Bling My Barn/Transcript

Here's the 6th episode for season 2 from Winnie the Pooh Goes Back at the Barnyard. Here's the transcript.

The Beginning

(The scene opens up with everyone minding thier own buisness until Otis and Pip comes in with a box)

• Otis: Guys, guys, after 3 to 5 buisness days, my new blinky wheely sneakers...have arrived. (quickly opens the box and take out the packing peanuts)
• Bessie: You're a cow dummy. Whatd'ya need sneakers for?
• Otis: Uh perhaps you weren't listening. They blink!
• -This is perfect.
• -We were planning to go out to the basketball court tomorrow for a game anyway.
• -Those punks will be so jealous over Otis new sneakers.
• Otis: You got that right! Behold! (pulls out something else)
• Abby: Uh that don't look like sneakers.
• -Looks like a oval blender.
• -What is it?
• Pip: (reads receipt) Nuclear atom smasher. What's that?
• -Oh those are used for smashing atoms and making them particles.
• -Looks like you may have got this by mistake.
• Otis: Yeah, who's Professor Otis von Fistlegruber?
• Otis von Fistlegruber: (in German) This is not atom smasher. This is light up sneakers.
• -Well, what do we do with it now, it has no return policy.
• -I'm sure we can use for something.
• -Does anyone have any idea how to use an atom smasher this side.
• Zobo: No foot print.
• Olivia: That's Zobo for not a clue.
• Otis: I'll bet pressing these buttons will solve the mystery.

(Everyone begs him not to)

• -I don't that's wise.
• -Especially with that big red glowing one.
• -Yeah, only an idiot would press it.
• -Considering it's you, this takes the icing on the cake.
• Otis: Guys, I'd appreciate your concerns, but the button is big and shiny and looks like candy. So....(about to press it)
• -DOGPILE!!!!

(Everyone tackles Otis but he slowly struggles towards the atom smasher)

• Otis: Wants...to...press....it. (pushes the button and smash turns on) Whoops. That's a big pile of not good.

(A big explosion goes up so high Snotty Boy could see it)

• Snotty Boy: Ha ha.

(Back at the barnyard, everyone comes up from their destroyed barn covered in soot)

• Otis: Atom smasher go boom.
• Bessie: Good one, Sir Isaac Moron. You blew up the barn.

(Everyone becomes angry at Otis)

• Otis: Look, we can blame someone other than me later, right now we have to fix the barn. (some of the wood that he picked up turns to dust)
• Pip: Dude, we better hurry. The farmer comes back 2 days from stand up comedy camp

(At the comedy camp)

• Farmer: Women be shopping. Right? You fellas know what I'm talking about

(In the farmer's house)

• Otis: Remember, grab anything that'll help us rebuild a barn
• Pig: I found some paste.
• Peck: I found some tape
• Freddy; (scream in pain) And I found the stapler. Hi
• -We're dead.
• -It's too bad Phineas, Ferb, Candace and the gang had to leave for the weeked.
• Wanda: And it's worse since our wands got destroyed in the smasher.
• Bessie: Will you keep it down? I'm trying to watch my show
• Otis; Uh Bessie, I think we have more important to do than watch this stupid---
• Announcer: Are you a barn-dwelling family whose barn was horribly destroyed but you can't pay for repairs?
• Otis: YESS!!!!
• Announcer: Just submit a taping of your family to Bling My Barn and you might win a complete barnyard makeover
• Otis: Guys, this is perfect. You know what we gotta do.
• Freddy: Press all the buttons on a atom smasher?
• Otis: No. This show is giving a free barn makeover to some deserving family. We'll disguise ourselves as a human family, make an audition tape and win that makeover.
• Tigger: What an fantasical idea!

