's me.
• I wrote that letter.
• Well, I hope you're hungry, because you've just won
• A lifetime supply of flaky tarts!
• True story!
• [Sweeping instrumental music]
• ♪

• Otis: "Why I love flaky tarts" letter?
• -Yeah, Pig enter a contest for a lifetime supply of his favorite snack.
• -And it looks like the letter you thought was from Abby won.
• Pip: You could've just asked her.
• Otis: You know, you could have suggested that before.
• Abby: Um, Otis...
• Otis: (shrieks seeing Abby right behind him)
• Abby: What was it you were saying about feeling the same way?
• Otis: Oh, that. Well, I can easily...Uh, I mean, um...Social discomfort! (runs away)

• Abby: (sighs)

(Abby pulls out a key in her hair and heads back to her stall. Where she opens her super secret drawer revealing a secret compartment of a mural of Otis. Back outside, everyone was shocked that the groaning Pig ate the entire shipment of Flaky Tarts.)

• Flaky Mascot: Wow, kid, I didn't expect you to eat a lifetime supply of Flaky Tarts in one afternoon.
• -Oh you have no idea what he's capable of eating.
• -You should have seen him after he ate an entire field of corn.
• Pig: Oh? (imagines the mascot as a real Flaky Tart laughing and slowly moves towards him)
• Flaky Mascot: Seriously, you're creeping me out. You--you do know this is a costume, right?
• Pig: Pig want eat big flaky tart.
• -RUN FLAKY!!!
• -RUN FOR FLAKY LIVE!!!
• Flaky: (screams and runs away) Get away from me! The giant pig boy is trying to eat me! Is anyone gonna help me, or am I just talking to myself? Seriously, this is just rude. At least fade out the scene.