Cop Cow/Transcript

Here's 41st episode for season 2 from Winnie the Pooh Goes Back at the Barnyard. Here's the Transcript.

The Beginning

• (The scene opens up with Otis bringing in a rusty garbage can)
• Otis: Guys, I found out what's been stinking up the barn for the last 3 weeks.
• Sunset Shimmer: What is it?
• Human Rarity: Looks disgusting.
• Sora: And smells disgusting.
• Scruffy: I've smelled alot of thing but that takes the cake.
• Pip: Is it toxic sludge?
• Peck: Is it Expired fish paste?
• Luan: Lily's smelly diapers?
• (Lily blows a raspberry)
• Freddy: Pig's old gym clothes?
• Otis: Yes. Now, to dispose of this junk in a safe and non-hazardous manner.
• Winnie the Pooh: Does it involve the shooting it somewhere else?
• Otis: Yes it does.
• Abby: I'll get the giant cannon.
• (Peck loaded the garbage into a giant cannon)
• Peck: Lock and loaded.
• Otis: Excellent. (to Freddy) Now, make sure you aim in a precise scientific manner.
• Freddy: Right. (Closes his eyes and spins it)
• (After spinning for awhile, Otis shoots it off)
• Otis: Nice work, everyone. That mess won't be troubling us anymore.
• Human Fluttershy: Um, you might we to look again.
• (The mess landed in the middle of the road, and it made Officer Fred drive into a tree)
• Otis: Oh, that's not good.
• Eeyore: To make a long story short… Uh-oh.
• (Officer Fred comes out, and gets dizzy)
• Officer Fred: Wow, that was a close one. It's all right, mustache. You're safe now. Oh, you're so brave and bushy.
• Spike the Dog: He's alright.
• (Everyone sighs in relief)
• Freddy: Now, let's get rid of this anvil.
• Cosmo: FIRE!!!
• (The anvil lands on Officer Fred's foot, and he screams in pain. As Rainbow Dash gapes at the accident, he turns to the others)
• Human Rainbow Dash: Who shot that anvil?!
• Freddy, Cosmo and Leni: Peck did it!
• Rabbit: (moans)
• (Moments later, the ambulance takes Officer Fred away)
• Lisa: The paramedics says he'll be alright, but it's gonna take a few days to get him back on his feet.
• Winnie the Pooh: Oh bother.
• Abby: Poor Officer Fred.
• Pip: Now who's gonna give out parking tickets?
• Peck: And get cats out of trees?
• Mickey Mouse: Stop criminals from bank robberies?
• Pig: And keep us safe from swamp goblins?
• Otis: Worry not. I have a barely formulated plan that has a slim chance of not failing.

(Later, at mayor's office, the mayor is playing a video game as Otis walks through the door as a man)

• Otis: I am a human man who would like to apply for the police human position.
• Mayor: You got the job.
• Otis: Really? Isn't there some kind of cop test you want me to take?
• Mayor: Good idea. What's a red light mean?
• Otis: Oh, red light. (thinking) Oh wait. Oh, I know this one. Oh, um... fruit merchants crossing.
• Mayor: You got the job.
• Otis: Really? I not even sure that that was--
• Mayor: Too late. You got the job. Get out.
• Otis: Are you positive? 'Cause I--
• Mayor: You got the job
• Otis: I'm actually--
• Mayor: Job.
• Otis: Okay.
• Mayor: Got. Out. Get.
• Otis: I'm actually...
• Mayor: Now.
• Otis: Just a cow. I'm not even a person--
• Mayor: Job, gotten.
• Otis: Your not listening to anything I'm saying, are you?
• Mayor: Out. Get.

(Back at the barnyard, the gang was playing cards until they heard a siren)

• Piglet: What was that?
• Otis: Attention, kids and barnyard animals! This is the fun police. Come out with your party on!

(Everyone came out surprised and amazed when they saw Otis in police uniform)

• Timmy Turner: Dude, you look awesome.
• Mickey Mouse: So amazing.
• Luna: You're rocking the style, dude.
• Goofy: I agree.
• Otis: Yep, I got a badge and pants and everything.

(Everyone heads towards the car to play with the equipment)

• Otis: Guys, Guys, I can't allow non-commissioned civilians to use official city equipment.
• All: Awwww.
• Otis: Which is why I'm going deputized you!. Badges for everyone. (tosses one to everyone)
• Everyone: Yea!!!
• Donald Duck: Sweet, we're police officers.
• Lola: This is perfect practice for hall montering at school. We already locked up Luan for telling bad jokes.
• Luan: Hey! Did you hear the one about the thief who stole a calendar? He got twelve months! Get it?
• Lola: That's five more minutes, dirt bag!
• Otis: Here you go Pig.
• Pig: (denies the badge) No thanks, Otis. Let's just say I'm not cut out for law enforcement.

