Editing Winnie the Pooh Gets Home Alone/Transcript (section)

== Opening/Preparing for Christmas vacation ==
(The scene cuts to outside the McCallister house where we hear an overlapping chatter) 

Woman: Where's my suitcase?

Girls: Downstairs!

Woman: Who stole the hair dryer?

(Inside, Harry is Dressed in a police officer's uniform as the McCallister family is quickly entering and exiting)

Harry: Miss? Young lady. Excuse me. Girls-- Hey, hey, little fella. Hey. Excuse me, girls. Girls-- Hey. Hey-- Hey, big fella! Ma'am. Excuse me.

Aunt Leslie: Help me make the beds in the living room. 

Harry: Ma'am. Excuse me.

Aunt Leslie: Come on down here!

Harry: Hi. Hey, son. Son! Big fella. Hey. Hey, hey, hey. Little guy. Little guy--

(Upstairs)

Kate McCallister: Pete's brother and his family are here. Oh, it's crazy. 

Woman: (on phone) You know, Trish is going to Montreal. 

Kate McCallister: Montreal? Oh, that's right. Her family's there. 

Woman: (on phone) And then we're off. 

Kate McCallister: When do you leave? 

Woman: (on phone) Oh, tomorrow. 

Kate McCallister: You're not ready, are you?

Woman: (on phone) Of course I'm...

(Kevin comes in)

Kevin McCallister: Mom, Uncle Frank won't let me watch the movie, but the big kids can. Why can't I?

Kate McCallister: Kevin, I'm on the phone. (back on the phone) When do you come back? Not till then?

Kevin McCallister: It's not even rated "R". He's just being a jerk.

Kate McCallister: (sighs) Kevin, if Uncle Frank says no... then it must be really bad. (back on the phone) No, we're not bringing the dog. We're putting it in the kennel for the-- 

(Kevin gets on the bed and starts reading a magazine) 

Kate McCallister: Hey, hey, hey, get off. Kevin, out of the room.

Kevin McCallister: Hang up the phone and make me, why don't you?

Kate McCallister: This kid...

Peter McCallister: Hey, did you by any chance pick up a voltage adapter thing?

Kate McCallister: No, I didn't have time to do that.

Kevin McCallister: Well, how am I supposed to shave in France?

Kate McCallister: Grow a goatee.

Kevin McCallister: Dad, nobody will let me do anything.

Peter McCallister: You don't have anything to do? I've got something for you to do. You can pick up those Micro Machines that are all over in there. Aunt Leslie stepped on one and almost broke her neck.

Kate McCallister: He was in the garage again playing with the glue gun.

(Kevin gives a slashing motion across his throat)

Peter McCallister: Didn't we talk about that?

Kevin McCallister: Did I burn down the joint? I don't think so. I was making ornaments out of fishhooks.

Peter McCallister: My new fishhooks?

Kevin McCallister: I can't make them out of old ones, with dry worm guts stuck on 'em.

Kate McCallister: Peter.

Peter McCallister: Come on, Kevin. Out.

(Peter picks up Kevin as Leslie enters)

Aunt Leslie: Peter, Kate, do you guys have a voltage adapter?

Peter McCallister: Here! Here's a voltage adapter. (gives Kevin to Leslie)

Aunt Leslie: Oh, Kevin. You're getting heavy. (drops Kevin) Go pack your suitcase.

Kevin McCallister: (shocked) Pack my suitcase?

(Downstairs) 

Tracy McCallister: Do you know where the shampoo is, Fuller?

Fuller McCallister: I don't live here.

Tracy McCallister: I don't believe in this house with this many people, there's no shampoo?

Harry: Pardon me, are your parents home?

Tracy McCallister: Yeah, but they don't live here. 

(She walks up the stairs while Heather walks down) 

Heather McCallister: Tracy, did you order the pizza?

Tracy McCallister: Buzz did.

Harry: Excuse me, miss. Are your parents here?

Heather McCallister: My parents live in Paris. Sorry.

(Heather enters the living room as Sondra exits)

Harry: Hi!

