School of Otis/Transcript

Here's the episode 38th from Season 1 from Winnie the Pooh Goes Back at the Barnyard. Here's a Transcript.

The Beginning

(The scene begins with Peck teaching school)

• Peck: And that's how we factor rate times time equals distance. Any questions
• Macy: Yes. If a cow on a motorcycle flies through the air for 7 seconds at 80mph, how far well he get?
• Peck: Oooh, good question Macy. What made you think of that? (Suddenly Otis coming in on a motorcycle crushes Peck)
• Otis: Hey, kids, what's up? Heh, heh. I guess I miss the landing ramp. Oh well, no harm done. (Hears Peck making a noise) You hear some weird gurgling noise?

(Later that night, Peck is injured)

• Freddy: Live! Live, you magnificent feathered beast! Live!
• -
• -
• -
• Otis: I'm sorry. I was just owning my extreme daredevil techniques.
• Lusn: Well you should call more like extreme "dumb"devil. (Laughs) Get it?
• Pig: Heh. Yeah, that's good Luan. You replace dare with dumb. In grammer, that's the switcheroo. Like dumbell, smartbell. (got punched by Bessie)
• Otis: I'd just can't help but feel indirectly responsible for this tragedy. Can you ever forgive me
• Peck: Otis, if only you use the equation rate times time equals...equals.
• Otis: It's ok. Brainiac. Just rest your tired brain. Hey, let me fluff your pillow to make you more comfortable. (accidentally hurts Peck more) Ok, not fluffing. Not fluffing. I think his pride is hurt more than anything.
• -
• -
• -
• Otis: That is a interring question. (slowly walks away) On one hand, kids needs to learn and children are our future...Well anyway, good luck with that. So long. (Bessie suddenly moves ahead of him) What, me?
• Bessie: The kids need someone smart and reliable. And since we don't have someone like that, you're stuck.
• Otis: I'll check my schedule, but I'm not sure I can...(Bessie about to hurt him) 9 am's open.
• Duke: So, if Otis takes over as teacher, somebody we'll have to replace him as head of the barnyard am I right?
• All: No.
• Peck: What? NO! (faints)
• Duke: I accept your sacred trust.
• Freddy: Look can you all go. I need to prepare the patients maraniade. I mean honey mustard sauce. Oh, just get out

(The next morning)

• Bessie: Kids, I'd liked to introduce your new substitute teacher, Mr. Otis.
• Otis: Hey, thanks Principal Bossy. Oh ho, I mean Bessie. Oh ho, dang. Kidding, you bucket of seriousness. I'm just keeping it real,am I right. kids.
• Bessie: I'm watching you.
• Otis: I am watching you too. Why don't you walk off. For those of you who don't know me, my name is Mr. Otis. (on the chalkboard) That's O, to the T, to another letter, and let's get back to that later. Uh, hey let's get this shindig started, am I right? So, what were you kids learning for Mr. Peck was flattened?
• Joey: Shakespeare's Sonnets.
• Macy: Ancient Egpyt.
• Boil: Elemental Physics.
• Otis: What? You gotta be kidding me. Well no wonder you guys are so--(spazzes) Don't you guys ever have any fun?
• Joey: Mr. Peck says we need to prepare for the real world.
• Otis: No Guys. I'll show you how to prepare for the real world. (throws the books out but it acciendenly hurts Pig)
• Pig: Ow!
• Otis: The School of Otis is now in session. Lesson Number Uno: Decent Authority and Sticking it to the Man. Now let's see I'm gonna need a guess speaker. (grabs Pig) Everyone, please welcome from just outside that window, our special guest, Pig.

The Middle

• Pig: Thank you, Otis. Children, for the next 90 minutes, I'll be telling you all about the exciting world about the barnyard pig. (shot by a spitball) What the--
• Otis: Hey, what are you guys waiting for? Grab a straw and live. Come on
• Boil: But Otis, we'll get in trouble
• Otis: From who, not me. I'm the teacher.
• Pig: As I was saying--(shot again) Being a pig is pretty much, the most important--(shot again) The most important pa--(shot again, then pulls out a pan flute and shield) That's it! You wanna piece of me? Bring it on.
• Otis: Sir, I'm just getting started. (both them began shooting until)
• Bessie: Everything all right in here?

(Otis and Pig quickly puts their away)

• Bessie: Watching. (leaves)
• Otis: Come on get him. I'll keep him occiupied. (the other kids tried shooting but failed
• Pig: (hitted by a straw by Boil) Oh, i'm hit. (falls) Medic.

(Later outside)

• Duke: As you all know, Otis is otherwise engaged. Which means, I'm the intrem barnyard leader
• Pip: Duke, nobody may you temporary barnyard leader.
• Duke: I shall begin my term in office--(Everyone moans) With a serious of trust-building excerises. For the first excerise, I will climb blindfoled to the top of this fence and fall backwards in the arms of you, my loyal subjects. (Everyone leaves as Duke falls on his back) I will now trust you to call an ambulance.

(Back in the barnyard)

• Otis: Now who can tell me the most important part of an animal education?
• Macy: A balance of science and liberal arts?
• Boil: Relentless standardized testing?
• Joey: (singing) Homework. Homework.
• Otis: (buzzer noise) No, I'm sorry. The correct answer was pranking. Pranking, no points that round. Now here's what we're gonna do.

Doorbell rings] [knock on door]

Well, who could that be?

Rave-on calling.

Rave-on?

