Curses/Transcript

(Opening shot: the city skyline during the day.)

Narrator: The city of Townsville! Where there’s always something cooking.

(Quick pan to the kitchen of the girls’ house. Dirty pots and pans are stacked everywhere, and we can hear other dishes being shuffled o.c. A small TV sits in the foreground, next to the sink with its screen turned away from the camera, and a female voice is heard—the host of a cooking show, sounding a bit like Julia Child.)

Host: All right, it’s almost time to put that turkey in the oven.

(The Professor hustles across the screen—he is the source of the clatter and mess, and he has put on an apron and rolled up his sleeves. A large turkey rests on a platter in his hands. The next several lines overlap.)

Professor: Turkey in the oven.

Host: Next we’ll tackle the vegetable stuffing. Now take your veggies and—

Professor: (hustling across) Right, veggies…Hold on! (More rattling of utensils.)

Host: —julienne them like so. Not very difficult. Now mix them in with the tomato coulis we prepared earlier.

(On the end of this, he crosses the kitchen again, this time with an armload of vegetables in tow. The distinct sound of creaking metal from the oven’s general direction combines with his next words to obscure the start of the host’s next sentence.)

Professor: (now o.c.) We prepared that earlier? (He backs into view.)

Host: —and stuff it into the turkey.

Professor: (puzzled) The turkey? But it’s in the oven already.

Host: See how easy it goes in? Everything should be running just smooth as silk.

(Of course, it is not. There is an o.c. explosion—the oven just gave up the ghost—that obscures her next few words.)

Professor: Oh, dear!

Pooh Bear: (sighs) I can't wait for dinner.

Piglet: Me neither.

Ash Ketchum: I'm hungry.

Pikachu; Pika.

Tigger: Is the food ready yet?

Brock: Not yet, Tigger.

Rabbit: Brock's right, Tigger. You need to be patient.

Misty: You know what, guys? Why don't we hang out with the girls while we're waiting.

Host: Make sure you don’t set that temperature too high, or you’ll be putting out a three-alarm fire. All right, now sit yourself down and enjoy a nice cold beverage—

(During the previous line, the Professor runs o.c. away from the oven, then back toward it with a fire extinguisher. White clouds of carbon dioxide vapor drift back into view as he uses the thing. Cut to outside the kitchen door; smoke billows into the hallway as his panicked shriek rings out. Pan/tilt up to the door of the girls’ bedroom, then cut to inside. Buttercup floats up into view, with a building block in hand aimed for the top of a tower. The heroes go upstairs and knock on the girls' bedroom door.)

Bubbles: Come in.

Pooh Bear: Hello, girls.

Piglet: Do you girls mind if we hang out with you?

Girls: Sure.

Tigger: Oh, boy, thank you.

Buttercup: Is dinner ready yet, guys?

Rabbit: Not yet, Buttercup. Professor working really hard on our dinner.

Buttercup: Hey, somebody go down and see if dinner's ready.

Blossom: I'm busy. You go.

Bubbles: I'm in the zone.

Buttercup: Ha ha. You Lose, Bubbles.

Bubbles: I always lose at this game.

Ms. Keane: Corner!

(Kanga covers Little Roo's ears)

Professor: Oh! It’s the girls! (getting out) Always doing good deeds and being model citizens. Oh, I’m so proud. I am so proud! (Punches start to land o.c.)

Blossom: (from o.c.) Take that, you **HONK** monster!

Buttercup: (from o.c.) Eat my **HONK** fist!

Bubbles: (from o.c.) I’m gonna teach you a **HONK** lesson!

Blossom: (from o.c.) You **HONK** want another **HONK** taste of **HONK** me, **HONK** ?

(Throughout the previous four lines, the Professor’s quiet pride in his girls gives way to shock and utter mortification. Cut to the girls and the monster; it shouts a few more unprintable things at them. The Professor, meanwhile, has got himself back under control, and he is not happy.)

Professor: BLOSSOM!! BUTTERCUP!! BUBBLES!! GET DOWN HERE RIGHT NOW!!