(Everyone agrees)

• Otis: I'll be the stern but adoring non-cow father.
• Abby: And I'll be the daring female aviator who circled navigates the globe.
• -Uh....that's already been done.
• -You can be the next best thing: the mom.
• Abby; Right the mom.
• Otis: Right, Freddy, Peck, Pip, everyone else, you can be our adorable children
• Freddy and Peck: I call daughter!
• Peck: No me!
• Freddy: No, me!
• Peck: No me!
• Freddy: No, me!
• Peck: No, me!
• Pip: Can I have my own bed room?
• -Been wanting that for years.
• Pig; Well, good luck. Let me know how it works out.
• -And what about Pig?
• -I got it, we'll have him be the baby.
• Everyone: Awww.
• -I don't know guys. That seems a bit much?
• -And what's wrong with the baby we already have?
• Lily: Goo?
• -Well, we have to admit, she is still cute.
• -But with 2 lovable babies who lost their home to a unrelated atom smasher incident, it's a knockout!
• Pig: Forget it! I'm not wearing some hamulating disguise for one of your crazy schemes.
• -But you have before in the past.
• Pig: I did not.
• -Oh really?
• Otis: Pip, slideshow.

(Pip pulls down a slideshow of Pig's disguises)

• Otis: Pig as Snotty Boy; Pig as rich guy; Pig as lovable British Nanny.
• -And what about those other times....
• -As Mr. Hamtastic
• -As repair man
• -As a salesman
• -As pop star/boy band sensation
• -As movable but sweet singer
• -As Swedish casino player
• -As Jessica Alspice.
• -As weather man, Sunny Cakebaker
• -And dress like a woman to get free stuff.
• Pig: Again. I won't do it again
• Otis: Alright fine, piggy pooper, we'll do it without you. Guys, it's time to family up!
• Freddy: (screams in pain with a staple on his tongue) I stapled myself again.
• -And get a medical kit for him.

Great barrier reef,

This barn's been completely snocker-doodled.

Well, how-do?

I didn't hear you pull up. Come on in.

Bob notacow's the name.

My hands are black and weird.

Terrance hammertoe from bling my barn.

We got your tape, but I'm here to see

If your family deserves that blinging.

You bet we deserve that blinging.

But why listen to my words when you can see for yourself?

Honey, kids, company!

Hi, I'm trish notacow.

I'm a mother and a homemaker,

And my zesty lemon squares are the best on the block.

They sure are, and I've got the gut to prove it.

Ah! Those are extra guts.

Kids!

My name's skip. I like little league.

My name's sally. I'm at that awkward age.

I'm bobby joe. I'm waiting for my growth spurt.

Aren't they the bestest?

[Together] no, you're the best, dad.

That's enough talking.

As you can see, we're an extremely charming family.

Crikey, you got that right.

You could charm the toenails off a pollywoggle.

Great, then let's get blinging.

I was thinking we would take--

Unfortunately, you're also the ugliest family

I've ever seen.

That's not good. Cover your ears, kids.

He is right.

Now, if you had an adorable chubby baby,

I might be able to give you a pass, but you don't.

G'day, mates.

Wait! Don't leave.

You haven't met everyone in the family yet.

I'll be right back.

Pig, we need a baby. Fast!

No, no, no, otis.

I told you. I won't go "baby."

But, pig, you're already pink, chubby,

And like wallowing in your own filth.

You barely have to do anything.

Mm-mm. Mm-mm. My mind's made up. Sorry.

Is it so made up that you wouldn't do it

If I promised to take you to the unicorn aquarium?

Where unicorns frolic in a magical marine setting?

Get me my diapey.

[Moans in pain]

Look who I found taking a nap.

Goo goo. Ga ga ga.

[Coughs]

Sweet shrimp on the barbie!

That's the pinkest baby I've ever seen.

Look at the cheeks on that one.

He'll bring in a gobbledy flack of ratings.

Congratulations, notacows.

You're our flippity family!

We did it! Whoo-hoo!

Salem, jimbo, summon the crew.

We've got a barn to bling.

Terrance, you sure you don't want to go

With this other family instead?

They're really flappity great.

Do they have a floppity pink baby?

Ah, no.

