Pig Amok/Transcript

Here's the 42nd episode from Season 1 of Winnie the Pooh Goes Back at the Barnyard.

Script

The Beginning

(The episode begins with Bessie eating chocolate)

• Bessie: Mmm, Coconut Creamy Swirls, take me away.
• Pig: Temptress, i can long resist your charms. I must have you. (kisses Bessie)
• Bessie: You realized I have to put hurt on you?

(Sunset Shimmer walks in)

• Sunset Shimmer: Hey, guys.
• Pig: Hold that thought. (runs to Sunset) Temptress, I can long resist your charms. Take me away. (kisses Sunset)
• Sunset Shimmer: Ahh, pig spit!
• Pig: (sees a female goat) Temptress, I can long resist your charms. Come back I must have you.
• Abby: Fellas, does Pig seem to be acting odd to you?
• Baljeet: Pig? Acting odd?
• Ronny Robinson: I think she means odder than usual.
• Winnie the Pooh: He looks fine to me.
• Otis: Yeah, what are you talking about?
• Wanda: He's having a relationship with a butter churn again.
• Pig: Butter churn, I can no longer resist your charms. Hold me.
• Otis: Wanda, what Pig and the butter churn have is beautiful and I won't let you destroy it.
• CJ: Well what do you make of that?

(Pig starts kissing the butter churn)

• Otis: Ok, now it's getting weird.
• Duke: Hey, Pig. You feeling alright?
• Pig: (gets angry) What's that supposed to mean, huh? No one talks to me like that. Oh, it's over, rover! (started chasing Duke)
• Rabbit: What is going on here?
• Duke: He's off his nut.
• Pig: (feeling sad) Oh, Duke, I'm so lonely. (feeling mad and strangles him) Now, I'm angry again! Very very angry!
• Abby: Clear! (sprays Pig with a hose)
• Otis: Pigster, how can I put this delicately? WHAT THE HECK IS WRONG WITH YOU!?!
• Eeyore: You been crazy for the last few days.
• Pig: I'm sorry. I can't talk about it. It's too personal.
• Emma: Yeah, we're all friends here.
• Phineas Flynn: And if they're a problem you have, we'll help you anyway we.
• Abby: They're right, Pig. We promised not to laugh. (whispers to the others) He kissed a butter churn. (giggles)
• Pig: Alright, but prepare yourselves for the shocking truth about the birds, the bees, and the pigs. (changes the channel) (narrates) When pigs reach a certain age, amazing changes begin happening to their young bodies. They gain 57 pounds, grow thick bushy ear hair, and begin to desire piggy companionship. If the pig doesn't get it, he goes cranky, delusional, violent even. Eventually, he'll even explode.

(Back at reality)

• Peck: Wow, that was very educational.
• Rabbit: I agree with Peck.
• Winnie the Pooh: I can't, either.
• Eeyore: Moved me to tears.
• Freddy: I'll say. What else is on? (skims through channels)
• Pig: Give me that! Guys, my special time has come. Tomorrow I must leave this place, return to ancestral mud hole where I was spawned, and take a wife.
• Abby: (gasps) A wife? Oh, that's wonderful.
• -I'll say.
• -Yeah, Pig is actually getting married.
• -Congratulations, Pig
• Pig: Aww thanks this is a big moment for me
• -Not just any big moment.
• -Yeah, it's the greatest moment in every pig's life.
• -True that.
• Otis: Pig we had no idea. We can do whatever you need to help. Do you want us to come with you on your big old epic journey?
• Pig: Well, according to tradition, I am allowed to bring my closest friend.
• Otis: Oh, Pig. I am honored.
• Pig: What do you say, Skunkie? Whose my good Skunkie? Who want's to good on an epic journey? You do.
• Otis: Oh.
• Pig: Ooooh, what the hay. I guess I can bring more than one close friend.
• Otis: Oh, Pig, i'm honored beyond words!
• Pig: Abby, you in?
• Otis: Oh.
• Abby: For a wedding? You bet! Whoo-hoo.
• Pig: Freddy, Peck, Pip?

