Editing Tino's Adventures of Aladdin (Remake Version)/Transcript (section)

==='''''Meeting the Genie/"Friend Like Me"/Shadow Man‘s idea'''''===
(Cut to int. of cave. Tino and the others woke up from their unconsciousness)

* '''Tish Katsufrakis:''' Is it Monday yet?
* '''Tino Tonitini:''' Is everyone alright?
* '''Lor McQuarrie:''' Where’s Sneech?
* '''Sneech:''' Over here!
* '''Sue:''' Oh, Sneech, are you alright?
* '''Sneech:''' I have a boulder on my back! Does it look like I’m alright?!
* '''Atsuko Kagari:''' He's here. I'm here. We're all here. Who are we forgetting?
* '''Abu:''' Hello.
* '''Carver Descartes:''' Abu's here. But where's Aladdin?
* '''Tino Tonitini:''' Guys, look!

(Tino and friends see Aladdin unconscious on the carpet. Abu tries to wake him.)

* '''Abu''': Oh, oh. Aladdin? Wake up. Aladdin.

(Carpet rises up, lifting Aladdin up. He awakes slowly.)

* '''Aladdin''': Oh, my head.
* '''Sue:''' Oh, Aladdin, are you alright?
* '''Aladdin''': I'm okay.
* '''Doraemon:''' Uh, I think we got bigger problems of it worst, but the entrance is blocked!
* '''Sue:''' Guys, Doraemon's right. Look!

(They look at the entrance sealed in.)

* '''Aladdin''': We’re trapped. (Angry, shaking his fists at the entrance) That two faced son-of-a-jackal! (Calmer) Whoever he was, he’s long gone with that lamp.
* '''Abu''': Aha!

(Abu pulls out the magic lamp.)

* '''Aladdin''': Why, you hairy little thief.
* '''Atsuko Kagari:''' You got the lamp back!
* '''Big G:''' Never thought I’d seen that.
* '''Carver Descartes:''' Oh great, we got the lamp but we’re trapped here in this cave.
* '''Noby:''' And with no way out of here.
* '''Doraemon:''' But at least we got it back from him. And that's a good thing.
* '''Tish Katsufrakis:''' Yeah Doraemon, but still why's that old man's interesting of that lamp?
* '''Lor McQuarrie:''' I don’t know Tish, but I want to find out.
* '''Sneech:''' Me too!
* '''Aladdin''': But guys, it looks like such a beat-up, worthless piece of junk. Hey, I think there’s something written here, but it’s hard to make out.

(He rubs the lamp. Suddenly smoke comes out of the hole, the lamp begins to shake and glow, but Aladdin holds onto the lamp, and our wonderful friend, the Genie comes out.)