Sondra McCallister: Hi!

Harry: Are your parents home?

Sondra McCallister: Yeah.

Harry: Do they live here?

Sondra McCallister: No. (walks off)

Harry: No. Why should they? All kids, no parents. Probably a fancy orphanage.

(Upstairs)

Kevin McCallister: I don't know how to pack a suitcase. I've never done this once in my whole life.

Jeff McCallister: Tough.

Kevin McCallister: That's what Megan said.

Megan McCallister: What did I say?

Jeff McCallister: You told Kevin, "Tough."

Megan McCallister: The dope was whining about a suitcase. What am I supposed to do? Shake his hand and say, "Congratulations, you're an idiot"?

Kevin McCallister: I'm not an idiot!

Megan McCallister: Oh, really? You're completely helpless! Everyone has to do everything for you.

Jeff McCallister: She's right, Kev.

Kevin McCallister: Excuse me, puke-breath. I'm a lot smaller than you. I don't know how to pack a suitcase.

Linnie McCallister: Hey, I hope you didn't just pack junk, Jeff.

Jeff McCallister: Shut up, Linnie.

Kevin McCallister: Do you know what I should pack?

Jeff McCallister: Buzz told you, cheek-face. Toilet paper and water.

Linnie McCallister: Listen, Kev, what are you so worried about? You know Mom's gonna pack your stuff, anyway. You're what the French call ''les incompetents''.

Kevin McCallister: What?

(Jeff is at the top of the stairs)

Jeff McCallister: Bombs away! 

(He throws at bag that lands right at Harry's feet)

Linnie McCallister: P.S. You have to sleep on the hide-a-bed with Fuller. If he has something to drink, he's gonna wet the bed.

(She leaves leaving Kevin outraged)

Kevin McCallister: This house is so full of people, it makes me sick! When I grow up and get married, I'm livin' alone! Did you hear me? (jumps up and down) I'm livin' alone! I'm livin' alone!

(We cut to Rod and Buzz in Buzz's room. Rod taps on Buzz's tarantula's cage)

Rod McCallister: Who's gonna feed your spider while we're gone?

Buzz McCallister: He just ate a load of mice guts. He should be good for a couple weeks. Is it true French babes don't shave their pits?

Rod McCallister: Some don't.

Buzz McCallister: But they got private beaches.

Rod McCallister: Not in the winter. 

(Buzz tests his cassette player as Kevin enters)

Kevin McCallister: Buzz?

Buzz McCallister: Don't you know how to knock, phlegm-wad?

Kevin McCallister: Can I sleep in your room? I don't want to sleep in the hide-a-bed with Fuller. If he has something to drink, he'll wet the bed.

Buzz McCallister: I wouldn't let you sleep in my room if you were growing on my butt. 

(Kevin looks wide-eyed and then we hear metal scraping)

Buzz McAllister: (looks out the window) Check it out. Old Man Marley.

(Rod, Kevin, and Buzz watch Old Man Marley outside Buzz's window)

Rod McCallister: Who is he?

Buzz McCallister: You ever heard of the South Bend Shovel Slayer?

Rod McCallister: No.

Buzz McCallister: That's him. Back in '58, he murdered his whole family and half the people on his block... with a snow shovel. Been hiding out in this neighborhood ever since.

Rod McCallister: Well, if he's the Shovel Slayer, how come the cops don't arrest him?

Buzz McCallister: Not enough evidence to convict. They never found the bodies. But everyone around here knows he did it. Now it'll just be a matter of time before he does it again.

Rod McCallister: What's he doin' now?

Buzz McCallister: He walks up and down the streets every night salting the sidewalks.

Rod McCallister: Maybe he's just trying to be nice.

Buzz McCallister: No way. See that garbage can full of salt? That's where he keeps his victims. The salt turns the bodies... into mummies.

Rod McCallister: Wow.

Kevin McCallister: Mummies.

(Old Man Marley looks up)

Kevin McCallister: Yeow!

Buzz McCallister: Look out!

(Buzz closes the drapes as Old Man Marley stares)