Editing Ash's Adventures of Hercules/Transcript (section)

== "Zero to Hero"/Hercules' Weakness ==
Calliope: (spoken) From that day forward, our boy Hercules could do no wrong.

He was so hot, steam looked cool. Oh, yeah!

<nowiki>*</nowiki>Begin Song*

Calliope: Bless my soul,

Herc was on a roll

Thalia: Person of the week,

in every greek opinion poll

Terpsichore: What a pro!

Calliope: Herc could stop a show,

Point him at a monster and you're talkin' S.R.O.

All: He was a no one!

A zero, a zero

Now he's a honcho!

He's a hero!

He was a kid with his act down pat!

Zero to hero in no time flat!

Zero to hero!

Just like that!

When he smiled the girls went wild!

With oohs and aahs!

Thalia: And they slapped his face,

On every vase!

Clio: On every "Vahse"!

All: From appearance fees and royalties

Our Herc had cash to burn

Now nouveau riche and famous

He could tell you what's a grecian urn

Say amen, there he goes again

Sweet and undefeated

And an awesome ten for ten

Folks lined up just to watch him flex

Thalia: And this perfect package packed a pair of pretty pecs

All: Hercie, he comes, he sees, he conquers

Honey, the crowds were goin' bonkers

He showed the moxie brains and spunk -- yeah!

From zero to hero

Thalia: A major hunk

All: Zero to hero

Calliope: And who'd have thunk...

Who put the glad in gladiator? Hercules! Who's darin' deeds are great theater? Hercules! Is he bold? No one braver! Is he sweet? Our favorite flavor! Hercules(My man)! Hercules! Hercules! Hercules! (Look at my) Hercules! Hercules! Hercules!

Bless my soul, Herc was on a roll Undefeated Riding high And the nicest guy Not conceited He was a nothing, zero, zero Now he's a honcho, he's our hero! He hit the heights at breakneck speed From zero to hero Herc is a hero Now he's a hero

Calliope: Yes, indeed.

{Hades practices shooting at targets}

Hades: Pull!

Megara: Nice shooting, Rex.

Hades: I can't believe this guy. I throw everything I've got at him. And it doesn't even-- (sees Pain wearing Hercules -trademark- sandals) What are those?

Pain: Um.. I don't know. I thought they looked kinda dashing.

Hades: I've got 24 hours to get rid of this bozo, or the entire scheme I've been setting up for 18 years goes up in smoke and you are wearing his merchandise!!!

[Panic interrupts them by slurping some cola from a Hercules -trademark- plastic cup]

Panic: Thirsty?

[Hades yells, causing a small earthquake]

Megara: Looks like your game's over. Wonderboy is hitting every curve you throw at him.

Hades: Oh yeah.. I wonder if maybe I haven't been  throwing the right curves at him. Meg, my sweet.

Megara: Don't even go there.

Hades: See, he's gotta have a weakness, because everybody's got a weakness I mean for what? Pandora, it was the box thing, for the Trojans, hey, they bet on the wrong horse, okay? We simply need to find out Wonderboy's.

Megara: I've done my part. Get your little imps—

Hades: They couldn't handle him as a baby. I need someone who can... handle him as a man.

Megara: Hey, I've sworn off manhandling.

Hades: Well, you know, that's good because that's what got you into the jam in the first place, isn't it? You sold your soul to me to save your boyfriend's life. And how does this creep thank you? By running off with some babe. He hurt you real bad, didn't he, Meg? Huh?

Megara: Look, I learned my lesson, okay?

Hades: Which is exactly why I got a feelin' you're gonna leap at my new offer. You give me the key to bringing down wonder breath and I give you the thing that you crave most in the entire cosmos (he whispers at her ear), your freedom.

{Temple of Zeus}

Hercules: You should have been there, father! I mangled the minotaur, grappled with the Gorgon, Just like Phil told me, I analyzed the situation, controlled my strength and kicked!  The crowds went wild! Thank you, thank you.

Zeus: Hah! You're doin' great, son. You're doin' your old man proud!

Hercules: I am glad to hear you say that, father. I've been waiting for this day a long time.

Zeus: Hmm.. What day is that, son?

Hercules: The day I rejoin the gods. 

Zeus: You've done wonderfully, you really  have, my boy. You're just not there yet. You haven't proved yourself a true hero.

Hercules: But father, I've beaten every single monster I've come up against. I'm-I'm the most famous person in all of Greece. I'm-I'm an action figure!

Zeus: I'm afraid being famous is not the same as being a true hero.

Hercules: What more can I do?