(Flashback to when Pig was a speed cop)

• Pig: What makes you think you can go 180?
• Man: Uh.. I'm having a baby?
• Pig: A baby? Well why didn't you say so? Go, go!

(Driver takes off)

• Otis: I see. Well, how about we make you official donut getter instead?
• Pig: What does it pay?
• Otis: Zero dollars.
• Pig: Then I'm in.
• Abby: Me and Sunset wanna be dispatchers.
• Pip: Me and Scruffy will head off the cheese crime unit.
• Emma: I call lead cheese.
• Peck: Dibs on meter maid.
• Freddy: Dibs of assistant meter maid.
• Otis: Yes, weird, yes, and stop talking. Ok, let's do police things.

(Everyone drove in the police car)

The Middle

(The following day, downtown)

• Otis: (looking at a man carrying his lunch) Hey guys, look at that suspicious character.
• Lincoln: What's the problem? It's just a guy carrying his lunch.
• Otis: Guy carrying his lunch or cyber terror mastermind taking top-secret defense plan to spy master's drop off point!
• Winnie the Pooh: When you put it that way--
• Pip: Let's take him down.
• Tigger: After that spy!
• Otis: Hold right there.
• Sora: Dog pile!

(They tackle the man)

• Man: Hey, that's my lunch.
• Otis: Ha! A likely story. What's in the bag, Officer Pip?
• Pip: Looks like peanut butter and jelly.
• Lincoln: Oops.
• Tigger: I think we're in big trouble.
• Winnie the Pooh: Oh bother.
• Otis: Ah, Well, perhaps next time get a license before you put--RUN AWAY!

(Elsewhere, Cosmo and Freddy are ticketing a car)

• Cosmo: This is breaking a lot laws.
• Freddy: (writing tickets) Expired tags. Missing hubcap. Excessive tire pressure. Stupid color.
• Wanda: What are you two doing?
• Cosmo: Writing tickets for this illegally parked car.
• Peck: Uh, Cosmo? I think this is our car.
• Freddy: Back talk eh? (Pulls up pepper spray)
• Goofy: Freddy, your holding it--
• Freddy: (sprayed himself) AHHHH!!! Officer down! Officer down!

(Later, in the park)

• Otis: All right, buddy, stop right there.
• Tigger: That's a statue.
• Otis: Right. Carry on, citizen.

(They meet up with the others)

• Freddy: Otis, we're bored.
• Peck: Yeah, there's no crime in this town.
• Timmy Turner: This is even more boring than school or listening to my parents, or both.
• Lincoln: Yeah, I've been listening to the scanner all day and the worst crime I've heard about is someone not picking up their dog poop.
• Lana: Where? I'll pick it up!
• Human Fluttershy: So, what should we do now?
• Otis: Well we could go door to door informing citizen about county water regulations.
• All: Hmmm.
• Pip: Or we could go back to the station and a play Spin the Taser.
• All: (agreeing)

(Back at the station, the gang plays Spin the Taser and it lands on Freddy and Cosmo)

• Freddy: Again? It's our lucky day. (shocked)
• Cosmo: (shocked) Mmmm. Burnt tongue flavor.

• Pig: (comes in) Who wants donuts?

(Everyone comes in for donuts, when a call comes in)

• Abby: Ooo, call.
• Sunset Shimmer: Wonder what's going on?
• Abby: Police Department. Dispatch Officer Abby and Sunset speaking. (Person talking) What's that?
• Sunset Shimmer: Hey guys, a masked bandit just stole all fresh donuts from the donut store!
• Tigger: (mutters gibberish and gasps) WHAT!?!?
• Piglet: WHAT!!?!?
• Pooh: WHAT!?!?!
• Rabbit: WHAT!?!?!?
• Eeyore: HUH!?!??!
• Timmy Turner: What?!?
• Cosmo and Wanda: What?!?
• Lincoln: WHAT?!?!
• Girl Louds: WHAT!?!?!

• Scruffy: What?
• Olive Doyle: What!?!
• Katie Knight: What!?!

• Phineas Flynn: What!?
• Candace Flynn: What?
• Isabella: What?
• Burford: What?
• Baljeet: What?
• Fireside Girls: What?
• Jeremy Johnson: What?
• Human Pinkie Pie: WHAT!!?!?
• Mickey, Donald and Sora: What?!?!
• Goofy: Huh!?!
• Pig: The donut store? I was just there, I could've been killed.
• -Good thing you weren't.
• Otis: A real crime. This is what we been waiting for. Come on, deputies.