Then cork your gobbledy flip-flap,

And get to nobbley work!

Other family? Let's see who we b*at out.

[Weeps] I got to tell otis.

I told you my lemon squares were good.

I made 'em with my friend bessy's milk.

Ha ha!

Always with the jokes, this one.

She's got the old notacow sense of humor, that's for sure.

Dad, sissy's eating skip again.

Bobby joe, no one likes a tattletale.

Sissy, disgorge your brother right now.

What brother?

Don't make me go in there.

Oh, okay.

When's supper?

Ha ha ha. Kids.

They're % water.

Anyway, I was thinking we could put

The bowling alley there and--

Goo-goo, goo-goo, goo-goo, da-da.

Not now, nameless baby.

Daddy's busy.

Mama. [Wails]

Baby, please.

Okay, folks. We're ready to start.

Everybody take your places!

I want a camera on that baby at all times.

Hold on a tigger. Where's the baby?

Baby?

Uh, he's crawling around here someplace.

Where's the baby?

He was here a second ago.

I bet sissy ate him.

Did not. Did to.

Did not. Did to.

I want to go to boarding school.

Well, we're not starting without him.

He's the floppity star!

[Chuckles] you know babies,

Always wandering off.

Listen, yank.

No wallaby, no chum buggery loo.

You got two ticks of the dillywanger,

Or you're up the ticklewick!

You are extremely australian.

You got minutes to find that baby!

And, baby, find him I will.

Come on, notacows.

Baby, daddy's getting impatient.

Uh, occupied.

Baby. Where are you?

Come out, come out.

I have a colorful scrunchie for you.

Yoo-hoo.

Otis. There he is.

Try and catch me!

After him!

[Playful saxophone music]

♪

Row!

Whoa-oh-oh!

Wait!

[All scream]

[All scream]

[Traps clanging]

Got you!

Pig, what's the big idea running out like that?

Yeah, don't you know we have a house to bling?

You got some 'splaining to do.

I'm sorry, guys, but I need to show you something,

And you wouldn't listen.

Look.

Who the cud are they?

That is the family we b*at out for the barn blinging.

Your wing's fine now, noble endangered creature.

Now fly. Fly!

Honey, good news.

I just cured four more diseases.

Yay, mom! Way to go, mom!

Bobby, you want to go

Donate our tonsils to the needy with me?

Can't, sis.

I'm helping the dalai lama with his math homework.

Oh.

I love you all so much.

Who needs walls and a ceiling when you have love?

Group hug.

Oh, scoot in, kids.

It's like a love sandwich.

Always room for one more.

Wow, they are clearly % more deserving than we are.

They deserve a new barn more than we do.

+ Golly, pig.

Sorry we didn't listen. Yeah, sorry.

Our bad. Sorry.

I guess it took the simple wisdom of a pig

Creepily disguised as a baby

To show us the error of our ways.

Come on, guys.

Let's go do the right thing.

Right. Let's go.

Let's do it.

[Grunts]

When the didgeridoo are those crickety gollywaggers

Bobbing up with the wicky weegle?

Crikey, even I don't know what I'm saying.

We're back.

There's my little ratings magnet.

Now, let's get a sh*t of-- wait!

Sorry, hammertoe, but we're dropping out of the contest.

Dropping out?

There's no backflapping

Once the dingo's out of the jackabarra.

No floppity way! Oh, really?

What if I do this?

[Squeals]

Agh!

It's a disgusting pig baby.

Let's boozle it over to the other family

Quick as fizzlickers.

Crikey! Let's get out of here!

Ah, otis, I'm glad the other family's

Going to get a barn and everything,

But what are we going to do?

There. Good as new.

Where'd you get all the building material?

Oh, I just borrowed some spare parts

From the farmer's house.

He'll never even notice they're missing.

Farmer's back from comedy camp.

[Humming, whistling]

Good thing I learned how to laugh about life

At comedy camp.

[Laughs]

Oh, it's not working.