Zeus: It's something you have to discover for yourself

Hercules: But how can I—

Zeus: Look inside your heart

[Lightning strikes and statue of Zeus becomes inanimate]

Hercules: Father, wait!

{In the city, a carriage passes past rich gates}

Guide: On your left is Hercules' villa. My next stop is the Pecs and Flex gift shop where you can pick up the Great Hero's 30-minute workout scroll "Buns of Bronze"

{inside the villa, Hercules is posing for a picture on a vase, dressed in the skin of the lion Scar from Disney's The Lion King}

Phil: At 1:00 you got a meeting with king Augeas. He's got a problem with his stables. I'd advise you not to wear your new sandals.

Hercules: Phil?

Artist: I told you, don't move!

Phil: D.G.R., the Daughters of the Greek Revolution

Hercules: Phil?

Phil: At 3:00 you gotta get a girdle from some amazons

Hercules (dropping club and shield) Phil, what's the point?

[The artist freaks out by letting out a yell of rage]

Artist: '''YAIEEEEE! THAT'S IT!!'''

Phil: Keep your toga on, pal

[Artist throws the paints on Phil, making him look like a clown and leaves]

Phil: What do you mean, "what's the point ?" You wanna go to Olympus, don't ya?

Hercules: Yeah, but this stuff doesn't seem to be getting me anywhere.

[He throws the skin of Scar to Phil]

Phil (wiping the paint off his face with it): You can't give up now, I'm counting on ya'.

Hercules: I gave this everything I had.

Phil: Listen to me, kid. I seen 'em all. And I am tellin' you - and this  is the honest-to-Zeus truth - you got somethin' I never seen before.

Hercules: Really?

Phil: I can feel it right down to these stubby bow legs of mine. There is nothin' you can't do, kid.

[Door opens and fan girls scream]

Fan girls: It's him!

Phil: Hey, watch it! Watch it! Watch—

Fan girls: I touched his elbow! I got his sweatband!

Hercules: Phil, help!

Phil: Okay, escape plan beta

Hercules: Gotcha.

[Phil blows whistle, fan girls look at him for a moment and Hercules disappears]

Fan girls: Hey! Where is he?

Phil: There he goes! On the verranda!

[Girls run away, Phil too, but when door closes, Megara appears from behind it, she walks and sees Hercules' toes under a curtain]

Megara: Let's see, what could be behind curtain number one?

Hercules: Meg!

Megara: It's all right. The sea of raging hormones has ebbed.

Hercules: Gee, i-i-it's great to see you. I-I-I missed you.

Megara (dropping on a couch): So, this is what heroes do on their days off

Hercules: I am no hero...

Megara: Sure you are. Everybody in Greece thinks  you're the greatest thing since they put the pocket in pita.

Hercules (chuckles):  I know. It's-it's crazy you know, I can't go anywhere without being mobbed, I mean—

Megara: Ah. You sound like you could use a break. Think your nanny goat would go berserk if you played hooky this afternoon?

Hercules: Oh gee. I-I don't know, uh, Phil's got the rest of the day pretty much booked.

Megara: Ah, Phil, Shmill.. Just follow me. Out the window,  round the dumbbells, you lift up the back wall and we're gone.

{evening, outdoors}

Hercules: Wow. What a day. First that restaurant by the bay,

Megara: Mmm..

Hercules: and then that, that play, that, that Oedipus thing. Man! I thought I had problems.

[Both chuckle and such, two little birds sitting near turn into Pain and Panic to speak to Meg]

Panic: Psst! Stop foolin' around!

Pain: Yeah. Get the goods, sister.

[Hercules turns back and they turn into birst and tweet innocently]

Hercules: I didn't know that playing hooky could be so much fun.

Megara: Yeah. Niether did I.

Hercules: Thanks, Meg.

Megara: Oh.. Don't thank me just yet. Oh! (She falls into Hercules' arms)

Hercules: Oops, careful.

Megara: Sorry. Weak ankles.

Hercules: Oh yeah? Well, maybe you better sit down for a while. (He carries her on a bench and they sit down)

Megara: So, uh, do you have any problems with things like.. this? (She stretched her leg and holds her foot right before Hercules' face)

Hercules: Uh.....

Megara: Weak ankles, I mean.

Hercules: Oh. Uh, no. Not really.

Megara (moving closer to him): No weaknesses whatsoever? No trick knee?

Hercules: Uh—

Megara (moving even more close): Ruptured... disks?

Hercules: No. I'm I'm afraid I'm, uh.. fit as a fiddle. (He finally stands up from the bench)

Megara: Wonderboy, you are perfect.

Hercules: Thanks. (He sends a coin jumping on a water in a fountain and it breaks the arms off the statue of Venus) Whoops.

