Save the Clams/Transcript

Here's the 45th episode from Season 1 of Winnie the Pooh Goes Back at the Barnyard.

Script

The Beginning

(The episode starts with our heroes dining in The Clam Hut)

• Abby: Are you sure this restaurant doesn't served any real clams?
• Otis: I told you, Abby. Everything here is made with shclam; a delicious clam free substitute.
• Winnie the Pooh: I've never heard of this place before.
• -Well, this place just opened last week.
• -Plus, it's have been making a lot of money recently.
• -Who would've thought a clam substitute restaurant would be this popular.
• -Not to mention their catchy title.
• Luan: Yeah, the Clam Hut. Where their motto is: Nobody out-shclams the Hut.
• Lori: Not now Luan.
• Mrs. Beady: (spying from another table) Nathan, I think those are those talking barn animals and crazy children from the farm next door.
• Mr. Beady: Do not talk. Please do not talk.
• ???: Welcome to the Clam Hut.
• Sunset Shimmer: Who said that?
• ???: Down here.

(Everyone looks and see it was a tiny waiter)

• Waiter: May I take your order?
• Abby: Uh, I'll have the clambalaya.
• Waiter: Excellent. Please help yourself to our free salad bar.
• Abby: Free?!?! Whoo-who! (leaves)
• Waiter: Who's next?
• Tigger: I take the spaghetti with shclam-balls, please.
• Cosmo: I'll take the shclam kabobs.
• Lincoln: I'll have the shclam linguine.
• Scruffy: I'll get the shclam crab cakes.
• Pig: And question: With the shclam chops, instead of the baked potato, could I get a huge bucket of swill?

(At the salad bar, Abby is loading up on clams until she hears someone)

• ???: Psst, cow dressed as a lady.
• Abby: What? Who said that? I'm not a cow. Uh, I'm a typical human female. (looks down and sees a clam)
• Clam: Please, I know a fellow animal when I see one. You gotta help me. My life's in terrible danger.
• Abby: But I thought everything here is made out of shclam; a delicious clam substitute.
• Clam: It's a lie. Shclam... is clam.
• Abby: (gasps in horror)
• Otis: Can't stand liver. Won't he ham. Look out stomach. Here comes the sclam.
• CJ: Aw yea-yuh! Sclam get in my stomach!

(Everyone was about to eat until)

• Abby: DON'T EAT THAT!!!
• Everyone: (screams)
• Otis: Why are you yelling?
• Abby: Fellas, do you know why shclam looks and taste like real clam?
• Oits: A miracle of modern chemistry?
• Pip: They zap it with a clam ray?
• Freddy: They make it with love?
• Abby: No, it's because shclam is clam. Look. (show clam)
• Clam: What she said.
• Everyone: (screams)
• Abby: Get up! We're getting out of here! Shclam is clam! Shclam is clam!
• Mrs. Beady: Stop them! They're not what they seem! (picks up Pip and Scruffy) Look at these two. Could a real human ever be this tiny?
• Waiter: My cousin Lupe's half that height.
• Otis: (sprays ketchup in her face) Excuse me. I believe that's mine. (leaves)

(Back at the Barnyard, Archie finishes telling his story)

• Archie: And when I woke up, I was in The Clam Hut, getting ready to be broiled and smothered in tarter sauce.
• Abby: You poor brave mollusk. Your story has touched all our hearts.
• -So heartfelt
• -So supspenseful
• -So tearful
• -And so clamy.
• Otis: It sure was. Well, nice meeting ya. Stay clamy.
• Abby: Otis! Otis, Archie has nowhere to go. Can't he stay here?
• Otis: No way. Remember last month when I let that laughing hyena stay here? It was a disaster.

(Flashback to last month)

• Abby: Bad news, guys. My Aunt Phoebe broke her hip and has to be in traction of a month.
• Hyena: (laughs) I'm sorry. It's not funny. It's--(laughs again)

(Flashback ends)

• Otis: Besides the farmer's coming back tomorrow. How are you going to explain to him a clam on a barnyard?
• Abby: Oh, he'll never notice one little clam. Come on Otis, let him stay. You know it's the right thing to do.
• -Yeah, please.
• -Plus we can easily hide him
• -We can just tell the famer, it's just an part of an antique collection we're doing.
• Winnie the Pooh: Come on Otis, let him stay.

(Everyone else agrees)

• Archie: No, it's all right, guys. I don't want to impose. Thanks anyway, Otis. (slowly hops away)
• Otis: (suddenly looks at Abby's sad face as Everett play violin) Oh, all right fine. He can stay.

(Everyone cheers)

• Archie: Really? Oh, that's great. When's dinner? I'm starving.
• Otis: Well, we usually get fed around--
• Archie: I want a cob salad, no bacon, garlic croutons, and ranch dressing on the side.
• Otis: Yeah, but..
• Archie: Oh, I need to see a complete list of your bottled waters. Asap.
• Abby: I'm on it.
• Archie: Otis, what kind of movie channels you got around here?
• Otis: (grumbles)
• Piglet: Don't worry, Otis. I'm sure things will be better by tomorrow.
• Timmy Turner: Yeah. I mean, how much trouble could one clam cause?