(Everyone went out to the donut store to check out the crime)

• Otis: Freddy, Cosmo, anything on the store security camera?
• Cosmo: Nothing.
• Freddy: (stretching the video) Yeah, just a bunch of brown tape.
• Otis: You're an idiot. Pip, any clues?
• Spike the dog: (sniffing) I found something.
• Pip: We got a footprint.
• Peck: And it looks like a size 8.
• Freddy: So we're looking for someone with a foot.
• Otis: Still an idiot. To the Foot Print Database!

(The computer started to scan the footprint)

• Computer: Processing. 3 matches found.
• Otis: And they said this was a waste of $48 million dollars.

(3 familiar pictures showed up)

• Donald Duck: Snotty Boy.
• Human Rarity: Mrs. Beady.
• All: The farmer?!?!
• Otis: No way it's him! This has Snotty's stink all over it.
• Freddy: Here, let me spray some air freshener. (pulls out can)
• Sci-Twi: Wait, that's the---
• Freddy: (sprays himself with pepper spray) I need backup.
• Sci-Twi: Never mind.

(Few minutes later)

• Otis: Okay, guys. Be on the lookout for a 4-foot, redheaded sack of hate.
• Cosmo: Roger.
• Scruffy: No, his name is Otis.
• Freddy: He knows. We were talking to Roger. Roger, could you file this report with the D.A. and tell we're still on for golf tomorrow?
• Roger: 10-4.
• Freddy: Actually, we need it done by 9:00. Now go!
• Roger: (jumps out of the car) I love jumping out of cars.
• Pluto: (starts barking)
• Mickey Mouse: What is it boy?
• Human Applejack: Guys, there's Snotty Boy.
• Pip: And he's got a bag of donuts.
• Katie Knight: After him!
• Otis: Stop in the name of the long udder of the law.

(Snotty skateboards away)

• Lana: He's making a run for it!
• Otis: (sees a boy on a bike) Police. I need to borrow your tricycle. (takes the bike) Let's ride. (takes off)
• Freddy: (licks the boy's ice cream)
• Human Pinkie Pie: Freddy?!!?

(The gang catches up to Snotty)

• Otis: Boys, take him down.

(They tackled Snotty Boy)

• Snotty Boy: Stupid tricycle cops. You have nothing on me.
• Otis: Aha! Donuts.

(A tag falls out)

• Pip: And a receipt for their purchase.
• Otis: What!?! Milk me.
• Snotty Boy: You guys are the worst cops ever. You should be on that show, Real Stories of the Stupidest Cops in the World.
• Narrator: Real Stories of the Stupidest Cops in the World.
• Cop: You're going away for a long time, buddy. (locks himself in a cell while the criminal escapes) Ah, nuts.
• Snotty Boy: Here, have a roundy, stupid cop. (throws donuts)
• Otis: Thanks you for helping us with our training exercise.
• Snotty Boy: Wait, this wasn't--
• Otis: Carry on.

(Back at the police station)

• Pig: Hey guys, got a new batch of donuts for the kitchen!
• Lori: Thanks!
• Pig: Boy those donut people are really nice. They keep--

(A phone goes off)

• Abby: Hold on Pig. Police Department. Dispatch officer Abby and Sunset speaking. (listens) What!?!
• Sunset Shimmer: Calling Otis! The masked bandit just robbed another batch of donuts.
• Human Applejack: That's the second time today.
• Pig: Say what? I just left the place. Boy, my donut angel was really looking out for me. Thank you, Donut angel!
• Angel: No problem, honey. (eats a donut)

(At Mrs. Beady's House)

• : What are we doing here?
• : I thought we're back to the donut store
• Otis: Sunset's call came in two minutes ago. I guessing the other size 8 is already eating the loot.
• Peck: Police! Open up!
• Mrs. Beady: Hello?
• Otis: You're under arrest for grand theft donut.
• Pip: You're going away for a long time.
• Lana: Freddy, cuff her!
• Mrs. Beady: But officers, I've been here all morning.
• Lola: Lana, is this maggot giving you lip?
• Otis: Oh really? Then how you explain that plates of donuts on your table?
• Mrs. Beady: I just made those with my own hands.
• Otis: A likely story. (takes one)
• Mrs.Beady: Oh careful. Those are--
• Otis: (started to burn) AH, SWEET CUD, THAT'S HOT!!! MY FACE FLESH IS MELTING!!!! Well your story checks out. Come on, guys, let's get out of here.
• Mrs. Beady: Wait, where are you going? What about these handcuffs? Hello!?!?