Megara: It looks better that way. No, it really does.

Hercules: You know, when I was a kid I, I would  have given anything to be exactly like everybody else.

Megara: You wanted to be petty and dishonest?

Hercules: Everybody's not like that.

Megara: Yes they are.

Hercules: You're not like that

Megara: How do you know what I'm like?

Hercules: All I know is.. You're the most amazing person with... weak ankles I've ever met. 

[Megara steps back and gets pricked on an arrow of a tiny statue of Amur]  

Hercules: Meg, when I'm with you I-I don't feel so... alone.

Megara: Sometimes it's better to be alone.

Hercules: What do you mean?

Megara: Nobody can hurt you.

Hercules: Meg? I would never ever hurt you.

Megara: And I don't wanna hurt you, so... let's both do ourselves a favor and.. stop this... um.. before... we--

[Their lips met for the kiss, but the moment before it happens bright light flashes into their eyes. It is Phil, on Pegasus, impersonating police helicopter]

Phil: All right! Break it up! Break it up! Party's over! I been lookin' all over this town!

Megara: Calm down, mutton man! It was all my fault.

Phil: You're already on my list, sister, so don't make it worse

[Pegasus snorts at Megara, she snorts back, turning the light off]

Phil: And as for you, ya bum, you're gonna go to the stadium and you're  gonna be put through the workout of your life! Now get on the horse.

Hercules: Okay, okay

Megara: I'm sorry

Hercules: Ah, he'll get over it.

[He bends a huge tree casually and picks a flower off it, gives it to Meg and kisses her in the cheek]

Phil: Move! Move, move, move, move, move! Move! (on Pegasus): Whoo! Ya-eee! Hey, watch it, watch it!  Whoo!  Watch it! Keep your goo-goo eyes on the- [A branch finally hits Phil and he falls on the ground]  That's it. Next time, I drive.

[Megara sits alone and was about to smell the flower]

Megara: Oh. what's the matter with me? You'd think a girl would learn.

<nowiki>*</nowiki>Begin Song:  "I Won't Say I'm in Love" *

If there's a prize for rotten judgement I guess I've already won that No man is worth the aggravation That's ancient history been there, done that!

Muses: Who d'ya think you're kidding? He's the Earth and Heaven to you Try to keep it hidden, honey, We can see right through you

Megara: Oh, noooooooo!

Muses: Girl, you can't conceal it We know how you feel and Who you're thinkin' of

Megara: Oh-no, no chance, no way, I won't say it, no, no

Muses: You swoon, you sigh, why deny it, uh-oh?

Megara: It's too cliche, I won't say I'm in love

Muses: Shoo-doo, shoo-doo, oo-oo-oo

Megara: I thought my heart had learned its lesson It feels so good when you start out...

Muses: Ahhh..

Megara: My head is screaming get a grip, girl  Unless you're dyin' to cry your heart, ohhhh

Muses: You keep on denying Who you are and how you're feelin' Baby we're not buyin' hon, We saw you hit the ceilin' Face it like a grownup When you gonna own up that you Got Got Got it bad

Megara: Oh, no chance, no way, I won't say it, no, no

Muses: Give up, but give in, Check the grin, you're in love

Megara: This scene won't play, I won't say I'm in love

Muses: You're doing flips, read our lips You're in love shoo-doo, shoo-doo

Megara: You're way off base, I won't say it

(Muses: She won't say in love)

Get off my case, I won't say it

Muses: Girl, don't be proud, it's okay, you're in love

Megara: Oh.. At least at loud, I won't say I'm in love...

Muses: Shoo-doo, shoo-doo, shoo-doo, shoo-doo Sha-la-la-la-la-la-la Haaa

<nowiki>*</nowiki>End Song*

[Hades appears]

Hades: Hey, what's the buzz, huh, Meg? What is the weak link in the Wonderboy's chain?

Megara: Get yourself another girl, I'm through.

Hades: I'm sorry. Do you mind runnin' that by me again? I must  have had a chunk of brimstone wedged in my ear or something.

Megara: Then read my lips! Forget it!

Hades: Meg, Meg, Meg, my sweet deluded little minion. Aren't we  forgetting one teensy-weensy, but ever so crucial little, tiny detail? [he bursts into flame]  I own you!

[Phil comes in on the ground]

Phil: Oh. I got another horn here..

Hades (to Meg): You work for me!

Phil: That kid's gonna be doin' laps for a month

Hades: If I say, "sing", you say, "hey, name that tune" If I say, "I want Wonderboy's head on a platter" you say—

Megara: Medium or well done.

