Barnyard Idol/Transcript
Here's 31st episode from Season 1 of Winnie the Pooh Goes Back at the Barnyard.
Script[edit | edit source]
The Beginning[edit | edit source]
Man: hey, folks, think you can sing?
Well, then boogie on down tomorrow to audition for "do you gots it?"
♪ I'm a bit of a dum-dum
♪ And I almost never bathe
♪ I'm so pretty, oh, so pretty ♪
♪ I'm so pretty and cuddly and smooth ♪
These singers chew cud.
My ear mites can sing better than that.
Mine too.bring it on.
So come on down and show us what you gots
For a shot at the grand prize, this solid gold tractor.
Ooh.
I don't care what you say, I'm going to enter that contest and win it
With or without your support.
[Sighs]
♪ All the ladies in the house with the unsupportive spouse ♪
♪ Say yeah, say yeah
♪ Can't touch this.
Otis: so it's settled.
Since they only allow one contestant per household
I'll audition for "do you gots it?"
You?
But I'm the best yodeler in the barnyard.
[Gibbering]
What about my breezy calypso stylings?
I'm serious...
I really feel like I have the strongest...
And first of all, it was my idea.
Male voice: ♪ the pipes, the pipes are calling... ♪
What is that glorious sound?
It's positively enchanting.
It seems to be coming from over there, come on.
Why, it sounds like a heavenly angel.
Or a bewitching sorceress luring us to our doom.
Hey, maybe the angel and the sorceress had a kid.
You mean a sorcer-angel?
No, more of an angel-ress.
What the...
♪ ...boy, oh, danny boy
♪ I love you so...
Pig-arotti, why didn't you tell us you could sing like that?
What... Oh, it's just my lullaby voice.
Skunky finds it soothing.
[Gasps] pig, you should be the one to go on "do you gots it?"
Absolutely.she's right.
Wait, wait, wait, wait a second, I thought we already decided on me.
Come on, otis, you can be pig's manager and coach him to victory so he wins the tractor.
Hmm, the old manager-victory-tractor angle.
I'll do it.
[Cheering]
Shh... Oh, boy.
[Screaming]
No, no way, I am not dressing up as a boy and singing just to win a stupid contest.
But, pig, think of the fame, the glory.
With me as your manager, I'll finally get those things.
No, otis.
Pig, don't you want to win that gold tractor for the poor farmer?
Still no.
Pig, do it for skunky.
Yeah, do it for skunky.
Yeah, little skunk-erico.
No, I'm out, case closed.
Ok, we'll respect your wishes.
[Whistling]
Bag him and shove him in the truck!
You people are all animals!
Announcer: get ready, people.
It's time for the hottest singing competition in the tri-county area.
All: "do you gots it?"
Hey, I'm ryan earcrust,
And this is the th show I've hosted today.
Let's get to our first contestant.
He's a mountain man from the mountains.
Say hi to mountain joe.
♪ Everybody...
♪ Weasels in the tater patch, ohio ♪
♪ Weasels in the tater patch, ohio ♪
♪ Weasels in the tater patch, ohio... ♪
[Gibbering]
Well, all right.
Let's hear what the judges have to say.
Local anchorman hilly burford.
That was amazing.
I want to say it was fantabulosticacious
But that's not a word, as it turns out.
Pop star jessica allspice.
Dude, you were great.
I want to party with you.
And bigfoot.
[Groaning]
Well, son, according to bigfoot, you're moving on to the next round.
[Groaning]
Bigfoot?
How'd he get that sweet gig?
Isn't everybody afraid of him?
No, not since he had that hit song, "no fear bigfoot."
♪ No fear bigfoot
♪ Bigfoot no fear
♪ Me no eat you, no crush your head... ♪
Hey, otis, check it out.
♪ My shoofly pie brings the boys to the yard ♪
♪ And they're like, that's really good pie ♪
♪ Yes, ma'am, that's really good pie ♪
[Beatboxing]
[Groaning]
Hold on, just hold on.
Oh, lady, that was terrible.
No joke, just atrocious.
You're k*lling me over here.
[Gasps] I'll have you know I was runner-up for miss tri-county songbird of .
I will not be insulted...
Security!
Wait a minute, let go of me, this is an outrage.
Ooh, tough break, toots.
Pip: yeah, better stick to karaoke.
[Gasps] it's those talking barn animals, stop them!
[Screaming]
If I don't gots it, then I'll make sure
Those talking barn animals don't gots it either.
We heard 'em all, pig, not a single one can match your vocal chops.
♪ Ohh...
♪ Ooh.
Ok, maybe her.
But there's one thing she hasn't got.
What's that?
I don't know... But I will think of it.
And when I do, I'm gonna tell you, and then we're both gonna know
And knowing about it is gonna make us fully knowledgeable about...
Man: clay bacon, you're up.