(Back to the girls on the end of this line. They are spoiling for more action, but this summons snaps them out of it.)

Girls: Professor?

Blossom: Could you excuse us for just a second, Mr. Monster, sir?

(A grumbled reply, and they zip down. The creature stomps off to raise more of a ruckus.)

Blossom: What’s going on, Professor?

Buttercup: We’re a little busy.

Professor: I am very angry with all three of you. (A crowd starts to gather behind him.)

Girls: What for?

Professor: That word you’re using is not a good word. It’s naughty. (The girls start to play dumb.)

Blossom: What word?

Bubbles: We used a lot of words today.

Professor: You know—that one you keep using over and over. (tapping his head) Think real hard.

Buttercup: “The”?

Bubbles: “You”?

Blossom: We used both of those a lot.

Professor: No, not those. Those are great. It’s that other one.

Blossom: “Bad”? That’s not good. Is that it?

Professor: (clapping hands to head) No, that new one.

Bubbles: Ohhh! You mean **HONK** ! I learned that from you, Professor. (Cut to the now-angry crowd; she continues o.c.) You’re always teaching us new stuff. (Back to the family.)

Professor: (chuckling nervously, glancing toward crowd) Oh, well, that can’t be right. (hustling girls o.c.) Uh, let’s go over here and figure out where you really learned that word. Must be cable. (poking head into view) We just got cable.

(He approaches the girls, who are now gathered by a stopped car, and forces a cheery tone into his voice—even though he knows exactly what started all the sailor talk.)

Professor: (over shoulder) We’ll get to the bottom of this. (kneeling, sotto voce) Now, girls, I need to explain something to you. I should never have used that word. It’s very bad, and I’m very sorry. It’s not the kind of language you girls should ever use. (loudly, over shoulder) Uh, I don’t know where you heard it, but it’s a naughty, naughty word!

(The crowd is nonplussed; he lowers his voice and turns back to the girls.)

Professor: What that word really means is…

(As he starts to whisper, cupping a hand to his mouth, they float in closer to hear more clearly. After a moment, their eyes go so wide that they look as if they might pop from the sockets.)

Girls: (totally horrified) No! (The Professor stands.)

Bubbles: Oh, no! I’m a potty-mouth! (The monster starts to curse and rampage o.c. again.)

Buttercup: We have some unfinished business, girls! (It is sitting on a building, grumbling and holding out one hand as if to say, “Bring it on, jerks.”)

Blossom: We need to teach that potty-mouth a lesson!

(The girls charge. Parked on the street is a big rig bearing the logo of the Super Sudsy Soap Co. This is hoisted away by Bubbles and Buttercup. Blossom rushes in and lands a blow to the monster’s midsection, causing it to let off a fresh string of foul language. Her sisters stuff the truck into the open mouth, after which it swirls down the spout as the toilet is flushed. Pink suds start to bubble over the sides of the bowl, and the creature—now looking rather ill—lets off a belch.)

Blossom: That should be a lesson to you, Mr. Monster, that certain words are inappropriate.

Bubbles: Especially for nice girls like us.

Blossom: (pointing o.c.) Now, you get a time-out to think about what you’ve done.

(Cut to an unoccupied patch of land at an intersection. Two of its edges face the sidewalks, while the other two are formed by very tall buildings that stand nearby. The monster clumps into view, its back partially turned to the camera, and stands facing this “corner.”)

Blossom: (from o.c.) When you realize your mistake, you can come back and we’ll discuss a proper punishment. (It grumbles halfheartedly over its shoulder. Back to the girls.)

Buttercup: Less talking, more **HONK** thinking!

(The background for the end shot comes up.)

Narrator: And soap once again the day is saved—

(The girls appear: Blossom and Bubbles in their usual poses, Buttercup sulking with a fresh mouthful of soap spilling down her chin.)

Narrator: —thanks to the Potty-Mou—er, I mean the Powerpuff Girls!

[The End]