Phil: Oh! I knew that dame was trouble. This is gonna break the kid's heart.

Megara: I'll work on that.

[Phil runs away]

Hades: I'm sorry.. You hear that sound? That's the sound of your freedom fluttering out the window forever

Megara: I don't care. I'm not gonna help you hurt him.

Hades: I can't believe you're getting so worked up about some guy.

Megara: This one is different. He's honest, and-and he's sweet--Hades: Please!

Megara: He would never do anything to hurt me.

Hades: He's a guy!

Megara: Besides, oh, oneness, you can't beat him. He has no weaknesses, he's gonna—

Hades: I think... he does, Meg. I truly think... he does.

{Stadium, Hercules is doing exercises}

Hercules: Ha-ha! Whoo-hoo! [Phil walks sad]  Hey, Phil! What happened to you?

Phil: Kid, we gotta talk.

Hercules: Oh, Phil, I just had the greatest day of my life! I-I can't stop thinking about Meg. She's something else.

Phil: Kid! I'm tryin' to talk to ya! Will you come down here and listen?

Hercules: Aw, how can I come down there when I'm feeling so up? [He jumps up into clouds.]

[Meanwhile a pegasus mare appears and makes the Pegasus follow her. In a pen, the mare splits in two parts which turn into Pain and Panic]

Pain: Gotcha!

[back on stadium]

Phil: Ah, very nice! What I'm trying to say is—

Hercules: That if it wasn't for you, I never would have met her. Oh, I owe ya big time. Little guy, I do.

Phil: Will you just knock it off for a couple of seconds?

Hercules: Rule #38, Come on, Phil, keep them up there, huh? Phil, I got two words for ya: Duck!

Phil: Listen to me! She's—

Hercules: A dream come true?

Phil: Not exactly

Hercules: More beautiful then Aphrodite?

Phil: Aside from that!

Hercules: The most wonderful—

Phil: She's a fraud!!! She's been playin' ya for a sap!

Hercules: Aw, come on. Stop kiddin' around

Phil: I'm not kiddin' around

Hercules: I know you're upset about today, but that's no reason to—

Phil: Kid, you're missin' the point

Hercules: The point is - I love her.

Phil: She don't love you

Hercules: You're crazy

Phil: She's nothin' but a two-timin',

Hercules: Stop it!

Phil: no-good, lyin', schemin'—

Hercules (hits Phil): Shut up!  [Phil flies off and hits himself a little]  Phil, I-- Oh, I'm, I'm sorry.

Phil:  Okay, okay, that's it. You won't face the truth? Fine.

Hercules: Phil, wait. Where you going?

Phil: I'm hoppin' the first barge out of here. I'm goin' home.

Hercules: Fine! G-- Go! I don't-- I don't need you.

Phil: I thought you were gonna be the all-time champ. Not the all-time chump.

[Phil leaves. Hades comes]

Hades: Geez Louise! What got his goat, huh? Baboom. Name is Hades, Lord of the Dead. Hi. How ya doin'?

Hercules: Not now, okay?

Hades: Hey, hey, I only need a few seconds and I'm a fast talker, all right? See, I've got the major deal in the works. A real estate venture, if you will. And Herc, you little devil you, may I call you Herc? You seem to be constantly getting in the way of it.

Hercules: You've got the wrong guy.

(Ash and his friends arrive at the scene.)

Misty: (gasps in horror) It's Hades!

Ash Ketchum: What is he doing here?! And what does he want with Hercules?!

Brock: I don't know. But whatever it is, it's probably something sinister. Come on! We better go see what he's up to.

(Ash and his friends go down to investigate what Hades is planning with Hercules.)

Hades: Hear me out, ya little-- heh-heh. Just-- hear me out, okay? So I would be eternally grateful if you would just... take a day off from this hero business of yours. Geez, I mean, monsters, natural disasters. Phew You wait a day, okay?

Hercules: You're out of your mind.

Hades: Not so fast, because, ya see, I do have a little leverage... You might wanna know about.

[Hades snaps fingers and Megara appears]

Hercules: Meg!

Megara: Don't listen, Herc-- [she disappears]

Hercules: Let her go!

Hades: Here's the trade-off. You give up your strength for about 24 hours, okay? Say, the next 24 hours and Meg here is free as a bird and safe from harm. We dance, we kiss, we schmooze, we carry on, we go home happy. What d'ya say? Come on.

Misty: (gasps) He's gonna make Hercules give up his strength!

Brock: What?!

Ash Ketchum: No!

Pikachu: Pika?!

Brock: He wouldn't do that?! Would he?

Ash Ketchum: Not if we hurry and stop 'em. Come on!