(All three agrees)

• Freddy: Can I be the ring bearer?
• Pig: How about the rest of you, you in?
• -I don't see why not.
• -Yeah, it could be fun.
• -I'm count me too.
• -I get to be bridsemaid.
• -I call maid of honor.
• -I call best pig's man.
• -They're certainly ready.
• -How bout you Pooh Bear?
• Winnie the Pooh: Well, if it means having some good cake at the end, then I suppose it wouldn't hurt.
• -We're in.
• Pig: That's great! How bout you sheep?
• Otis: Will you just pick me already?!
• Pig: I was getting to you.
• Otis: Really? I hardly know what to say.
• Pig: You know, if it weren't for you guys, I don't think I could make through this stressful time!
• Duke: We're there for you buddy.
• Pig: What's that supposed to mean? Are you trying to tick me off? Let me at him. Let me at him!
• Duke: Keep him away from me. He's out of his mind.
• Cosmo: Yeah, fight the man, Pig. (gets punched) By the man, I meant Wanda. (faints)

The Middle

(At Pig's home)

• Otis: (rings the door bell) Bizzaro doorbell.
• Eeyore: Really weird.
• Pig: Thanks for coming with me guys.
• Rabbit: Anything to help a friend to get ready for a wedding.
• -We'll always be there for you.
• -And nothing will change that.
• Candace Flynn: Let's go, people. We got a wedding to do.
• -Candance, why are you wearing a wedding dress now?
• -Yeah, we haven't even met the relatives yet.
• Candace Flynn: Hey, you can't be too prepared.
• -The place is quiet today.
• -Too quiet.
• Tigger: Say, where is everyone anyway?
• Pig: Oh, they like to keep to themselves. I should warn you I come from an rare exotic race of pigs. Our ways may be a bit strange to you.
• Otis: Please you're a pig. How strange could they possible be?
• Timmy Turner: Don't you just roll in mud all day?

(A gong rings and pigs with ancient robes comes carrying an elderly pig)

• Otis: (whispers) Who's the old guy and why is he on a dessert tray?
• Pig: Otis, that's my great Aunt Gertie. She the matriarch of our ancient clan. And uh by the way, don't mention her mole.

(Everyone sees her mole and is disgusted)

• Gertie: Pig, are our ceremonies for non-pigs?
• Pig: Oh, I can explain, Aunt Gertie. These are my best friends in the entire world.
• Otis: (whispering to the others) I think he means me. I can wait to be introduce.
• Pig: Let me introduce Skunkie.
• Gertie: Skunkie, we bid thee welcome.
• Otis: They'll probably bid me welcome next.
• Pig: And this is Abby, Pip, Freddy, Peck, Pooh and his friends, and of course... hey where's Duke?
• Tigger: He didn't want to be strangled again.
• Otis: (coughs loudly) Hello, I am Otis, sir...mam...enormous mole!
• Pig: Oh, that's Otis. He's nice too.
• -Most of the time.
• -Not right now.
• -So, where's the bride that's going to marry Pig?
• Gertie: What thee are about to see comes down from the beginning. Bring forth the bride! Raika!

(A gong rings scaring Freddy, and a female pig walks outs)

• Pig: Guys, meet Brunhilda. She who is going to be my wife.
• Abby: Oh Pig, she's beautiful.
• Pip: Pig you lucky dog.
• Peck: I'm not going to cry. I'm not going to cry.
• Tigger: Well I'll be.
• Winnie the Pooh: Oh my goodness.
• Wanda: Somebody that beautiful must be sweet and kind.
• Brunhilda: (smacks Pig and Burps) Jerk, bout time you show'd up. Are these your worthless friends? (burps) I want pie!
• Peck: Did I bring my migraine medicine?
• Abby: Is it my imagination or did she seem not very nice?
• -Definitely the second one.
• -I'll say.
• -What kind of wife is that?
• -Must be one of those stubborn pig brides
• -The one who drives their husbands crazy.
• Otis: Maybe they're right, Pig seem to like her.
• Pip: That's because he's all itched up on pig love.
• Scruffy: Yeah, don't you remember the film strip?

