Editing Pooh's Adventures of Aladdin/Transcript (section)

==Meeting the Genie/"Friend Like Me"/Iago‘s idea==
(Cut to int. of the cave. Pooh and the others woke up from their unconsciousness.)

* '''Tigger:''' Whew, that was some fall.
* '''Piglet:''' Oh my, where are we now?
* '''Winnie the Pooh:''' Don't worry, Piglet, we are still in the Cave of Wonders.
* '''Eeyore:''' But now everything's all gone. Just an empty cave.
* '''Rabbit:''' Is everyone alright? Tigger's here. Eeyore's here. Piglet's here. Pooh's here. I'm here. Hmm...who am I forgetting?
* '''Abu:''' Hello.
* '''Piglet:''' Abu's here. But where's Aladdin?
* Winnie the Pooh: Look!

(Pooh and Pals see Aladdin lying unconscious on the CARPET. Abu tries to wake him.)

* '''Abu:''' Oh, oh. Aladdin? Wake up. Aladdin.
* '''Winnie the Pooh:''' Oh, Aladdin. Speak to us!
* '''Piglet:''' Oh, he got hurt really bad.
* '''Tigger:''' Alright, stand back. Stand back. Give the kid some air.

(CARPET rises up, lifting Aladdin up. He awakes slowly.)

* '''Aladdin:''' Oh, my head. 
*'''Winnie the Pooh:''' Are you quite alright, Aladdin?
*'''Aladdin:''' I'm fine. And you guys?
*'''Winnie the Pooh:''' We're alright. As well.
*'''Rabbit:''' But not 100 percent. We are stuck down here. Because the entrance is now blocked.
(Rabbit points at the entrance sealed in when everyone sees it.) 

* '''Aladdin:''' We’re trapped. (Angry, shaking his fists at the entrance) That two-faced son-of-a-jackal!
*'''Tigger:''' Yeah, he was trying to kill you! I guess he couldn't be trusted after all!
*'''Rabbit:''' Well, there is one lesson that we learned tonight. We have to be careful about trusting strangers.
*'''Aladdin:''' (Calmer) Whoever he was, he’s long gone with that lamp.
*'''Eeyore:''' We failed our mission.
*'''Abu:''' Aha!

(Abu pulls out the magic lamp.)

* '''Piglet:''' The lamp!
* '''Rabbit:''' Abu, how did you...
* '''Aladdin:''' Why, you hairy little thief. 
* '''Tigger:''' (laugh) Oh Abu, for a monkey. You sure are sneaky.
* '''Eeyore:''' Now that we have the lamp. What do we do now?
* '''Rabbit:''' Well, first of all. We need to find a way out of this cave.
* '''Winnie the Pooh:''' Excuse me, Carpet. But, would you happen to know a way out of here?

(Carpet points at the lamp on Aladdin's hand.)

* '''Piglet:''' You mean the lamp?
* '''Tigger:''' Say, how good is that going to help us?
*'''Winnie the Pooh:''' You know, for a magic lamp. It looks very much like a teapot.
* '''Aladdin:''' I don't know  Pooh. Looks like such a beat-up, worthless piece of junk. Hey, I think there’s something written here, but it’s hard to make out.

(He rubs the lamp. Suddenly smoke comes out of the hole,)

* '''Tigger:''' Look out! We're under attack!

(the LAMP begins to shake and glow, but Aladdin holds onto the LAMP, and our wonderful friend, the Genie comes out.)