* '''Genie''': Aaaaahhhhh! OY! Ten-thousand years will give ya such a crick in the neck! Hang on a second! (''He hangs Aladdin on a nearby rock. Then he pulls his head off and spins it around, yelling as he does so. Carpet pulls Aladdin down.'') Whaaa… wow! Does it feel good to be outta there. (''Genie uses the lamp end of himself as a microphone.'') I’m telling you. Nice to be back, ladies and gentlemen. Hi, where ya from? (''Sticks the mic in Aladdin’s face.'') What’s your name?
* '''Aladdin''': Uh, Al--uh--Aladdin.
* '''Genie''': (Says his name as if he’s discovered something major) Aladdin! (A neon sign lights up with Aladdin’s name on it, circled by chase lights. The sign changes to reflect the Genie’s upcoming line.) Hello, Aladdin. Nice to have you on the show. Can we call you ‘Al?’ Or maybe just ‘Din?’ Or how bout ‘Laddi?’ (Genie disappears, then a dog wrapped in plaid jumps in.) Sounds like ‘Here, boy! C’mon, Laddi!’
*-???????.
* '''Aladdin''': (Shaking his head) I must have hit my head harder than I thought.
* '''Genie''': (Still a dog) Do you smoke? Mind if I do? (Dog poofs into smoke, then back to the Genie. Abu screeches wildly.) Oh, sorry Cheetah--hope I didn’t singe the fur! Yo, Rugman! Haven’t seen you in a few millennia! Slap me some tassel! Yo! Yeah! (CARPET flies over and high fives the Genie. Genie looks at Aladdin.) Say, you’re a lot smaller than my last master. (Lifts his beer-gut.) Either that or I’m gettin’ bigger. Look at me from the side--do I look different to you?
*'''Tish Katsufrakis''': No, not at all. 
* '''Aladdin:''' Wait! Wait… a minute. I’m your master?
*'''Genie:''' (Slaps a diploma in Aladdin’s hand and a mortarboard on his head.) That’s right! He can be taught!! (Looks at Tino and his friends.) Say, your friends here look kinda oddly dressed wouldn't you say.
*'''Doraemon:''' We're from the modern era, mister. We used a time machine to get here.
*'''Carver Descartes:''' And a witch's broomstick ride that a certain someone couldn't get it to fly. All the way to Agrabah.
*'''Atsuko Kagari:''' Hey!
*'''Lor McQuarrie:''' It's the hard truth, Akko. Live with it.
*'''Genie:''' And what are you supposed to be? 
*'''Tino Tonitini:''' Well for starters, these are my friends. Lor, Carver, Tish, Noby, Sue, Big G, Sneech, Doraemon . And for me, I'm Tino Tonitini, but you may call me Tino for short.
*'''Genie:''' A Tino? Named Tonitini? (laughs) Oh, that's priceless! Sorry, I just didn't realize you all standing here.
*'''Atsuko Kagari:''' And my name's Atsuko Kagari, but you may call me Akko for short. It's a pleasure.
*'''Genie:''' Akko, uh? Uhm, interesting. But where you all from?
*'''Lor McQuarrie''': Well, I'm glad you asked, Big Blue. We're from another town called Bahai Bay, which is our home.
*'''Sue''': You see, we've been invited to Agrabah by the Sultan.
*'''Tish Katsufrakis''': As his honored guests. 
*'''Atsuko Kagari''': Since you came out of that lamp, are you by any chance...
*'''Genie:''' That's right, my witch friend. I am, (as Arnold Schwarzenegger) the ever impressive, (inside a cube) the long contained, (as a ventriloquist with a dummy) often imitated, (tosses the dummy aside) but never duplicated-- (He multiplies into multiple Genies who surround him.) DUP.
*'''Genies:''' Duplicated, duplicated, duplicated, duplicated, duplicated, duplicated, duplicated, duplicated, duplicated.
*'''Genie:''' (Says it like a ring announcer at a boxing match.) Genie Of The Lamp! (Goes into Ed Sullivan) Right here direct from the lamp, right here for your enjoyment wish fulfillment. Thank youuuuu!
*'''Aladdin:''' Whoa! Wish fulfillment?
* '''Genie''': Three wishes to be exact. And ix-nay on the wishing for more wishes. (Turns into a slot machine, arm pulls down and three Genies appear in the windows.) That’s it--three. (Three Genie caballeros come out of the slot.) Uno, dos, tres. (Changes into b/w Groucho Marx.) No substitutions, exchanges or refunds. (The duck drops with the secret word "Refunds.’
*'''Sneech:''' Why are there only three, anyway?
*'''Genie''': I don't know! Who cares? You don't know.
* '''Aladdin''': (To Abu) Now I know I’m dreaming.
* '''Genie''': Master, I don't think you quite realize what you've got here. So why don't you just ruminate, whilst I illuminate the possibilities!
:'''[Genie]'''
::''Well Ali Baba had them forty thieves''
::''Scheherazadie had a thousand tales''
::''But master you in luck ‘cause up your sleeve''
::''You got a brand of magic never fails!''

''(Genie produces 40 thieves who surround Aladdin with swords. Genie appears in his vest, then sticks his arms out and boxes the thieves into submission.)''

:'''[Genie]'''
::''You got some power in your corner now''
::''Some heavy ammunition in your camp''
::''You got some punch, pizzazz, yahoo and how''
::''See all you gotta do is rub that lamp''
::''And I’ll say''

''(Boxing ring appears, Aladdin in the corner, being massaged by Genie. Then Genie turns into a pile of fireworks and explodes and fire at one of our heroes. Then Genie appears inside lamp and grabs Aladdin’s hand and rubs lamp with it.)''