The Middle

(The next morning, Otis wakes up and sees a big line for the shower.)

• Otis: What's going on here?
• Lynn: Somebody is hogging all the hot water for the shower for the last 2 hours.
• Otis: What are talking abo---(looks inside and sees Archie) Naked clam!
• Archie: A little personal space please!
• Peck: 'Scuse, guys. It's time for Archie's loofah scrub. Archie said that clams require constant grooming.
• Freddy: I wanna scrub his top shell.
• Peck: Freddy, he said I could.
• Archie: Fellas, fellas, I got two shells.
• Peck: All right!
• Freddy: Score.
• Otis: (irritated)

(Later that day, Otis is calling for a radio contest)

• Radio: This WKOP, and you're our lucky 100th caller!
• Otis: I am? Really? I never win anything.
• Pig: (takes phone) I'm gonna need this.
• Otis: Pig, don't hang up!

(Pig hangs up)

• Pig: Sorry, Otis, I have to call weather. If the humidity goes below 31, then Archie needs us to mist him down.
• Otis: (grumbling) Mist you down you.

(Later that night, Otis, Pip, and some the gang comes back from Game Night)

• Pip: Whew. 18 hours of poker.
• Timmy Turner: I'm so tired.
• -We would been out sooner if someone did call them out double or nothing.
• -Hey.
• -Look what matter is it's over.
• -And we can finally get some sleep
• -I can really sleep in all day.
• Wanda: Yeah, I could use a long night's rest.
• Otis: I know. (yawns) I'm beat. Can't wait to curl up in my nice soft warm--(Sees tape all over the barn doors) What the cud?!?!
• Rabbit: Lisa, did you make the barn radioactive again?!
• Lisa: Not recently. (smirk look)
• Abby: Oh hey guys. We brought you each a blanket.
• Pip: Huh? Why do we need blankets?
• Peck: Well, we're all sleeping outside tonight. Archie needed the barn to himself.
• Otis: Uh, what?!?!
• Abby: Yeah, he says clam need at least 30 square feet of territory or they go mental.
• Otis: Ok, you know what, that's it! Do you guys see what's happening? Archie is totally taking advantage of you.
• Wanda: We agree with you Otis.
• Pig: Come on guys. He's just trying feel right at home.
• Luna: You call hogging the showers, interrupting our calls, and taking the whole barn for himself is feeling right at home?
• Rabbit: I hate to say this. but that clam as Luan would say is a selfish shellfish!

(Abby, Peck, Freddy and Pig are shocked)

• Abby: Well, I didn't want to believe it, but you all are guilty of anti-clamism.
• Otis: Oh come on.
• Peck: Yeah, you think Archie not as good as you just because he's different.
• Freddy: You need to take a long look at yourselves in the mirror, my friends.
• Otis: How? We can't get anywhere near the bathroom.
• Lola: Because he's always checking for barnacles and cleaning his pearls.

(The others didn't believe them)

• Otis: Oh, all right, all right, fine. He can stay. But when this blows up in your face, please direct your complaints to a Miss Abby the Cow. Right here. This one. All on her. Abby, you know the clam lover. Abby being the one to who I'm referring. Come on guys. Let's go sleep over here next to this pile of sticks. (suddenly the sticks started to howl)
• Scruffy: I think those sticks are Everett.
• Otis: Sorry Everett.

(The next morning)

• Abby: (heads into the barn with breakfast) Rise and shine, Archie. I made you your eggs Florentine. (comes out in shock as the others wakes up)
• Otis: Abby, what's wrong? You alright?
• Abby: Uh guys, could you look inside the barn for a sec?
• Otis: Why? What could you possibly have seen that would make you---(sees) OH SWEET BLEEDING DIRT!!!

(Everyone gasps in horror seeing hundreds of clams)

• Winnie the Pooh: Archie, what is all this?
• Archie: Oh, hey guys. I want you to meet my kids.
• Timmy Turner: Guys, what going on?
• -And why are blocking the door?
• -Yeah, I have some stuff in that I don't want Archie on.
• -Well, we might have a bigger problem
• -How big?
• -Archie....multiplied.
• -You mean he's a dad?!
• -Pretty much to the next generation.
• -Oh it can't be that bad. (looks inside) Oh that is bad.
• Pip: There must be a million clams in there!
• Otis: How is that possible?
• Peck: Well, clams are self-reprodusive. (pulls down chart) You see, the male Atlantic clam can carry a clatch of eggs under his spit valve for 14 weeks at a---
• Otis: Ok, ok. I don't care that much.
• Abby: Otis what are we gonna do?
• Otis: I'll tell you what I'm gonna do. I'm gonna sit back and enjoy the fun.
• Pip: Otis what are you talking about?
• Abby: Yeah, we got a situation here.
• Otis: No, you have a situation. Because for once, something is your fault. (laughs) Oh, it's rich. There was one clam before. And now there's a lot of them. And there's gonna be more. And when the farmer gets back, he's gonna be all--(voicing the Farmer's voice) What are these clams doing here? I'll bet it was that she-cow's fault. Oh, Abby, how will you get out of this one.