* '''Genie''': Aaaaahhhhh! OY! 
* '''Piglet:''' Oh, m-m-m-m-my!
* '''Genie:''' Ten thousand years will give ya such a crick in the neck! Hang on a second! (''He hangs Aladdin on a nearby rock. Then he pulls his head off and spins it around, yelling as he does so. Carpet, Pooh and the others pull Aladdin down.'') Whaaa… wow! Does it feel good to be outta there? (''Genie uses the lamp end of himself as a microphone.'') I’m telling you. Nice to be back, ladies and gentlemen. Hi, where ya from? (''Sticks the mic in Aladdin’s face.'') What’s your name?
* '''Aladdin:''' Uh, Al--uh--Aladdin.
* '''Genie:''' (Says his name as if he’s discovered something major) Aladdin! (A neon sign lights up with Aladdin’s name on it, circled by chase lights. The sign changes to reflect Genie’s upcoming line.) Hello, Aladdin. Nice to have you on the show. Can we call you ‘Al?’ Or maybe just ‘Din?’ Or how bout ‘Laddi?’ (Genie disappears, then a dog wrapped in plaid jumps in.) Sounds like ‘Here, boy! C’mon, Laddi!’
* '''Tigger:''' He can change into anything, eh? (chuckles) This blue guy is one taco short of the combination play.
* '''Aladdin:''' (Shaking his head) I must have hit my head harder than I thought.
* '''Genie:''' (Still a dog) Do you smoke? Mind if I do? (Dog poofs into smoke, then back to the Genie. Abu screeches wildly. Piglet screams hiding in Pooh's shirt.) Oh, sorry Cheetah--hope I didn’t singe the fur! Yo, Rugman! Haven’t seen you in a few millennia! Slap me some tassel! Yo! Yeah! (CARPET flies over and high-fives the Genie. Genie looks at Aladdin.) Say, you’re a lot smaller than my last master. (Lifts his beer gut.) Either that or I’m gettin’ bigger. Look at me from the side--do I look different to you?
*'''Winnie the Pooh:''' I don't think so.
*'''Aladdin:''' Wait! Wait… a minute. I’m your master? 
*'''Genie:''' (Slaps a diploma in Aladdin’s hand and a mortarboard on his head.) That’s right! He can be taught!! (Looks at Pooh and his friends.) Say, your friends here look like some kind of toy animals here. And you bear. Did I just hear you talk?
*'''Winnie the Pooh:''' Oh yes. we can talk.
*'''Genie:''' And what are you supposed to be?
*'''Winnie the Pooh:''' Well, This is Piglet. And Tigger. And Rabbit. And Eeyore.
*'''Eeyore:''' Thanks for noticing.
*'''Winnie the Pooh:''' And I'm Winnie the Pooh. But you can call me Pooh for short.
*'''Genie:''' A Pooh? Named Winnie? (laughs) Oh, that's priceless! Sorry, I just didn't realize you all standing here. But where you all from?
*'''Tigger:''' Well, I'm glad you asked. Big Blue. We're from another world called the Hundred Acre Wood which is our home.
*'''Rabbit:''' That's right, and we've been send here by Zordon and Mewtwo to find the magic lamp here.
*'''Eeyore:''' To protect it from the forces of evil.
*'''Piglet:''' And what Mewtwo said is true. Are you by any chance...
*'''Genie:''' That's right, my fine pig friend. I am, (as Arnold Schwarzenegger) the ever impressive, (inside a cube) the long contained, (as a ventriloquist with a dummy) often imitated, (tosses the dummy aside) but never duplicated-- (He multiplies into multiple Genies who surround him.) DUP.
*'''Genies:''' Duplicated, duplicated, duplicated, duplicated, duplicated, duplicated, duplicated, duplicated, duplicated. 
*'''Genie:''' (Says it like a ring announcer at a boxing match.) Genie Of The Lamp! (Goes into Ed Sullivan) Right here direct from the lamp, right here for your enjoyment wish fulfillment. Thank youuuuu!
*'''Aladdin:''' Whoa! Wish fulfillment?
*'''Genie:''' Three wishes to be exact. And ix-nay on the wishing for more wishes. (Turns into a slot machine, arm pulls down and three Genies appear in the windows.) That’s it--three. (Three Genie caballeros come out of the slot.) Uno, dos, tres. (Changes into b/w Groucho Marx.) No substitutions, exchanges or refunds. (The duck drops with the secret word "Refunds.’
*'''Piglet:''' Why are there only three, anyway?
*'''Genie''': I don't know! Who cares? You don't know.
*'''Aladdin:''' (To Abu) Now I know I’m dreaming.
*'''Genie''': Master, I don't think you quite realize what you've got here. So why don't you just ruminate, whilst I illuminate the possibilities!

: '''[Genie]'''
:: ''Well Ali Baba had them forty thieves''
:: ''Scheherazadie had a thousand tales''
:: ''But master you in luck ‘cause up your sleeve''
:: ''You got a brand of magic never fails!''

''(Genie produces 40 thieves who surround Aladdin with swords. Genie appears in his vest, then sticks his arms out and boxes the thieves into submission.)''

: '''[Genie]'''
:: ''You got some power in your corner now''
:: ''Some heavy ammunition in your camp''
:: ''You got some punch, pizzazz, yahoo and how''
:: ''See all you gotta do is rub that lamp''
:: ''And I’ll say''

''(Boxing ring appears, Aladdin in the corner, being massaged by Genie. Then Genie turns into a pile of fireworks and explodes and fire at one of our heroes. Then Genie appears inside lamp and grabs Aladdin’s hand and rubs lamp with it.)''