[High-pitched voice] good afternoon, ma'am.

We are door-to-door cosmetic sales ladies,

Here to offer you...

All: a free makeover!

Oh, well, as you can see from

My fresh, natural appearance,

I'm not much of a makeup user.

You're telling me.

Oh, quiet, mr. Lump!

Still, even the big movie stars need a little pinch of color now and then.

I couldn't agree more.

-Come on in, everyone. -Oh, well.

This is a delightfully average environment you have here.

First, my associates and I will need to assess your skin type.

Ooh, fuzzy.

♪ Oily, oily ♪

[Normal voice] better give her the works. I mean...

[High-pitched voice] better her give her the works, ladies.

[Dramatic music]

♪ ♪

Uh, oh, okay.

Ah, ah, it stings.

-Stunning. -Cool.

-Awesome. -Oh, let me see.

I want to see.

Ahhh!

Ha-ha-ha!

The school of otis rules!

-You rock, otis! Way to go! -Yeah.

Guys?

Where is everybody?

You know, you really should check in with your leader before you take personal time.

Hey, fellas, how long do we have to hide from duke in the silo?

Until peck is all better

And otis can be leader again.

Well, that could take forever.

What do we do in the meantime?

Ooh, hey, let's pretend we're japanese movie monsters

Defending the earth against an alien invasion.

All: okay.

[Roars]

[Ufos whirring]

[Footsteps thudding]

[Roars]

Crash!

[Roars]

Crunch!

Zap!

Boom!

Well, that k*lled a few seconds.

Hey, great job on that makeover prank.

You kids are awesome!

All right, you scholars enjoy recess while I go check on peck.

-Otis is awesome. -I know.

-Who knew school could be so fun? -I didn't.

I wish there was some way to show him how much he's taught us.

You meanbesides packing the rim of the silo with dynamite

And blowing it skyward?

Nah, you're right. That'll do.

Yeah, that's good stuff.

Hey, peck, how ya cock-a-doodle-doing, huh?

-What? -Nothing. Barbecue sauce?

I wanted liniment oil.

Uh, stupid pharmacy.

I'll be right back.

So, otis, how are the kids doing?

Oh, peck, they are the most precious little brainiacs

And so well-behaved.

Kaboom!

Whish! Whoosh!

Otis, look what we did!

Isn't it fantastic? It operates on the principle of jet propulsion.

Kids, don't you know that exploding a silo in the sky--

While hilarious--is one of the most dangerous pranks you could possibly do?

I'm sorry. I'm just so proud of you right now.

[Phone rings]

Hell-otis.

Oh, hey, pip.

Aw, I'm looking at it right now.

Isn't it the best?

Yeah, well, it's not so great from inside the silo!

[All screaming]

Oh, no!

Aw, kids, what did you do?

What? I'm sorry, otis. We're really sorry.

It's okay, kids. It's okay.

You didn't know anyone was inside

Or that the silo's inevitable crash to the ground

Would cause massive internal injuries to those you love, unless...

Maybe I can soften the landing

By getting it to hit the pond.

Kids, get my daredevil suit!

[Dramatic music]

♪ ♪

What was I thinking? It's never gonna work!

What are the odds I'm even gonna hit the silo?

You can do it, mr. Otis!

Yeah, just use "rate times time equals distance."

Macy, otis doesn't do book learnin'.

Yeah, stop boring him.

Oh, my large head.

No, he's right. He's boring me into lifesaving.

If there was ever a time for that kind of brainy-brain word

Jabber clogging my ears, it's now!

Well, if a silo full of barn animals

Flies at miles per hour for . Minutes--

-Snore! Get to it faster. -Okay, okay.

How fast would a cow on a scooter have to fly to intercept it?

Ah, good. Miles per hour,

. Minutes...

[All screaming]

Silo full of animals, cow on a scooter,

-Carry the four... -[All screaming]

Account for wind velocity, factor in the factors, subdivide...

[All screaming] add % gratuity.

Eh, the service wasn't that great.

-Add % gratuity... -[All screaming]

-Make bed, do laundry, buy milk... -Come on, come on, come on.

Okay, okay! Six hundred and thousand,

Three hundred and eleventy squiggle!

Blink! What?

Yeah! How 'bout it?

[Laughs] okay, sure. Good enough, teach.

-I got it right? -No, the correct answer is .

But at least you tried.

Yes, good for me!

Go! Let's like this candle!

[Engine revving]

Waa-hoo!

[All screaming]

Thud! [All screaming]

Splash!

So that's where you were hiding, huh?

As your new leader, I am deeply disappointed.

Deeply, deeply,

-Deeply, deeply... -[High-pitched whistling]

Crash!

I resign effective immediately.

-You're a hero, otis! -You did it!

Uh, that was amazing.

No, kids, you see, the real hero here is our educational system,

A system which turns out young, agile minds capable of saving lives.

-Really? -You think?

No! My scooter was the real hero! Did you see that jump?

That was awesome!

That was a mechanical marvel!

Ow, ow, ow, ow, ow!

Ear, ear, ear! Very serious!

Whoosh!

Which brings us to king amenhotep,

The best-dressed of egypt's pharaohs.

Amenhotep ruled in the th dynasty,

-And he was known far and wide... -That's right, brainiac,

Keep talking.

[Inhales deeply]

[Chokes] [gulps]

[Exhales]

Pay attention, albert "einstupid."

You don't graduate until you can write your name.

-[Giggles] -"o."

"T."

Come on, otis! You know this!