Hercules: People are, are gonna get hurt, aren't they?

Hades: Nah! I mean, it's, you know, it's a possibility. It happens 'cause, you know, it's war, but what can I tell ya? Anyway, what do you owe these people, huh? Isn't Meg -- little smoochy face -- isn't she more important than they are?

Hercules: Stop it!

Hades: Isn't she? 

Hercules: You gonna swear she'll be safe from any harm

Hades: Fine, okay, I'll give you that one. Meg is safe, otherwise you get your strength right back, yadda-yadda, fine print, boilerplate, baboom. Okay? We're done, what d'ya say we shake on it? Hey, I really don't have, like, time to bat this around. I'm kind of on a schedule here, I got plans for August. Okay? I need an answer, like, now. Going once, going twice

Hercules: All right!

Hades: Yes, we're there! Bam! 

[They shake hands and Hades takes strength of Hercules]

Ash and his friends: (arrive at the scene, but were too late to stop Hades from robbing their friend of his strength)

Ash Ketchum: (gasps)

Misty: No!

Brock: Hercules!

Pikachu: Pikachu!

-

Hades: You may feel just a little queasy, it's kinda natural. Maybe you should sit down! (blasts a dumbbell onto Hercules)

Ash Ketchum: Hercules!

Hades: Now you know how it feels to be just like everybody else. isn't it just peachy? Oh! You'll love this. One more thing. Meg, babe. A deal's a deal. You're off the hook. By the way, Herc. Is she not, like, a fabulous little actress?

Megara: Stop it.

Hercules: What do you mean?

Ash Ketchum: Yeah, what are you talking about, Hades?!

Hades: I mean your little chickie-poo here was working for me all the time. Duh.

Misty: What?!

Brock: Meg?! Working with Hades?! No way! It can't be true!

Hercules: You're-- you're lying!

Ash Ketchum: Meg, tell us the truth. Where you really working with Hades behind our backs?

Panic (as boy): Help! (coughs)

Pain (as boy): Jeepers, mister, you're really strong. (in normal voice) Ha-ha!

Misty: (gasps) Oh my... The little boys. They weren't real. They were just those guys acting out as kids. The rock-slide wasn't an accident, it was a...trap. She helped Hades stage the entire accident with that hydra monster. She set him up.

Brock: So, I guess this means that...Phil was...right about her all along.

Ash Ketchum: I don't believe it...

Hades: Couldn't have done it without you, sugar, sweetheart, babe

Megara: No! It's not like that! I didn't mean to-- I-I couldn't-- I-- I'm so sorry.

Pain and Panic: (tauntingly; singsong) Our hero's a zero! Our hero's a zero!

(Ash and Pikachu march up to Pain and Panic.)

Ash Ketchum: (angrily) Hey, leave Hercules alone!

Pain and Panic: (turning to face Ash) Hmm?

Ash Ketchum: Nobody messes with Hercules!

Pikachu: Pika!

Pain: (tauntingly) Oh, yeah? Who's gonna make us, kid?

Ash Ketchum: I'm gonna make you guys, that's who!

Panic: (tauntingly) Oh-ho! Whatcha got there, kid? A freaky little yellow rat. (to Pikachu) What are you gonna do to us, runt? Stare at us with your cute eyes?

(Pain and Panic laugh meanly which angers Ash and Pikachu as his cheeks began to spark.)

Ash Ketchum: If you jerks mess with Hercules, I'll have my Pikachu, shock you with his electric attacks.

Pain: Ooh, you're a feisty little kid, huh? (laughs)

Panic: (mockingly) Now, we're really scared.

Misty: You're talking to us Pokémon trainers! You both got a lot of nerve-picking on Hercules, Ash and Pikachu!

Brock: Yeah, you guys are asking for it!

Pain: Ha! Pokémon trainers, huh?

Panic: We've never heard of you, kids. Pokémon is such a stupid name for your weak little pets.

Pikachu: (angrily) Pika!

Ash Ketchum: (losing his temper) Don't you dare call our Pokémon stupid or weak!

(Panic sees Azurill as it whimpers in fear.)

Panic: (picks up Azurill) Whatcha got there, missy? A little creature.

Pain: (chuckling) It's a shrimpy little creature, ain't it, Panic?

(Azurill starts crying as Misty gets angry.)

Panic: (mockingly) Aww, what's the matter, shrimp? You scared of us?

Misty: (furiously, picks up Azurill) Don't you dare scare or pick on my little Azurill!

Hades: (creates a chariot) Well, gotta blaze. There's a whole cosmos up there waiting for me with, hey, my name on it. So much for the preliminaries, and now off to the main event! (leaves)