: '''[Genie]'''
:: ''Mister Aladdin sir''
:: ''What will your pleasure be?''
:: ''Let me take your order, jot it down''
:: ''You ain’t never had a friend like me''
:: ''No no no!''

''(Genie produces a table and chairs, then writes down things on a note pad, like a waiter. )''

: '''[Genie]'''
:: ''Life is your restaurant And I’m your maitre’ d!''
:: ''C’mon whisper what it is you want''
:: ''You ain’t never had a friend like me.''

''(Genies appears as a plate of chicken, then returns to normal, but enlarges his ear to listen to Aladdin. Finally, he explodes into four duplicate Genies.)''

: '''[Genie]'''
:: ''Yes sir, we pride ourselves on service''
:: ''You’re the boss, the king, the shah!''
:: ''Say what you wish, it’s yours!''
:: ''True dish How about a little more Baklava?''

''(The Genies give him a shave, haircut and manicure, then Aladdin appears in a comfy chair (eh?) surrounded by the treasure and being fanned by women. The Genie appears and fills the screen with baklava.)''

: '''[Genie]'''
:: ''Try some of column ‘A’''
:: ''Try all of column ‘B’''
:: ''I’m in the mood to help you dude''
:: ''You ain’t never had a friend like me''

''(Aladdin rises up on a column of food with a giant A on top, then jumps to another column with a B on top. He falls off and is caught by a cushion held by Genie. He opens his mouth, and his tongue turns into a staircase. A miniature Genie dressed like a magician comes out. The mini Genie does a little dance with the Genie’s two giant hands. At the end, they surround the mini Genie and squish him into nothing.)''

: '''[Genie]'''
:: ''Can your friends do this?''
:: ''Do your friends do that?''
:: ''Do your friends pull this out their little hat''
:: ''Can your friends go poof!''
:: ''Well looky here''
:: ''Can your friends go Abracadabra, let ‘er rip''
:: ''And then make the sucker disappear?''

''(The Genie pulls off his head, duplicates it, then juggles them. He tosses them to Aladdin, who juggles with one hand and spins one of the heads on his fingertip like a basketball. He tosses the heads back onto the Genie, who proceeds to try and pull himself out of a hat at his base. He spirals around and around until he turns into a white rabbit. The rabbit transforms into a purple dragon (very reminiscent of Figment from EPCOT Center). The dragon breathes fire, which turns into three HAREM GIRLS, who dance around Aladdin. Just as he begins to enjoy them, they disappear.)''

: '''[Genie]'''
:: ''So don’t you sit there slack jawed, buggy eyed''
:: ''I’m here to answer all your midday prayers''
:: ''You got me bona fide, certified''
:: ''You got a Genie for a charg? d’affairs!''
:: ''I got a powerful urge to help you out''
:: ''So what you wish I really want to know''
:: ''You got a wish that’s three miles long, no doubt''
:: ''So all you gotta do is rub like so, and oh!''

''(Genie imitates what he is calling Aladdin, then turns into a certificate which rolls up and surrounds Aladdin. Genie pulls a list {written in Arabic} out of Aladdin’s ear, which he uses to rub his behind like drying off after a shower. Much to Rabbit and Tigger's disgust)''

: '''[Genie]'''
:: ''Mister Aladdin, sir, have a wish or two or three''
:: ''I’m on the job, you big nabob''
:: ''You ain’t never had a friend, never had a friend''
:: ''You ain’t never had a friend, never had a friend''
:: ''You ain’t never…had a… friend… like…me!''
:: ''You ain’t never had a friend like me!''

''(The dancing HAREM GIRLS reappear, and Aladdin leans in to kiss one. She turns into the Genie, who zaps four dancing elephants into existence. To the other direction, he zaps in four dancing camels, and a grand finale dancing number ensues, as well our Heroes dancing along as well. Abu grabs as much gold as he can, but the Genie wraps everything up in a cyclone and zaps it away until they’re all back in the cave. Genie has a neon "APPLAUSE" sign on his back. Abu turns his hat over and sees that is is empty.)''