(A clam montage plays. And later that night, the clams started to party but everyone else is irritated and plugging their ears)

• Peck: I CAN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE!!!
• Freddy: It's like they're inside my head! (knocks one out)
• Otis: You know, for a bunch of bivalves, they can really keep a beat.
• Pig: Otis, can't you do something?
• Otis: Well I could, but first. Abby, is there anything you like to say to me?
• Abby: Like what?
• Otis: Oh perhaps that divine old chestnut--(voicing Abby) Oh, Otis, none of this would've happen if I listened to you. You're so wise, and big brained and this is all my fault. Ah, hyuck.
• Abby: Keep on dreaming.

(The clams started to get louder)

• All: ABBY!!!!
• Abby: Oh, alright! This is all my fault. I'd should've listened to you. Blah, blah, blah, giant head. You happy now?
• Otis: Wait here.

The Ending

• Otis: (tries to get the clams attention until he whistles) Listen up, everyone who is a clam. This has been weird and all but I'm afraid you gots to go. Stuff pack your stuff and be out my morning. (suddenly the clams sprays Otis out of the barnyard)
• Pip: Otis, what happened?
• Otis: They biled me.
• Peck: Mmm-mmm. Clams can spew bile. (pulls down another charts) As this chart demonstrates, they can add mucus to sea water to convert--
• Otis: Why'd you get these charts?!?! Guys, they can't get away with this. Ready. On 3, 2,1, CHARGE!!! (charges in but biled again) Oh, hey, guys, you know a minute ago when I said charge? I MEANT CHARGE!!!
• Pip: Dude, there's only 6 of us. It's hopeless.
• Pig: What are we gonna do?
• Otis: Don't look at me. Abby got us into this. Make her come up with a plan.
• Abby: Fine I will!
• Otis: Fine, I'm all ears. (Abby still thinking) Ha! See, not so easy as it looks--(got smacked)
• Abby: I got it! Guys, listen up. We're gonna need so foam rubber, some masking tape, a bottle of glue, a toothpick---

(A couple minutes later, the clams are still partying until Otis comes in with a white flag and are about to squirt)

• Otis: Don't squirt! Don't squirt! I came to apologize.
• Archie: It's ok, kids. Let the cow guy talk.

(The clams closes their mouths)

• Otis: Look, I'm sorry for trying to kick you out before. Our barn is your barn. Feel free to stay as long as you like.
• Archie: Well, that's very sporting of you there, Otis. Hey, kids, say thanks to the nice mammal.

(The clams starting saying thanks)

• Otis: Oh, please, no, no, no. In fact, to show how supportive me and my are to the mollusk community, we've decided to offer refuge to your underwater brethern, the giant star fish!
• -(in Jean Claude and Phillipe voice) Hey, Goliath!

(Suddenly a giant starfish burst through the door)

• Archie: Idiot, what have you done! The giant starfish is our only natural enemy! (the starfish sticks out his spinning tounge) Kids, RUN!!!!

(All the clams started away from the starfish like wildfire)

• Pig: Clampede!!!

(All the clams falls in a ditch. And everyone cheers, even Freddy and Peck who was the giant starfish)

• Freddy: Up top!
• Peck: Yeah baby!
• Otis: Well, once again, thanks to my quick thinking and take charge attiude--
• Abby: Otis, this was my plan. You didn't come up with any of it!
• Otis: Oh didn't I?
• All: No!
• Otis: Well okay then.
• -Credit stealer.
• -Abby, I hope you learn your lesson.
• Abby: Sure did. Never let clams in the barnyard unless you have giant starfish costume to scare them off.
• -Close enough.
• -Well, at least it over and we can get back on to our lives.
• Pip: Guys, this isn't over yet. What the heck are we gonna do with a pit full of clams?
• -Maybe we should send them to the ocean.
• -But that'll take hours. And who knows what dangers lurk in the outside.
• -Well we can't take them back to the restaurant
• True. We'll gotta do something with them
• -They need a place where they can roam and be clamy as they need to be.
• -I think I might a better idea.

(Later the next day, everyone was enjoying eating)

• Otis: Good for those clams was good for something after all.
• Abby: This stuff is delicious.

(Everyone agrees)

• Pig: Oh, it was nice of those clams to share their recipe for corn chowder with them.
• Peck: I wonder how they're liking their new home.

(At the Beady's)

• Mrs. Beady: Nathan, I'm gonna to take my bath now. (opens the door and shrieks cause of all the clams)

THE END!