The Ending

(At the Farmer's House)

• Otis: Two suspects down. I hate to say it, guys. But it looks like the farmer is our donut bandit.
• Everyone: (in depression)
• Rabbit: Oh dear. Mercy me
• Piglet: Oh dear. Mercy me too.
• Otis: But at least now we can try out our new battering ram. (pulls up Roger)
• Roger: Let's rock and roll.

(They rammed into the house)

• Otis: Okay, Farmer, come out with your--

(Suddenly the farmer takes off in his truck)

• Pip: He's getting away!
• Peck: Probably to steal more donuts.
• Otis: Not if we get there first.
• Roger: That all you need?

(At the Donut shop)

• Otis: Ok guys, this stakeout should nabbed us our perp. Ready Abby?
• Abby: Ready.
• Otis: Freddy, Peck?
• Both: Ready.
• Otis: Pooh, Tigger, Piglet, Rabbit, Eeyore, Timmy, Cosmo, Wanda, Mickey, Donald Goofy, Applejack, Sci-Twi, Dash, Rarity, Fluttershy, Shimmer, Pinkie?
• Winnie the Pooh: We're ready, Otis.
• Otis: What about the Louds?
• Loud's Sisters: (yelling) WE ARE! (whispers) We are.
• Otis: Okay guys. The Farmer should be here any minute.
• Pip: (outside) Otis, Otis! There's a masked man heading into the store.

(The masked man comes in)

• Abby: Hello ordinary costumer. Welcome to the Donut Store. How may I--TAKE HIM DOWN!!!!
• Rabbit: Take no Prisoners!
• Mickey Mouse: Let's Get him!
• Otis: Police tackle!

(They all jump on the robber)

• Peck: Freeze, dirtbag!
• Freddy: (sprayed himself) AHH, MY EYES!!! (sprays Peck)
• Luna: We got him!
• Otis: (takes off the mask) Aha! Huh?
• Tigger: (mutters gibberish and gasps) WHAT!?!?
•  Piglet: WHAT!!?!?
•  Pooh: WHAT!?!?!
•  Rabbit: WHAT!?!?!?
•  Eeyore: HUH!?!??!
•  Timmy Turner: WHAT?!?!
• Cosmo and Wanda: What?!?!
•  Lincoln: WHAT?!?!
•  Girl Louds: WHAT!?!?!
•  Scruffy: What!?!
• Sunset Shimmer: Wait, what?!?!
•  Human Pinkie Pie: WHAT!!?!?

• Human Rarity: WHAT!?!
• Phineas Flynn: What!?
• Candace Flynn: What?
• Isabella: What?
• Burford: What?
• Baljeet: What?
• Fireside Girls: What?
• Jeremy Johnson: What?
• Olive Doyle: What!?!
• Katie Knight: What!?!

•  Sora, Mickey, and Donald: What?!?!
•  Goofy: Huh!?!
•  Andrea: What?!
•  All: Pig!?!?
•  Otis: Pig, your ruining the whole stakeout!
•  Goofy: I'm think Pig is the thief.
•  Pig: I am not.
•  Otis: Then how do you explain the ski mask and cat burglar outfit?
•  Pig: Oh, I just put this on so no one I'm a pig, and for some reason I keep getting free donuts.
•  -Really, they just give you free donuts?
•  Pig: Yes. I was really nice and very specific.

(Flashback)

• Pig: Give me 3 vanillia sprinkles, a couple of old fashions and 46 jelly fills and make it snappy!
• Worker: Don't hurt me!

(Flashback ends)

• Otis: Gee Pig. Did you ever wonder why the donuts were free?
• Pig: I did not.
• Leni: I did not see that coming.
• Cosmo: Yeah, or did we?
• Wanda: Did we?
• Cosmo: I don't know.

(Officer Fred comes in)

• Officer Fred: Nice work, guys. I'll take it from here.
• All: Officer Fred!?!?
• Officer Fred: Fully recovered and back on duty. So where's the perp?
• Otis: Right, the perp. Yes, well--Look over there! (Fred searches and Otis puts a mask on a plant) Now look over here!
• Officer Fred: I got him! Police Tackle! (beats up plant) You're mine, buddy. Don't make this ugly. Hands where I can see them!
• Otis: I think it's time to leave.
• Pig: Oh, hold on. I still haven't put my order in.
• All: Pig!
• Otis: Come on.

(On Real Stories of the Stupidest Cops in the World)

•  Officer Fred: You're going away for a long time, buddy. (locks himself inside while the plant escapes) Ah, nuts.

THE END!