* '''Rabbit:''' I can't believe how wonderful that song was!
* '''Winnie the Pooh:''' I can't either.
* '''Eeyore:''' Moved me to tears.
* '''Tigger:''' I like this guy already. (chuckles)
* '''Genie:''' So what’ll it be, master?
* '''Aladdin:''' You’re gonna grant me any three wishes I want?
* '''Genie:''' (As William F. Buckley) Ah, almost. There are a few provisos, a couple of quid pro quos
* '''Winnie the Pooh:''' (confused) Wha... ?
* '''Rabbit:''' I think what he's trying to say is there are some rules we need to follow.
* '''Aladdin:''' Like?
* '''Genie:''' Ah, rule number one: I can’t kill anybody. (He slices his head off with his finger.) So don’t ask. Rule number two: I can’t make anyone fall in love with anyone else. (Head turns into a big pair of lips which kiss Aladdin.) You little punim, there. (Lies flat, then gets up and transforms into a zombie.) Rule number three: I can’t bring people back from the dead. It’s not a pretty picture, (He grabs Aladdinand shakes him) I don’t like doing it! (He poofs back to normal.) Other than that, you got it!
* '''Aladdin''': (''Looks at Abu as if plotting'') Ah, provisos? You mean limitations? On wishes? (''To Abu'') Some all powerful Genie--can’t even bring people back from the dead.
* '''Winnie the Pooh:''' Oh, bother. How to get out of this cave? If we are trapped?
* '''Aladdin:''' I don’t know, Pooh! He probably can’t even get us out of this cave! 
* '''Winnie the Pooh:''' Oh, dear. Perhaps he's no help to us. After all.
* '''Tigger:''' I hate to say it. But I guess we were wrong.
* '''Rabbit:''' I guess we have no choice. But to find a way out on our own.

(''They start to leave, but a big blue foot stomps down in front of them.'')

* '''Genie''': (''As Robert De Niro'') Excuse me?! Are you lookin’ at me? Did you rub my lamp? Did you wake me up, did you bring me here? And all of a sudden, you’re walkin’ out on me?! (''Gets madder and madder'') I don’t think so! Not right now. YOU’RE GETTING YOUR WISHES, SO '''''SIDDOWN!!'''''
* '''Tigger:''' YIKES!!!
* '''Piglet:''' I think he's mad.

(''They all get on Carpet. Genie takes the form of a stewardess, with lots of arms pointing out the exits.'') 

* '''Genie:''' In case of emergency, the exits are here, here, here, here, here… anywhere. Keep your hands and arms inside the carpet! WE’RE OUTTA HERE!

(The CARPET and passengers fly out of the sand in the desert and off into the distance. Cut to int. of Sultan’s chamber. Jafar is there with Iago, Jasmine and the Sultan.)

* '''Sultan''': Jafar, this is an outrage. If it weren’t for all your years of loyal service… From now on, you are to discuss sentencing of prisoners with me, ''before'' they are beheaded.
* '''Jafar''': I assure you, your highness, it won’t happen again.
* '''Sultan''': Jasmine, Jafar, now let’s put this whole messy business behind us. Please?
* '''Jafar''': My most abject and humblest apologies to you as well, princess. (''He takes her hand to kiss it, but she yanks it away.'')
* '''Jasmine:''' At least some good will come of my being forced to marry. When I am queen, I will have the power to get rid of you.
* '''Sultan''': That’s nice. All settled, then. Now, Jasmine, getting back to this suitor business… (''he looks and sees Jasmine walking out'') Jasmine? Jasmine! (''He runs after her.'')
* '''Jafar''': (''Scowls in their direction'') If only I had gotten that lamp!
* '''Iago''': (''As Jasmine'') "I will have the power to get rid of you." Dahhh! To think we gotta keep kissing up to that chump and his chump daughter for the rest of our lives.
* '''Jafar''': No, Iago. Only until she finds a chump husband. Then she’ll have us banished. Or beheaded.
* '''Both''': Eww.
* '''Iago''': (''Has an idea'') Oh, wait a minute, wait a minute! Jafar, what if you were the chump husband?
* '''Jafar''': (''He looks at Iago in insult'') What?
* '''Iago''': Okay, okay. You marry the princess, all right? And and, uh, you. Then you become the Sultan!
* '''Jafar''': Marry the shrew. I become Sultan. The idea has merit.
* '''Iago''': Yes, merit. Yes! And then, we drop papa-in-law and the little woman off a cliff. (''Dive bombs into the floor'') "Yah. Ker-splat!"
* '''Jafar''': (''laughs'') I love the way your foul little mind works!
(Both laugh)