(Everyone remembers)

• Brunhilda: Yo, moron, why am I not marry yet? Get, your lazy butt in gear, asap!
• Pig: Yes, my sweaty queen.
• -Wow, love must be really blind on this wedding.
• Otis: Someone should probably say something.
• Winnie the Pooh: I'll try something.
• -That would probably be best.
• -And try not to mention Gertie's mole like Otis did.
• Otis: Hey!
• Winnie the Pooh: Excuse, Miss Gertie, shouldn't Pig marry someone he likes?
• Otis: Pooh's right, we thought Pig would be marrying someone who didn't have spiders in their souls.
• Gertie: There is no mistake. They are betrothed. And once they are wed, they will be together forever. Raika!

(Gong rings again)

• Freddy: I wished he stopped doing that.

(At the ceremony)

• Pig: With this cup, I pledge my trough. (drinks and hands it over to Brunhilda)
• Brunhilda: Gah. You got your germs on it. (splashes the water at Pig) Sheesh, are you an idiot or what!?!
• Gertie: Does thou have the ring?
• Brunhilda: Duh, yeah I got the ring!
• -This is terrible.
• -Yeah, this is suppose to be a happy moment for him and now it come to this.
• -Yeah, married the pig queen of whinning.
• -Hey, Lucy, what do think Pig's life will be like after he marries Brunhilda.
• Lucy: It doesn't look good.
• -That's what we're afraid of.
• Otis: I got to do something. Once he gets that rings on him, he'll be stuck with her for life.
• Timmy Turner: Better make fast. She almost got it on.

(Brunhilda tries to put the ring on until Otis rings the gong)

• Otis: That's it. Time out!
• Gertie: Who dares?
• Otis: I dares. This isn't fair. Pig isn't in his right mind. I'm not gonna let him be with someone who won't make him happy. (hit with a cup) Cup pain!
• Brunhilda: Jerk! I'll destroy you!
• Otis: Ahhhh! Get it off me! Get it off me! Hit it with a pan!
• Gertie: Kali fee! Those who would challenge a marriage must submit to the ultimate trial: a Pig Off.

(Everyone gasps)

• Pip: No, not a Pig Off! What's a Pig Off?
• Gertie: The challenger must vie against the groom. If the cow wins, the marriage will be cancelled.
• Otis: I vie. Big time.
• Abby: Otis, you can't fight Pig. He's your best friend.
• Rabbit: She's right Otis, maybe you should let him married her.
• -And have Miss Short Temper work Pig to the bone. No way.
• -Yeah, that's not gonna happen.
• Otis: Don't worry. In Pig's crazy love set state, I can take him easy.
• Gertie: The first event: The Belly Butt!

(Pig bumps Otis in the mud)

• Timmy Turner: You sure about that, Otis?
• Gertie: Thou has lost the first challenge. Prepare thyself for, The Truffle Hunt. Kali fee!
• Freddy: (laughs manically and kept banging on the gong) Thank you.

(Later in the field)

• Otis: I got this one guys. Pig's is definitely weakening.
• Brunhilda: Hey, porky. You win this, I might kiss you, on our 10th anniversary!
• Rabbit: Alright. Ready. Set. DIG!!!!

(Otis started to use a shovel but Pig dug with his hand so fast, he buried Otis and brought a basket of truffles)

• Brunhilda: Just one basket?!? You worthless pig slime!
• Gertie: Thou has lost the second challenge. On to the eating contest.
• Freddy: (rings the gong) It's starting to grow on me.
• Abby: Otis, this is hopeless. You can't beat Pig in a eating contest.
• -It's scientifically impossible
• -Basically, it can't be done.
• Pip: They're right. Pig once ate a entire outboard motor. No condiments.
• -And then there's all those other times he ate other non-edible stuff.
• Otis: I have to beat him or he'll be miserable for the rest of his life. Now follow me! Um, can someone dig me out?

