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Band Geeks/Transcript

From Pooh’s Adventures Wiki

This is the transcript for the Pooh's Adventures Chronicles episode Band Geeks.

(A horrible sound is heard, which turns out to be Squidward playing his clarinet until the doorbell rings. Doctor Forrest is at the door with a paramedic)

  • Doctor Forrest: Yeah, uhh, we're with the pet hospital down the street and I understand that you have a dying animal on the premises.

(Squidward slams the door shut. The phone starts to ring)

  • Squidward: Hello. You've reached the house of unrecognized talent. Please start after the (He plays a clarinet note)
  • Squilliam: Sounds like you've got a dying animal to attend to, eh, ol' chum?

(Squidward gasps)

  • Squidward: Squilliam Fancyson from band class?!
  • Squilliam: I hear you're playing the cash register now.
  • Squidward: Sometimes. Uh, how's the unibrow?
  • Squilliam: (Waving his unibrow) It's big and valuable. I'm the leader of a big fancy band now, and we're supposed to play the Bubble Bowl next week.
  • Squidward: The ba-ba-ba... The ba-ba-ba... The ba-ba-ba?!?!
  • Squilliam: That's right. I'm living your dreams, Squidward. The problem is, I'm busy next week and can't make it. So, I was hoping you and your band could cover for us.
  • Squidward: Ohh, uhh, I... I, uhh...
  • Squilliam: I knew it! You don't even have a band! Well, I'll just let you get back to the service industry now.
  • Squidward: Hold it! It just so happens that I don't sell fast food, I do have a band, and we're gonna play that Bubble Bowl! How do you like that, Fancy Boy?!
  • Squilliam: Good luck next Tuesday. I hope the audience brings lots of... ibuprofen!

(Squilliam and Squidward hang up the phones)

  • Squidward: I gotta drum up a marching band fast! Drum... haha... band humor.

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(Squidward looks at his watch while driving a shell cart)

  • Squidward: Stupid music rental clerk made me late. That trilobite didn't know an oboe from an elbow. Elbow, heh, more band humor.

(The scene cuts to inside the room, where everyone is there)

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  • Gadget: Do instruments of science count?
  • Squidward: No.
  • Patrick: Is mayonnaise an instrument?
  • Squidward: No, Patrick, mayonnaise is not an instrument.
  • Lynn Sr.: (shows a cowbell) What about this?
  • Squidward: Now that's an instrument
  • Gopher: (shows a washboard) What about this?
  • Squidward: Definitely
  • TBA: (shows a pair of pots) These?
  • Squidward: Uh sure why not
  • Homer Simpson: (pointing to a couch) What about that?
  • Squidward: That's a couch
  • Homer Simpson: Yeah
  • Squidward: That's pushing it but sure why not
  • Ed: What about this? (He shakes a baby rattle)
  • Squidward: No, Ed, a baby rattle is not an instrument.

(Patrick raises his hand again)

  • Squidward: Horseradish is not an instrument, either.

(Patrick lowers his hand)

  • Squidward: That's fine. No one has any experience. Fortunately, I have enough talent for all of you.

(Squidward laughs. Everyone stays silent)

  • Eddy: Boring!
  • Tigger: I got better things to do than doing this, I think I’ll go trim my toenails. Or, better yet, I’ll go trim Pooh's toenails.
  • Rabbit: Oh, Tigger, where are your manners?
  • Tigger: I don't know. But I bet they're having more fun then I am!
  • Velma: Tigger, behave!
  • Tigger: (pouting) Fine

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  • Launchpad: Kicking? I wanna do some kicking! (Launchpad kicks Spinelli in the leg)
  • Spinelli: Ow! Why, you...! Why I oughta...! (She jumps on Launchpad and starts fighting him until they roll outside and the doors slam shut)
  • Launchpad: Aaaaaah-ho-ho-ho-ho-aaah! (Everyone pauses and stare at the door, then Launchpad sticks his head back in) Whoever is the owner of the DeLorean, you left your lights on.

(Launchpad walks in and it is revealed that Spinelli has stuck his body in a trombone. Trombone notes are heard as he walks towards his seat. As he sits down, he makes a sound on his trombone. Makes a loud trombone noise as he opens his mouth and then stares at himself)

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  • Squidward: Well, this is our last night together before the show. And I know that you haven't improved since we began... (Patrick chews on a trumpet as Pascal gives him a weird look) ...but I have a theory. People talk loud when they wanna act smart, right?

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  • Squidward: So, if we play loud, people might think we're good. Everybody ready? And a one, and a two, and a one, two, three, four! (screen cuts to the outside of the music school and a blast of noise ensues, breaking the windows. Cuts back inside the music school, where Squidward's face is deformed beyond recognition, his shirt's been ripped, and his baton breaks) Okay, new theory. Maybe we should play so quietly, no one can hear us.
  • Mr. Potato Head: Well, maybe we wouldn't sound so bad if a certain someone didn't try to play with big, meaty claws!
  • Mr. Krabs: What did you say, spud head?!
  • Mr. Potato Head: (shouts loudy) Big... meaty... claws!
  • Mr. Krabs: Well, these claws ain't for just attractin' mates!
  • Mr. Potato Head: Bring it on, crab cakes! Bring it on!
  • TBA: (tries intervening)

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  • TBA: Oh, so now the Pokemon trainer who lost six leagues in a row is gonna preach to us.

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  • TBA: That's it I've had it, I'm leaving.
  • TBA: Yeah well not before me you ain't.
  • TBA:
  • TBA: Oh, that's it, you're dead, pal!
  • TBA: Hey now, that's uncalled for.
  • TBA: Shut your trap, TBA!

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  • Squidward: Wait, wait. I know tensions are high...

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  • Squidward: Well, you did it. You took my one chance in happiness... and crushed it! Crushed it into little, tiny, bite-size pieces. I really had expected better of you people. I guess I'm a loser for that, too. Don't bother showing up tomorrow. I'll just tell them you all died in a marching accident. So, thanks. (sobbing) Thanks for nothing!

(Squidward leaves)

  • Patrick Star: You’re welcome.
  • Winnie the Pooh: What kind of monsters are we? Poor Squidward came to us in his hour of need, and we failed him.

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  • SpongeBob: Now let's make Squidward proud. A 1, a 2, a skiddly diddly doo.

(The scene cuts to the Bubble Bowl)

  • Squidward: I knew this was gonna happen. They're just gonna have to find another band to play. I just hope that... (zooms out to reveal Squilliam is there) ...Squilliam doesn't find out! Squilliam! (screams) What are you doing here?!
  • Squilliam: (laughs) I just wanna watch you blow it. So, where's your band?
  • Squidward: Uh, they couldn't come. They... died.
  • Squilliam: Then who's that? (points to Pooh and the rest of the band)
  • Squidward: (screams and his eyes pop out) That would be my band!

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(Squilliam laughs while they all go into the Bubble Bowl)

  • Squidward: (everybody marches to the Bubble Bowl) I guess this will be the last time I can show my face in this town.
  • TBA: Oh come on think positive Squidward

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  • Squidward:
  • TBA: You're welcome
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