:'''[Genie]'''
::''Mister Aladdin, sir''
::''What will your pleasure be?''
::''Let me take your order, jot it down''
::''You ain’t never had a friend like me''
::''No no no!''

''(Genie produces a table and chairs, then writes down things on a note pad, like a waiter. )''

:'''[Genie]'''
::''Life is your restaurant And I’m your maitre’ d!''
::''C’mon whisper what it is you want''
::''You ain’t never had a friend like me.''

''(GenieS appears as a plate of chicken, then returns to normal, but enlarges his ear to listen to Aladdin. Finally, he explodes into four duplicate GenieS.)''

:'''[Genie]'''
::''Yes sir, we pride ourselves on service''
::''You’re the boss, the king, the shah!''
::''Say what you wish, it’s yours!''
::''True dish How about a little more Baklava?''

''(The GenieS give him a shave, haircut and manicure, then Aladdin appears in a comfy chair (eh?) surrounded by the treasure and being fanned by women. The Genie appears and fills the screen with baklava.)''

:'''[Genie]'''
::''Try some of column ‘A’''
::''Try all of column ‘B’''
::''I’m in the mood to help you dude''
::''You ain’t never had a friend like me''

''(Aladdin rises up on a column of food with a giant A on top, then jumps to another column with a B on top. He falls off and is caught by a cushion held by Genie. He opens his mouth, and his tongue turns into a staircase. A miniature Genie dressed like a magician comes out. The mini Genie does a little dance with the Genie’s two giant hands. At the end, they surround the mini Genie and squish him into nothing.)''

:'''[Genie]'''
::''Can your friends do this?''
::''Do your friends do that?''
::''Do your friends pull this out their little hat''
::''Can your friends go poof!''
::''Well looky here''
::''Can your friends go Abracadabra, let ‘er rip''
::''And then make the sucker disappear?''

''(The Genie pulls off his head, duplicates it, then juggles them. He tosses them to Aladdin, who juggles with one hand and spins one of the heads on his fingertip like a basketball. He tosses the heads back onto the Genie, who proceeds to try and pull himself out of a hat at his base. He spirals around and around until he turns into a white rabbit. The rabbit transforms into a purple dragon (very reminiscent of Figment from EPCOT Center). The dragon breathes fire, which turns into three HAREM GIRLS, who dance around Aladdin. Just as he begins to enjoy them, they disappear.)''

:'''[Genie]'''
::''So don’t you sit there slack jawed, buggy eyed''
::''I’m here to answer all your midday prayers''
::''You got me bona fide, certified''
::''You got a Genie for a charge? d’affairs!''
::''I got a powerful urge to help you out''
::''So what you wish I really want to know''
::''You got a wish that’s three miles long, no doubt''
::''So all you gotta do is rub like so, and oh!''

''(Genie imitates what he is calling Aladdin, then turns into a certificate which rolls up and surrounds Aladdin. Genie pulls a list {written in Arabic} out of Aladdin’s ear, which he uses to rub his behind like drying off after a shower.)''

:'''[Genie]'''
::''Mister Aladdin, sir, have a wish or two or three''
::''I’m on the job, you big nabob''
::''You ain’t never had a friend, never had a friend''
::''You ain’t never had a friend, never had a friend''
::''You ain’t never…had a… friend… like…me!''
::''You ain’t never had a friend like me!''