The Ending

(Pig and Otis sat with big plates of broccoli)

• Otis: Ick, broccoli!?! Why broccoli?
• Gertie: Pigs love broccoli. It is nature's broom.
• -That's one wierd analogy.
• -Well pigs are known to love food like a pig.
• -Let's just hope he's not too hungry.
• Pip: You can do it, Otis. Just close your eyes and pretend it's nachos.
• Otis: Yeah, green disgusting nachos, thanks.

(The contest commences and everyone started cheering)

• Brunhilda: Faster, worthless! I'm warning you!
• Pig: For you my dear. (eats faster)
• Otis: Terrible.
• Peck: Faster, Otis. You're falling behind.
• Otis: Oh, I hate my life.

(A few seconds later)

• Pig: Done!
• Gertie: Open. (looks in his mouth) Thou are victorious!
• -Oh no.
• -After that effort, he still lost
• -We'll it was nice knowing Pig while it last.
• -For at least this episode that is.
• Brunhilda: Ha! You're mine, loser. Bring your snout over here.
• Pig: Yes, my love.
• Otis: Oh, ow, I suddenly don't feel any good.
• Gertie: Impossible! Broccoli is very healthy. It has lots of vitamin K.
• Otis: Well that explains--Vitamin K!?!? I'm allergic to Vitamin K.
• Cosmo: You are?
• Pip: Dude, how allergic?
• Otis: (makes faces) Pretty allergic. (faints)

(Everyone gasps in horror)

• Pig: (snaps out of it and sees Otis dead) Otis, don't do this. This is all my fault. Live, live, darn you. (sobs)
• Abby: Oh no. Poor Otis.
• Pip: It can't end this way.
• Sunset Shimmer: He did it to save you from a terrible mistake.
• Wanda: Even if it means sacrificing himself by food poisoning.
• -And it almost work.
• -And now we're losing two friends.
• -One of food poisoning.
• -The other to a lifetime serving "her".
• Brunhilda: Serves him right. Now you're mine, porkhead, forever! (laughs and Pig carries her) That's right. Carry me across the threshold, then take out the garbage and buff my calluses. (suddenly thrown in the mud) Hey, what's the idea!?!
• Pig: (claps and armpit farts three times) I abjured thee, madame, and sever all bonds between us.
• Brunhilda: You can't do that!
• Pig: Ahh, talk to the hoof.
• Abby: Pig, you're not crazy in love anymore.
• Winnie the Pooh: It's your shock must've nap you out of it.
• Pig: Who cares? It's too late. I let a terrible thing happen.
• Gertie: I grieve for thee, Pig. You may go now. Live long and wallow.
• Pig: I shall do neither, Aunt Gertie. For I have induce broccoli poisoning in my best friend.
• Otis: (wakes up) Best friend! Ha, I knew it! In your faces, jerks!
• Pig: Otis! You're alive!
• Otis: Yes, I am!

(Everyone was relieved and cheered)

• -Thank goodness.
• -We though we lost you forever.
• -We were close to having a wedding and a funeral.
• Pip: You were faking the whole time.
• Otis: Correct! Knowing I was Pig's best friend--uh, way so more than any of you, I cleverly faked my own death, confident the terrible loss and shock would break the hold that she banshee held over him.
• Piglet: Are you ok now?
• Otis: No, no I am not. 3 of my four stomachs are ruined forever. Now, if you'll excuse me, nature's mop and I have a date with the outhouse.
• Brunhilda: Hey, cow. You're looking good.
• Otis: Oh, madam, I...
• Brunhilda: There's going to be a wedding today if's it my last breath. (chases Otis)
• Otis: Help! Help! Mad pig! Mad pig!
• Tigger: Here we go again.
• Freddy: Kali fee! (rings gong)

(A comet passes by)

THE END!