Whoa!
Oh...
Hey, you're a funny-looking fella, ain't you?
What's up with that?
[Clearing throat]
♪ Oh, danny boy
♪ The pipes, the pipes are calling ♪
♪ Danny boy, I love you so...
[Cheering and applause]
Son, you may be pink and funny-looking
But you just made me believe in magic.
I... [Sobs] I want to party with you.
Too bad he's disqualified because he's a barn animal.
Ooh, tough luck, son, bigfoot says...
Hey, wait a minute, you're not bigfoot.
Security!
[Screaming]
Son, you're going to the next round.
[Cheering and applause]
Yay!
[Muffled cheering]you nailed it.
Just one more round tomorrow and I'll have the fame and adulation I so clearly deserve.
Don't you mean the farmer will finally win the gold tractor?
Right, what did I say?
Never mind, come on, let's have some punch.
Can I help you...
[Shouting]: mr. Pig and cow in human costumes thinking no one notices?
Um, I'll just have the, uh, lettuce cups.
Security!
Hurry, do something.
Can't you see they're animals?
[Hawk screeches]
They put lettuce on their heads, they're animals, I swear.
Let go...
I would seriously consider hiring another craft service person.
[Screaming]
So, otis, who do you think I'm up against in tomorrow's finals?
Who cares?
I'm telling you, pig, this thing's a lock.
♪ Hoo...
[Glass shattering]
[Singing continues]
Audience: wow.
We have to rehearse.
But I thought you said...
We have to rehearse!
♪ La-la-la-la-la, la-la-la-la-la ♪
♪ La-la-la-la-la
Higher, pig, higher.
♪ La-la-la-la-la
♪ La-la-la-la-la
♪ La-la-la-la-la
[Sighs] if you can't break glass like that freak girl, we'll never win.
Aw, come on, otis, I'm tired, my throat hurts.
No, it doesn't, that's your soft palate burning with the desire to win.
Now try again!
Ok.
♪ La-la-la-la-la-la-la...
Higher...
♪ La...
Higher.
♪ La...
[Choking]
Uh, otis, I think he lost his voice.
No, don't you see, he didn't.
It's so high, it can only be heard by rodents and scorpions.
Tell 'em, rodent.
I don't hear nothing.
How 'bout you?nope.
No, this isn't happening.
Ok, don't panic, it's fine, you know what, it's fine.
He still has a few hours to get his voice back.
Actually, he's due onstage in minutes.
You and your truth!
Milk me, come on.
This won't end well.
I know... Wanna go watch?
I'm there.
I love a good train wreck.
♪ Ohh...
♪ Yeah.
[Cheering and applause]
Ok, pig, you're up.
And don't worry, I'll do your voice from behind the curtain.
You just lip-synch along.
Is that fair?
Fair don't puts otis on the cover of "solid gold managers yo" magazine.
[Person coughs]
Otis, do you even know the words to this song?
Of course I know the words.
The words...
Otis: ♪ oh, skunky boy
♪ The clowns, the clowns are hollering ♪
♪ With hay for all
♪ And lots of magic pie
♪ So let's eat fruit...
I'll expose those animals if it's the last thing I do.
[Inhales]
Cheating, huh?
I might have suspected.
♪ And I like elves...
[Gasping]
Busted!
What the...
It's a scam. [Screams]
[Groaning]
They're making a mockery of this show
Which embodies all that's great about us as a species.
Lady, your vigilance has saved this show and made you a national hero.
Oh, and that's not all, they're also talking barn animals.
They live next door to me
And have wild, ritualistic hoedowns all night long.
You had me, and you lost me.
Security!
That one's a cow, and he's a pig, I'm not crazy...
Whoo, what a whack job.
You clearly can't believe a word out of her mouth.
Well, on with the show, right?
Take 'em downtown, fellas.
This is an outrage.
Hey, I'm an audience favorite here.
Otis: get your hands off me.
I'm going to be famous.[Crash]
Hop on, we're busting out of here.
[Tires screeching]
[Yelling...]
♪ ...an ave there for me
[Purring]
Glad to hear your voice is back, pig.
Look, I just wanted to say... I'm really sorry I didn't get famous.
-And?
Otis: And I'm sorry I'd put so much pressure on you.
Pig: Aw, it's ok... At least I got this nifty tote bag.
Abby: Too bad the farmer couldn't keep the tractor.
But, officer, I have no idea how that got here.
Yeah, yeah, get in the car, pal.
Well, better start getting his bail together.
No, no, it's not necessary, otis.
Skunky, come on, wake up, little guy.
Skunky, go get 'em!
Farmer: aah, skunk!
Aah, the smell... [Yelling]
So what's for lunch?
I don't know, but I'm starving.
Abby: I could go for some tacos.
Farmer: aw, geez.[Siren wailing]