''(The dancing HAREM GIRLS reappear, and Aladdin leans in to kiss one. She turns into the Genie, who zaps four dancing elephants into existence. To the other direction, he zaps in four dancing camels, and a grand finale dancing number ensues, as well our Heroes dancing along as well. Abu grabs as much gold as he can, but the Genie wraps everything up in a cyclone and zaps it away until they’re all back in the cave. Genie has a neon "APPLAUSE" sign on his back. Abu turns his hat over and sees that is is empty.)''
*'''Tish Katsufrakis:''' Oncore! Oncore!
*'''Tino Tonitini:''' That song was fantastic!
*'''Lor McQuarrie:''' Dude! That was a great show!
*'''Abu:''' [chattering] Huh? [groans]
* '''Genie''': So what’ll it be, master?
* '''Aladdin''': You’re gonna grant me any three wishes I want, right?
* '''Genie''': (As William F. Buckley) Ah, almost. There are a few provisos, a couple of quid pro quos.
*'''Lor McQuarrie:''' In English?
*'''Tish Katsufrakis''': He means that there are rules that we should follow.
*'''Noby''': Really? Like what?
* '''Genie''': Ah, rule number one: I can’t kill anybody. (He slices his head off with his finger.) So don’t ask. Rule number two: I can’t make anyone fall in love with anyone else. (Head turns into a big pair of lips which kiss Aladdin.) You little punim, there. (Lies flat, then gets up and transforms into a zombie.) Rule number three: I can’t bring people back from the dead. It’s not a pretty picture, (He grabs Aladdin and shakes him) I don’t like doing it! (He poofs back to normal.) Other than that, you got it!
* '''Aladdin''': (''Looks at Abu as if plotting'') Ah, provisos? You mean limitations? On wishes? (''To Abu'') Some all powerful Genie--can’t even bring people back from the dead. 
*'''Carver Descartes:''' You mean-?!
*'''Noby:''' Oh, no. How to get out of this cave? If we are trapped?
* '''Aladdin''': I don’t know, Noby! He probably can’t even get us out of this cave!
*'''Big G:''' And you know what that means?
*'''Atsuko Kagari:''' We're on our own?
*'''Aladdin''': That's right, Akko. Looks like we're gonna have to find a way outta here.
(''They start to leave, but a big blue foot stomps down in front of them.'')

* '''Genie''': (''As Robert De Niro'') Excuse me?! Are you lookin’ at me? Did you rub my lamp? Did you wake me up, did you bring me here? And all of a sudden, you’re walkin’ out on me?! (''Gets madder and madder'') I don’t think so! Not right now. YOU’RE GETTING YOUR WISHES, SO '''''SIDDOWN!!'''''

(They all get on Carpet.)

* '''Atsuko Kagari:''' That’s one angry genie.
* '''Lor McQuarrie:''' Tell me about it.

(Genie takes the form of a stewardess, with lots of arms pointing out the exits.)

* '''Genie:''' In case of emergency, the exits are here, here, here, here, anywhere. Keep your hands and arms inside the carpet. We're... outta here!

(They ride out of the cave. Meanwhile, at the palace throne room, the Sultan talks to Jafar)

* '''Sultan:''' Jafar, this is an outrage. If it weren't for all your years of loyal service... From now on, you are to discuss sentencing of prisoners with me, before they are beheaded.
* '''Jafar:''' I assure you, Your Highness, it won't happen again.
* '''Sultan:''' Jasmine... Jafar. Now, let's put this whole messy business behind us. Please.
* '''Jafar:''' My most abject and humblest apologies to you as well, Princess.
* '''Princess Jasmine:''' At least some good will come of my being forced to marry. When I am a queen, I will have the power to get rid of you.

(Jafar chuckles nervously)

* '''Sultan:''' That's nice. All settled, then. Now, Jasmine, getting back to this suitor business... [notices that Jasmine is walking off] Jasmine? Jasmine! [runs after her]
* '''Jafar:''' [growls] If only I had gotten that lamp!
* '''Dr. Facilier:''' Well that Princess was very grouchy, wasn't she.
* '''Iago:''' [imitates Jasmine] "I will have the power to get rid of you." [growling, returns to his normal voice] To think we gotta keep kissing up to that chump and his chump daughter and keep Shadow Man a secret for the rest of our lives...
* '''Jafar:''' No, Iago. Only until she finds a chump husband. Then she'll have us banished. Or beheaded.
* '''Both:''' Eeek...
* '''Dr. Facilier:''' But wait, I do have an idea Jafar. What if you became the "chump husband" yourself?
* '''Jafar:''' What?
* '''Dr. Facilier:''' Uh, let me put those words in this way, Jafar. Well... What if the Sultan can't find the husband in time for the Princess' birthday, you could be the new husband for Princess Jasmine. [Laughs] Then you'll have the whole tire Agrabah, on the pond of your hands. And then you will be the next, the new Sultan.
* '''Jafar:''' Oh... Marry the shrew... I become the sultan... The idea has merit.
* '''Iago:''' Yes, merit! Yes! And then we drop papa-in-law and the little woman off a cliff. Yaaah! Kersplat!
* '''Jafar:''' [wicked laughter] I love the way your foul little mind works.
(All three laugh)